Is this deemed 'inappropriate' for a driving instructor?

I am learning to drive and I recently have been with an instructor that my older sister learnt with. On my first lesson last month, he said that if I keep saying sorry or saying thank you he will "put me over his knee and spank me". Also, he continuously makes reference to this by slapping his hand in that motion every lesson and is constantly asking me if I have a boyfriend and "I should have a boyfriend" because "a girl like me should have a boyfriend". I always feel on edge before the lesson and I can't perform to my best standard because I always feel so uncomfortable. My mum says that "he doesn't mean anything by it and I should take it as a compliment". This instructor is in his 60s and I'm 17. She said that my sister mentioned he made one comment she was fine, but, for me, it isn't just one comment. My mum has him on social media and everything and she's saying that "There is always something wrong with me". What should I do?

Reply 1

Siberiaan

21

Change instructors , that's completely unprofessional and hella gross

Reply 2

Strawberry Shark

9

Yeah I also agree, I would find a replacement instructor that you can feel comfortable with!

Reply 3

username4138164

OP

3

thank you, I really appreciate the advice.

Reply 4

OxFossil

19

Dont let anyone pressure you into putting up with behaviour that makes you uncomfortable. Drop him immediately. If you feel you can, tell him clearly that its because his remarks made you uncomfortable and were inappropriate, so that he is discouraged from repeating it with others. But dont feel you have to have an excuse, or owe him an explanation. Just get rid.

Reply 5

username4138164

OP

3

Original post by TSR Mustafa

Change instructors , that's completely unprofessional and hella gross

Okay, but what should I do regarding my mother? She just doesn't understand it?

Reply 6

username4138164

OP

3

Thank you so much.

Original post by TSR Mustafa

Change instructors , that's completely unprofessional and hella gross

Okay, but what should I do regarding my mother? She just doesn't understand it?

Original post by Strawberry Shark

Yeah I also agree, I would find a replacement instructor that you can feel comfortable with!

Reply 7

Admit-One

Universities Forum Helper

21

Original post by sophssmith_

Okay, but what should I do regarding my mother? She just doesn't understand it?

If she thinks the spanking comment is appropriate there is not much you can do to make her understand. Just tell her you were not comfortable and find another instructor.

Reply 8

SupposedlyIronic

21

Maybe he doesn’t see it the same if it’s some kind of generational thing, but I would definitely be super uncomfortable with this too.

If you feel you can, you could talk to him about this and mention that you don’t like it, but if that feels like too much then I’d change instructor.

Your feelings are perfectly valid here. Most people would hate that.

Reply 9

Muttley79

20

Original post by sophssmith_

Thank you so much.

Okay, but what should I do regarding my mother? She just doesn't understand it?

It's inappropriate - your mum should accept you want to change. I'd be horrified if this was said to my daughter.

Reply 10

Kerzen

17

I suspect that he is a one man band running his own driving lesson business.

I can't say that I like the sound of his comments, it sounds creepy and unprofessional.

If I were you, I would ring somewhere like BSM and ask whether they have a female instructor with availability.

I'm assuming that your parents are paying for your lessons - just tell them that you've decided that you would like to have a female instructor after all and just give them the contact details they need to make the payments.

https://www.bsm.co.uk/

Reply 11

username4138164

OP

3

Original post by Kerzen

I suspect that he is a one man band running his own driving lesson business.

I can't say that I like the sound of his comments, it sounds creepy and unprofessional.

If I were you, I would ring somewhere like BSM and ask whether they have a female instructor with availability.

I'm assuming that your parents are paying for your lessons - just tell them that you've decided that you would like to have a female instructor after all and just give them the contact details they need to make the payments.

https://www.bsm.co.uk/

Yes, he has his own business but he has other people working for him. Thank you for advice, I really do appreciate the support from this situation.

Reply 12

username4138164

OP

3

Original post by Muttley79

It's inappropriate - your mum should accept you want to change. I'd be horrified if this was said to my daughter.

She is friends with him and he taught my sister, so I assume she doesn't want to damage an amicable relationship with him. Thank you though.

Reply 13

Romford20

Original post by sophssmith_

I am learning to drive and I recently have been with an instructor that my older sister learnt with. On my first lesson last month, he said that if I keep saying sorry or saying thank you he will "put me over his knee and spank me". Also, he continuously makes reference to this by slapping his hand in that motion every lesson and is constantly asking me if I have a boyfriend and "I should have a boyfriend" because "a girl like me should have a boyfriend". I always feel on edge before the lesson and I can't perform to my best standard because I always feel so uncomfortable. My mum says that "he doesn't mean anything by it and I should take it as a compliment". This instructor is in his 60s and I'm 17. She said that my sister mentioned he made one comment she was fine, but, for me, it isn't just one comment. My mum has him on social media and everything and she's saying that "There is always something wrong with me". What should I do?

Don’t feed this troll

Reply 14

SlytherinSoul

16

Original post by sophssmith_

I am learning to drive and I recently have been with an instructor that my older sister learnt with. On my first lesson last month, he said that if I keep saying sorry or saying thank you he will "put me over his knee and spank me". Also, he continuously makes reference to this by slapping his hand in that motion every lesson and is constantly asking me if I have a boyfriend and "I should have a boyfriend" because "a girl like me should have a boyfriend". I always feel on edge before the lesson and I can't perform to my best standard because I always feel so uncomfortable. My mum says that "he doesn't mean anything by it and I should take it as a compliment". This instructor is in his 60s and I'm 17. She said that my sister mentioned he made one comment she was fine, but, for me, it isn't just one comment. My mum has him on social media and everything and she's saying that "There is always something wrong with me". What should I do?

report him if it makes you feel uncomfortable as he is in a place of authority and if he is really making you uncomfortable then you need to tell someone your mum may not say it but i will- it's not normal and anything could happen as a result of it so if you don't want them to find out about the potential claim then act like you don't want to learn how to drive and then either get a new instructor or try a new driving instructor buisness hope this helped you

Reply 15

khanjra

7

Original post by sophssmith_

I am learning to drive and I recently have been with an instructor that my older sister learnt with. On my first lesson last month, he said that if I keep saying sorry or saying thank you he will "put me over his knee and spank me". Also, he continuously makes reference to this by slapping his hand in that motion every lesson and is constantly asking me if I have a boyfriend and "I should have a boyfriend" because "a girl like me should have a boyfriend". I always feel on edge before the lesson and I can't perform to my best standard because I always feel so uncomfortable. My mum says that "he doesn't mean anything by it and I should take it as a compliment". This instructor is in his 60s and I'm 17. She said that my sister mentioned he made one comment she was fine, but, for me, it isn't just one comment. My mum has him on social media and everything and she's saying that "There is always something wrong with me". What should I do?

https://www.gov.uk/complain-about-a-driving-instructor.
Teach him a lesson..
Voila!

Reply 16

username4138164

OP

3

Original post by khanjra

https://www.gov.uk/complain-about-a-driving-instructor.
Teach him a lesson..
Voila!

I never knew you could do this? I will definitely consider it, thank you so so much!

Reply 17

username4138164

OP

3

Original post by SlytherinSoul

report him if it makes you feel uncomfortable as he is in a place of authority and if he is really making you uncomfortable then you need to tell someone your mum may not say it but i will- it's not normal and anything could happen as a result of it so if you don't want them to find out about the potential claim then act like you don't want to learn how to drive and then either get a new instructor or try a new driving instructor buisness hope this helped you