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Is this inappropriate?

I've recently started working at a small family owned restaurant about two weeks ago and I'm still training. I have this one older (but not THAT much older) male coworker who is increasingly flirtatious with me in various ways. He's verrrryyyyyy touchy-feely eg grabbing my shoulders a lot, standing very close to me, touching my lower back/waist when he moves past even when there's loads of space, he even massaged my shoulders the other day. He sometimes talks in a sexual way but in a very subtle, 'jokey' sense and is otherwise just generally V flirty with the way he talks to me.
I don't really see him doing these things to anybody else. For context we're both adults, he also mostly does all this in front of everyone else but it's a super chilled environment.
He is in a higher position than me so sort of a manager. I do find him physically attractive and to be honest it doesn't make me that uncomfortable, I just want to know whether it's normal to behave like that in a work environment. I'm clueless seeing as its my first job.
Tbh that kind of behaviour is considered unprofessional and can be counted ad sexual harassment and/or abuse in the workplace. Maybe because you are new to the job, you aren't sure of what is right, especially as you say you don't find it makes you uncomfortable. However you never know what he may have been like with other women/men in the workplace prior to your joining you know?
It isn't normal behaviour, if he was interested in you why doesn't he talk to you outright in a non work environment. I think you should be careful of him, and if he makes you feel uncomfortable at any point let the owner/manager know!
Reply 2
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by Anonymous
Tbh that kind of behaviour is considered unprofessional and can be counted ad sexual harassment and/or abuse in the workplace. Maybe because you are new to the job, you aren't sure of what is right, especially as you say you don't find it makes you uncomfortable. However you never know what he may have been like with other women/men in the workplace prior to your joining you know?
It isn't normal behaviour, if he was interested in you why doesn't he talk to you outright in a non work environment. I think you should be careful of him, and if he makes you feel uncomfortable at any point let the owner/manager know!

thanks for your advice. I feel like there's a lot of favouritism in my workplace and he's a particularly well-liked/very outgoing and influential person so if I told the main manager about it, I'd be made to feel like an idiot and would probably just be ignored.
Just because it doesn't make me uncomfortable (yet) doesn't mean it couldn't make others feel uncomfortable if he does it to them too so I feel bad.
Original post by Anonymous
thanks for your advice. I feel like there's a lot of favouritism in my workplace and he's a particularly well-liked/very outgoing and influential person so if I told the main manager about it, I'd be made to feel like an idiot and would probably just be ignored.
Just because it doesn't make me uncomfortable (yet) doesn't mean it couldn't make others feel uncomfortable if he does it to them too so I feel bad.

No worries, are there any female members ot staff you can can tell, who are in positions of authority? it's probably a good idea to alert them to this sort of behaviour because as you say, it could happen to other women. Also it is completely inappropriate in a work environment so you have all the right to report it. Don't think that they will ignore it, and if they do then consider reporting to a higher authority if it continues. stay safe x
Original post by Anonymous
No worries, are there any female members ot staff you can can tell, who are in positions of authority? it's probably a good idea to alert them to this sort of behaviour because as you say, it could happen to other women. Also it is completely inappropriate in a work environment so you have all the right to report it. Don't think that they will ignore it, and if they do then consider reporting to a higher authority if it continues. stay safe x

*any members of staff you can can tell, who are in positions of authority that you feel comfortable to tell?*
*it could happen to other people*

Sorry wanted to be inclusive of all genders
Are you interested in him?
Reply 6
Avatar for Bio 7
Bio 7
21
Original post by sunny.side.up
Are you interested in him?


Doesn’t matter, that wouldn’t make his behaviour appropriate in a workplace.
Original post by Bio 7
Doesn’t matter, that wouldn’t make his behaviour appropriate in a workplace.

Yeah, your right. I apoligize.
Reply 8
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Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by sunny.side.up
Are you interested in him?

I am attracted to him. however I've concluded that the age difference and slight abuse of power makes it sorta weird on his end
Original post by Bio 7
Doesn’t matter, that wouldn’t make his behaviour appropriate in a workplace.


But if she was interested, it would change how she deals with it. Not interested - report to higher up. Interested - talk to him about it
Reply 10
Avatar for Bio 7
Bio 7
21
Original post by BluMoon06
But if she was interested, it would change how she deals with it. Not interested - report to higher up. Interested - talk to him about it


The fact she asked this shows she thinks it might be inappropriate for him to do. Now yes being ok with it makes it easier to deal with but if it were me I wouldn't ignore the fact she shouldn't be and I'd raise the issue with him or a superior.
Original post by Bio 7
The fact she asked this shows she thinks it might be inappropriate for him to do. Now yes being ok with it makes it easier to deal with but if it were me I wouldn't ignore the fact she shouldn't be and I'd raise the issue with him or a superior.

Fair point. I can’t tell if she find it inappropriate because she’s the only “victim” to because it in the workplace. Also does she like him as a friend or sexually attracted. Maybe he gets vibes from her so is trying to get involved with her

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