is there something wrong with not wanting it?

I've been in a relationship for 2 years now. at the start of the relationship we were both young and interested in exploring, and were relatively intimate. as time has gone on, though, I've become a significantly less sexual person and no longer have a desire to initiate anything a vast majority of the time (I don't think about it when I'm at home either; it's just as rare that I act on anything alone)

I feel bad because it's not like I don't like him anymore, and I know he probably wants to do things together, but I just don't really get it anymore? it could be in part because he's inexperienced/doesn't really know what he's doing and I'm a very poor communicator, which doesn't make for a great pair, but at the same time, i don't think about it alone either...I just don't really see it as super important.

i feel like it's a significant issue that we're going to have to discuss, but outside of the potential "breaking it off because of different needs" scenario, is it weird or wrong of me to have stopped thinking about it?

Reply 1

Foxehh

21

Original post by Anonymous

I've been in a relationship for 2 years now. at the start of the relationship we were both young and interested in exploring, and were relatively intimate. as time has gone on, though, I've become a significantly less sexual person and no longer have a desire to initiate anything a vast majority of the time (I don't think about it when I'm at home either; it's just as rare that I act on anything alone)

I feel bad because it's not like I don't like him anymore, and I know he probably wants to do things together, but I just don't really get it anymore? it could be in part because he's inexperienced/doesn't really know what he's doing and I'm a very poor communicator, which doesn't make for a great pair, but at the same time, i don't think about it alone either...I just don't really see it as super important.

i feel like it's a significant issue that we're going to have to discuss, but outside of the potential "breaking it off because of different needs" scenario, is it weird or wrong of me to have stopped thinking about it?

Nothing is wrong with you, not everyone wants sex. You should talk to him about it however to make sure both of your needs are being fulfilled.
Are you working on your communication skills?

(edited 3 years ago)

Reply 2

StetheH

5

I was with a girl who had a low sex drive and she did not have sex with me after the first time for ten months. Everytime i brought it up she made me feel guilty by making Out that is all i care about. Honesty is the best policy. I wish you luck and positivity towards you.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by LovelyMrFox

Nothing is wrong with you, not everyone wants sex. You should talk to him about it however to make sure both of your needs are being fulfilled.
Are you working on your communication skills?

thank you for the reassurance

I'd like to say I try my best when it comes to the communication issue but at the same time I'm not entirely sure how to improve...I have no diagnosis and therefore won't make any definite claims on labels, but I've always had a pretty strong nervousness/struggle when it comes to talking to other people, so it's super hard for me to express myself in a meaningful way in any given context. even initiating regular conversations is tricky so it's something I need to learn to deal with, since it makes it hard to talk about issues like this, which should probably be respectfully discussed with my partner themselves too

Original post by StetheH

I was with a girl who had a low sex drive and she did not have sex with me after the first time for ten months. Everytime i brought it up she made me feel guilty by making Out that is all i care about. Honesty is the best policy. I wish you luck and positivity towards you.

appreciate it man, i hope you can find someone who meets your needs as much as you meet theirs

Reply 4

Sabertooth

20

I don't think it's normal and I think your communication needs to be worked on. I've been with my partner for 12 years and we still like indulging in hanky panky a lot.

Maybe, since you find communication difficult, you could watch some porn or something to work out what you like/what riles you then show it to your boyfriend? I think you guys definitely need to talk as I know some people say there's a "honeymoon phase" but tbh that shouldn't mean sex ceases entirely.

Reply 5

Altvamp

8

Original post by Anonymous

I've been in a relationship for 2 years now. at the start of the relationship we were both young and interested in exploring, and were relatively intimate. as time has gone on, though, I've become a significantly less sexual person and no longer have a desire to initiate anything a vast majority of the time (I don't think about it when I'm at home either; it's just as rare that I act on anything alone)

I feel bad because it's not like I don't like him anymore, and I know he probably wants to do things together, but I just don't really get it anymore? it could be in part because he's inexperienced/doesn't really know what he's doing and I'm a very poor communicator, which doesn't make for a great pair, but at the same time, i don't think about it alone either...I just don't really see it as super important.

i feel like it's a significant issue that we're going to have to discuss, but outside of the potential "breaking it off because of different needs" scenario, is it weird or wrong of me to have stopped thinking about it?