Bf refused s*x

So me and my bf been together 4 years. He’s always been the one to initiate s*x. At the begging just because I was shy and had no confidence. But anytime I’ve tried he would get awkward and not get turned on. It’s like he just likes to be the one in control and when HE wants it.

Lately I got fed up of this and decided to take things into my own hands. Usually we’ll have s*x like once a week. I would like it more often but he doesn’t want it that much and when he does he literally doesn’t even warm me up and it’s nothing special.

So last weekend I decided to come on to him. I didn’t care if I got rejected or he didn’t get turned on I just wanted to make sure I’ve made the effort and tried. It was great. I used handcuffs and a blindfold and there was no problems he enjoyed it. He even said we should do that every Saturday/weekend. Well he did try to initiate s*x yesterday but I refused because I want it to be special not just him coming and sticking it in and I get nothing from it. And I knew tonight is Saturday night and we’ll have more time together so I could make it more special for us both. Also, if we had done it yesterday he might not of got ‘hard’ today etc as we’ve had that problem a lot. He’s an extremely fit guy btw so no issues on that side of things.

Anyways after I refused yesterday he told me I ‘don’t look cute’ and that I should make more effort to look cute and called me ‘boring’.

Well tonight he’s lying in bed and I’ve gone and got dressed up in the sexiest lingerie with my hair and makeup done etc and I’ve gone in to him seductively but not too full on. He kept giggling and saying ‘oh noo’ and kept trying to say things to ruin the moment and I kept things calm and told him to talk about those things another time and to just relax for now. He tried making excuses like ‘he’s tired’ just things to stop me from trying it with him. He literally wouldn’t let me do anything to him and then completely ruined the moment in the end I just walked out the room.

Obviously it’s embarrassing for me but I’m not really embarrassed anymore I’ve gone past that stage and atleast I know I’ve tried and he can’t call me boring or say I don’t make effort or look cute (which are just excuses anyways). So yeah I’m just sitting on the couch now and he’s in the room and ignoring me.

What’s the issue? It can’t be me I used to think it was and he’d tell me it was in the past but I’m pretty sure any other guy would be happy with what I’ve just done. He’s always into other girls as well constantly talking to other girls and finding them attractive so he is a sexual person. I have even made effort to look different etc to spice things up, do different things etc.

Guys any opinions please? Should I go back in there and try again?

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Reply 1

tashkent46

Sorry it sounds like he is bored of you. Nothing wrong with you personally. It is like eating a cake one too many times, the cake is still nice you just lose your appetite for it. This can happen in long relationships, it is more likely to happen where there are external stresses like health issues, children or tiring work.

He may regain his initial appetite in time or he may long for another woman. Up to you how you approach it really.

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

I feel bad, you're making an effort and trying to do new things and initiate it more often, and he's really not appreciating the effort at all, nor communicating with you about how he feels / what he wants. It's also quite disrespectful of him to be talking to other girls all the time and finding them attractive. maybe some people are just not capable of being monogamous and long term relationships. porn doesn't help, people want constant sexual variety and multiple partners / women.

Reply 3

Anonymous #3

He doesnt find you sexually attractive anymore time to move on!

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by ashdouga

God engineered the world and humans in a specific way. God tells us to have sex only within marriage as that is how he engineered us. Over more that 20,000 years humans begin to have sex outside of marriage and it has become normal in the last 3,000 years. However just because sex outside marriage is normal now it doesn’t mean it doesn’t violate the engineering of God. So all problems to do with sex and your boyfriend all come from the fact that it violates Gods engineering of humans. Might sound crazy but yeah.

Yeah definitely don’t agree with that. I may not be ‘married’ but I am engaged and have a family with him. Besides the piece of paper we are living a life just how a married couple would

Reply 5

username1339858_

Usually I would say you sure he isn't getting any on the side? However you seem to have mentioned no concerns in that regards.

Does he self pleasure?

Reply 6

tashkent46

Original post by Anonymous

Yeah definitely don’t agree with that. I may not be ‘married’ but I am engaged and have a family with him. Besides the piece of paper we are living a life just how a married couple would

Idk what all that religious crap was about but look at what you just said.

'Living a life just how a married couple would'

Is that sexy?

Is that the epitome of sexual breakdown? Yes

The way I see it is you need to spark his interest again or introduce another woman so he can get it out of his system, otherwise you will be disappointed for a long time.

Reply 7

Anonymous #4

Sounds like he isn’t excited by you anymore? You mentioned he has problems getting hard, was that not an issue in the first year?
If not he’s just bored of you, if he did maybe he’s got a secret fetish or something?

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Well I don’t think he is. But seeing as his phone is constantly hidden from me I guess I would never actually know. But I’m pretty sure he’s not.

he doesn’t tend to self pleasure, only occasionally

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Original post by tashkent46

How can I spark someone’s interest that doesn’t like to be ‘come on to’ and likes to always be the one in control? I have been extremely sexy and gone out of my way to spice things up yet he refused straight and didn’t even give me a reason why. He only wants it on his terms and times and doesn’t even make an effort for it to be special so what should I do? I have a family with him and regardless of that I would never introduce another woman or willingly let him be with another woman. What’s the point in a relationship then

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

He’s always had issues here and there with getting hard. The first year just a couple months after we got together he started going soft and not getting hard. I always blamed myself but he had told me it was something that used to happen with his ex too. And that at the time he was not very fit or eating healthy and that effected it too. He doesn’t have that problem that much recently though. He’s always made comments that I should do ‘this or that’ but whenever I’ve actually attempted or tried he just gets weird and avoids me. So I just always thought he doesn’t want to be out under pressure and wants to be the one in control all the time. And that’s what I did just let him always initiate it. Until now I got fed up

Reply 11

Anonymous #4

Original post by Anonymous

Hmmm, sounds like he’s got something going on... like a secret fetish that he’s embarrassed about or he might be bisexual? Or it’s some sort of performance anxiety, could be to do with stress... There’s something going on there but you’ve said it seems ok recently, thing is it’s not good thats he’s rejecting you, also sounds like when you do have sex it’s over pretty quick?

Reply 12

sweatshirt

Original post by Anonymous

Quite insightful and plausible.

Reply 13

akragas

Why do you say s*x and not sex?
:confused:

Reply 14

Anonymous #5

1. How old is he and how old are you?
2. Do you live together?
3. What are your collective goals.
4. What do u classify as cheating ?
Also if he’s poking into or looking others there’s prob
No point in continuing tbh.
Take care

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

I always thought it was performance anxiety and kind of left it alone and that’s why I stopped trying and just let him be the one to initiate and do things his way.
When we do have sex because it’s not that often (like if we’ve gone a week) he’ll either have to stop himself from finishing quick OR If we have done it the day before for example and then try it again he might not be able to finish at all and can go for ages. There’s no in between

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

Original post by akragas

Why do you say s*x and not sex?
:confused:

Sorry I wasn’t sure about TSR rules and didn’t know if my post would be removed for using specific words

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

Both 25
live together
he had kissed another woman before and to me that’s cheating but he says he didn’t as ‘she kissed him’

Reply 18

Anonymous #6

I think these symptoms are proving that he's got an another woman in mind. It doesn't sound like it, but for a topic that sex is, there shouldn't be any objections from any side. Anyway, when it comes to love, (I don't know if it's just me), the looks aren't important as much as your morale, coz you cannot just keep the looks and maintain them at all times, otherwise your valuable time is wasted.

Hope you will find a way to get out of this situation somehow, so good luck!