I texted my ex, feel stupid

I don’t plan on ever getting back with her, I will never trust her, but I can’t just cut her off instantly as it will start a big load of drama, I need to disengage slowly, thing is I need to stop always reaching out when I’m lonely

Find a new girl to date

That’s not easy for me, I have social anxiety and depression, I’m not ready to let go of her yet, I want to do it slowly

To cut a long story short my ex narcissist girlfriend cheated on me & we broke up. She still always denies cheating on me, we remained friends (only because I still love her tbh) anyways I’ve been trying to slowly distance myself from her as I recently discovered from researching that she is 100% certainly a covert narcissist. What I’ve been trying to do is not text or call her and to only meet up no more then once every few weeks. Problem is since breaking up I’ve been feeling super lonely, there’s a trauma bond with her as she manipulated me so much, I also think I’m co-dependant which makes it so much tougher to not engage, anyways I’ve been trying not too but I notice I just can’t, today she was in my mind all day and I ended up texting her to see how she is, I feel really stupid as I know she’s a toxic person, I mean how can I stop contacting her & keeping the boundaries to only waiting to hear from her, my plan is when is to slowly disengage and then finally use the grey rock method which is meant to make narcissists not really bother with you, to finally move her out of my life, I won’t lie I’m not ready to do that yet, I still love her and really like seeing her once in a while, another reason I need to slowly disengage is I don’t want a big fall out as narcissists can become very nasty & will try to destroy you if you hurt them, id rather do this slowly but I need to stop reaching out & giving her attention so much, some advice would be much appreciated.

So she has clearly got you hypnotised, obviously! Probably she has got you thinking that there is hope of a physical reward so you put up with the narcissism!
You know what to do.

You are right tbh, I kinda am hypnotised, she does give me physical rewards, like I say though I want to slowly move away from this “friendship” I need to stop initiating contact