Where do you call 'Home'?

Gavin2016

This is kind of a difficult one for me, I've gone through all the uni stuff and lived away from home during those years, firstly in Uni Halls of Residence then in private halls and one year (or rather 9 months) in a studio flat. More recently I have purchase a small terrace in a cheap area and am in the process of doing it up to my tastes.

However I still flitter back and forth between my terrace and the family home I grew up in. Partly this is due to my terrace house being a mess while I am doing it up and partly to spend time with my mother who still lives in the family home. In fact it is just her and me there now my siblings having moved out of the family home a while ago. They don't visit much as they are busy with their partners & kids now though we get on well enough.

The thing is this, I have essentially lived in the family home so long now that I think I could struggle to see anywhere else as home, even a place done to my tastes. There are kind of a lot of memories there, mostly good and it's a big part of my history. However, my Mother isn't going to go on forever more, she is around her mid seventies though in good health at the moment as far as I know. Assuming I don't go before her then when she goes the place will likely have to be sold. I'm not likely to have the money to buy my siblings out as it's worth a fair bit though is a pretty standard size property, typical family house size but the way the property market is of course means it's worth a fair bit.

So that leaves me facing a likely unpleasant situation at some point in the future. Even though I will at least have somewhere to go and somewhat familiar to me I still think I will be unhappy at no longer being able to visit what I still feel is home and of course often be thinking back there and how it was.

So kind of wondered if anyone on here might have any ideas as to how to alleviate/deal with the situation? as I'm not sure how to and don't think I'm likely to cope with the situation when it occurs that well.

Reply 1

londonmyst

19

I see rental accommodation as temporary homes for the duration of the short term booking or fixed tenancy agreement.
I try not to get emotionally invested in any accommodation or property.
I'm a tenant, have lived with many housemates and moved all over London over the last seven years.
I am unlikely to be able to buy for many years if ever and will be moving again to a new rental as soon as my current tenancy comes close to ending.

Reply 2

Gavin2016

OP

15

Original post by londonmyst

I see rental accommodation as temporary homes for the duration of the short term booking or fixed tenancy agreement.
I try not to get emotionally invested in any accommodation or property.
I'm a tenant, have lived with many housemates and moved all over London over the last seven years.
I am unlikely to be able to buy for many years if ever and will be moving again to a new rental as soon as my current tenancy comes close to ending.

Thanks for the reply, yeah I think none of the places I have rented I have gotten emotionally invested in but then again I wasn't there for that long nor had any real history there or family memories. While the family home I have been at for about the last three decades on and off.

Thing is I'm not sure how I would feel when the place has to be sold. Having my own place even if a bit small helps a bit as I've been doing it all up so I it feels a bit more personal to me. I think if I was renting and the family home has to be sold it would be difficult for me to take as I would feel pretty adrift unless I had a bit of a raving social life which I don't. In a way I guess having the same family home around for so long has kind of built up a bit of a problem there. Spending some time away in other places like my own home helps a bit I think but even my own home I find after a few days there I feel the urge to get some time away. Probably just a situation I will have to unravel before the point where the family home has to be sold I think. If I had the money to buy it I'm not sure if that would be good for me if it were just me there but knowing where else I could truely feel like home may be a problem for me. I don't think long term renting would be good for me as I think I need a place that I can get emotionally attached to so it feels like home and not a temporary situation. I guess I need to feel like I belong somewhere in particular.

Reply 3

Scottishlad888

19

Scotland the best little place in the world thats where my home is

Reply 4

Ðeggs

22

Where my parents live (and have for the last thirty years).

Reply 5

Joleee

19

you could speak to your mum about your concerns and get her to leave the property in your name in her will. you can and should seek the help of a solicitor.

other than that i can’t advise except your home is where you intend to build your future with generally. it’s not necessarily a memorial for things that have past. so you can think of it one way. or you can think of it like me who considers ‘home’ to be the place i’m living in the present.

Reply 6

Gavin2016

OP

15

Original post by Joleee

you could speak to your mum about your concerns and get her to leave the property in your name in her will. you can and should seek the help of a solicitor.

other than that i can’t advise except your home is where you intend to build your future with generally. it’s not necessarily a memorial for things that have past. so you can think of it one way. or you can think of it like me who considers ‘home’ to be the place i’m living in the present.

There's no way I would want nor ask my Mother that basically as it would be unfair on my siblings to go without their rightful share. I generally wouldn't talk to her about how I feel as I wouldn't want to burden her with something that she shouldn't have to think about.

The second paragraph of your answer is much better and indeed very helpful. I have been coming to thinking that I'm not sure if I were to just be left there if I would know what I was supposed to be doing there. For me it's a place I associate with my parents and siblings growing up and stuff I was doing. I don't think though that it has any reason to base my future (as far as that goes) there. It's probably limited on that front much stuff having already played out. I guess I would kind of be existing there possibly content enough but probably not really knowing what I am supposed to be doing there. The place was generally chosen by my parents for their/our future way back but that has generally been done now.

I think your second part of your answer is a stroke of genius :smile:

That 'home is somewhere where I intend to build my future'. I generally have a vision of what I want to be doing in the future but I've never really thought building a home around that. I couldn't move out fully atm as I would not want to leave my mother alone as I care about her and know she would not like it. The thought of forming a home where I can form a future is the best way for me to proceed I think, so thank you :smile:

Reply 7

RogerOxon

21

Original post by Gavin2016

So that leaves me facing a likely unpleasant situation at some point in the future. Even though I will at least have somewhere to go and somewhat familiar to me I still think I will be unhappy at no longer being able to visit what I still feel is home and of course often be thinking back there and how it was.

So kind of wondered if anyone on here might have any ideas as to how to alleviate/deal with the situation? as I'm not sure how to and don't think I'm likely to cope with the situation when it occurs that well.

Home is a difficult one to define. I'd say it's where you make your life. I still have very fond memories of some homes from my past, to the point where I'd seriously consider buying my favourite one, despite living 6000 miles away. Despite that, coming in to land at San Francisco, and seeing the sun glisten on the Bay and the sailing boats out, I feel that I'm coming "home". I'm starting to think about retirement, so may move areas / countries again.

You could have 15-20 years to get your finances in place to buy your family home (if that's what you want), or to make enough of a life elsewhere to not miss it quite as much. For lots of reasons, growing older isn't easy, but better than the alternative.

Reply 8

RogerOxon

21

Original post by Gavin2016

There's no way I would want nor ask my Mother that basically as it would be unfair on my siblings to go without their rightful share. I generally wouldn't talk to her about how I feel as I wouldn't want to burden her with something that she shouldn't have to think about.
Agreed. However, she may like to know your appreciation for the memories that she helped make there.

Where my bed is.

OP

Original post by RogerOxon

Home is a difficult one to define. I'd say it's where you make your life. I still have very fond memories of some homes from my past, to the point where I'd seriously consider buying my favourite one, despite living 6000 miles away. Despite that, coming in to land at San Francisco, and seeing the sun glisten on the Bay and the sailing boats out, I feel that I'm coming "home". I'm starting to think about retirement, so may move areas / countries again.

You could have 15-20 years to get your finances in place to buy your family home (if that's what you want), or to make enough of a life elsewhere to not miss it quite as much. For lots of reasons, growing older isn't easy, but better than the alternative.

Thanks, yep that's a dilemma I've got that even if I did have the money to buy the family home, should I? (assuming siblings were agreeable). Thing is without any of the family I grew up there it might feel perculiar, perhaps little better than selling it, maybe no better even. Being surrounded by memories might be real bad for me even if they are generally good memories as the present would probably seem perverse. Even if I had my own family there without family members there I grew up with that could be weird as well.

I think the best idea is the above, that in the time I've got ahead to build a life that is about the future. I think it could take some time to fully get there, some stuff I'm doing already in my own house but hopefully I'll get there. I'm guessing you're a bit like me in being a few years older than many on here if you're thinking about your retirement, that and you seem to be able to live in many places.

Reply 11

Gavin2016

OP

15

Original post by RogerOxon

Agreed. However, she may like to know your appreciation for the memories that she helped make there.

Indeed it's a thought. I may or may not bring it up. Due to the above reasons just mentioned I'm not sure if it would be helpful to me or necessarily her. Enjoying whatever time remains when I am there is probably what to do and just doing life stuff elsewhere at the same time as well I guess so my whole life doesn't remain in the same place as I don't think that would do me any good long term.

Reply 12

Gavin2016

OP

15

Original post by DiddyDec

Where my bed is.

That is quite a good answer in itself. Generally a bed I find is pretty much always inviting and reassuring wherever I am. Most for most part always a place I can get cosy and much better when resting.