Girls please help

Hey girls! My girlfriend broke up with me a few days ago for the first time, saying she needed space and was having doubts over the relationship. A week before she was talking about marriage and kids one day, but since then we have argued over petty things. At the time I didn't see the big deal, but it was over my paranoia. I would ask her who's followed her on instagram/spammed her photos etc, or why she is active and not replying to me. This i understand would eventually take its toll as i have no reason not to trust her. Another reason being is she has been smoking weed a lot, and i try to tell her its not good for her to do it so much, and she takes it as me lecturing her like a parent, so she gets annoyed over this too. Again, I understand she is her own person who can do what she wants but I was just looking out for her.

On Wednesday we had our final argument, after arguing almost everyday for the past week, and this was because she came home from work and wanted to smoke weed with her flat mate and she asked if i wanted to. I replied saying that I would rather she got into bed and give me a cuddle as im concerned how much she's smoking. She got very angry again after this and told me she needs space, as she's having doubts over the whole relationship and what she wants. I begged and pleaded with her (which I regret now) as I was just so confused as at this point it hadn't even been a week since she spoke about marriage and kids, and the fact she said she was 50/50 if we would get back together made it worse.

I got very emotional, but accepted it, we then had a cuddle and kiss before i left in tears but on relatively good terms. I left her alone for the rest of the day however i woke up the next day shaking with anxiety, and had a meltdown so sent her 6 or 7 messages asking to give me a chance. She read them and didn't reply which hurt me of course. I did however not message her again, until about 11pm she messaged me on instagram asking who this girl i recently followed was as she had no other mutual followers. I just said 'she is a girl on my course, do you remember I said I made friends?'

She then ignored this also, so on Friday i was upset because i thought that as she messaged me she was ready to talk, so i sent her a couple of messages and then phoned her. She surprisingly answered and i asked her what was going on, she said 'I told you i needed space why cant you respect that' i then went into panic mode again and started trying to convince her for another shot which turned into an argument. At this point she said she cannot cope with this and its completely done.

Since this I have completely cut contact for almost 3 days now, as i dont want to do further damage. We have spoken so many times about marriage and kids, and she told me not even a month ago, that when she is with me she has no care in the world, and she will be mine for as long as i let her. I trusted her with these comments as I could sense they were coming from the heart. I am just so confused as to how you can go from all of these feelings to then needing space and saying you're having doubts/done for good, in the space of a week or 2. I have already reflected and seen my own downfalls with my paranoia, i just need her to give me the chance to prove it.

Is there chance I can still get her back? Is it healthy to have time apart? i am respecting her wishes and giving her space, I am just hoping that she doesn't forget about me and realises that if we don't give it another shot, we will maybe live to regret it as I believe she is the one. I have already reflected on what i need to do differently, just need her to find that love again and give it a chance. If she loved me like she said she did, and i believe she meant it, then she would be silly not to give it another chance right?

Have any girls here needed space from their boyfriend and then rekindled with them? How long did it take for you to reach back out?

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

How old are the both of you?

This seems like quite an unhealthy relationship if you are talking about marriage but also both stalking each other's social media.

Reply 2

RBalboa

Honestly I think it’s time you let things go, go your separate ways. You’ve tried telling her how you feel, and you mentioned she smokes weed which is definitely not good for her all the time. But if she isn’t willing to listen then maybe she’s finally done with it all, you said that she told you she needed space but was mentioning marriage and kids , yes sometimes space can be a good thing so you can definitely make sure that the commitment you will make in future is what you want. But if she’s telling you this now maybe it’s time to let it to go.. if she was meant to be yours in future you’ll know but dont let yourself get so upset by this, try and focus on education, making new friends or doing new hobbies. Try and focus elsewhere and don’t let this get you down, sometimes we think we have found the one, but later on in life we sometimes think if we’re arguing now what’s the future going to hold for us. My inbox is always open should you need a chat ☺️

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

How are you going to have marriage and kids with somebody so rebellious? Weed is not only illegal, it makes you not think straight and over time degrades your brain. From what I’ve read, it’s better you leave her behind and find someone that actually likes to be with you and is a better person.

Reply 4

adam.g

Original post by Anonymous

I told her i dont mind the occasional smoke, as i do that myself, but she is smoking more and more. I don't see it as such a big deal but if it carries on then yes it would be concerning. I love the girl. Before she met me she was in a bad place, smoking everyday, not eating after being treated so badly by her ex. When we got together she didn't smoke for 4 months until we smoked together just before uni. I have told her I am just concerned she would be as she was before me, and she told me she wouldn't get that bad, but its slowly going that way which i am so sad to see. It doesn't help one of her flat mates is a massive stoner and just offers it everyday.

Reply 5

adam.g

Original post by Anonymous

How old are the both of you?

This seems like quite an unhealthy relationship if you are talking about marriage but also both stalking each other's social media.

I am 22, she is 20. Admittedly I know i shouldn't do it, but i am damaged from my previous relationship that i find it hard not to and get paranoid, even though I have no reason not to trust the girl as she has only ever been faithful.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by adam.g

Have you been together long? 20 is very young to be thinking about marriage - that's a bit of a red flag.

You should see a counsellor about your previous relationship then - if you are still damaged and it is affecting your current relationships then you need to dissect that trauma so you can move on and have healthy relationships

Reply 7

npic9

this relationship sounds u n h e a l t h y. If she’s not willing to drop smoking weed for you then idk what else to tell you, it’s going to go down hill. You gotta remember to never feel like you need to sacrifice your happiness to make someone else happy. You need to be selfish in that sense that your peace and happiness is a priority and if any partner disrupts that then bye bye. I understand there are some days where we feel down and may need some space however from your point of view ( idk if you’re withdrawing info ) just sounds like your chasing. Good luck though.

Reply 8

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

Thinking about marriage isn’t a red flag, if anything it shows she was serious about the relationship. However, I do feel like it’d be better if you moved on.