Does autism make me less attractive to girls

Hello

I'm 16 and have mild autism. I haven't been in a serious relationship since primary school so I started trying to speak to more girls recently. There was one that I started to get along quite well with but once I felt like we were close enough for her to know she started to treat me like a baby and then eventually stop talking to me. Now I scared to tell any girls in case that makes me less attractive to them.

I was only diagnosed last year so I am still a bit uncomfortable about telling people.

Can anyone give me any help with this?

Thanks

Reply 1

JustOneMoreThing

I wouldn’t really care, but then again the level of autism would matter, if someone can’t take your mental health issues maturely then they aren’t worth your time anyway.

Reply 2

londonmyst

Sometimes, it depends on the girl.
Different girls have different attraction and dating preferences.
Many girls will still consider you attractive based on your personality & looks, some girls who have autism that prefer to date guys who have also been diagnosed and there will be plenty of girls who will stop seeing you as attractive as soon as they hear the word 'autism'.

Reply 3

username5398004

Aww I'm really sorry. Someone being autistic wouldn't affect my opinion of them, but that is me personally. Some people will and others won't. If it bothers them, then they don't deserve you. Find someone who likes you for you :smile:

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

I was dating a man who had autism, he told me after a few dates and I honestly would never have known had he not said. I really don’t see this as a deal breaker especially if it’s low /mid spectrum I’m sure you will find a lot of people accept you ! And it definitely won’t be a deal breaker especially from the people who matter !

Reply 5

Anonymous #3

The way that I see it is that if someone see's autism as a deal-breaker then they aren't for you. The right person won't have a problem with it. You will always be autistic and while you can learn to hide or learn to improve your communication with others, the other person needs to accept you and like you for who you are (not who you might pretend to be). Relationships take both people to make it work so the other person needs to be understanding of your needs while also not treating you like a child.

You don't have to tell people about being autistic, if you don't feel comfortable. But it's a good idea to tell those who are important or close to you- perhaps after you've known them for a while and can trust them with other, less important things first and build up that trust before disclosing autism.

If someone treats you differently, that might not necessarily be because you are autistic. Some people may not actually understand what autism is and might have the wrong idea. Therefore, when you tell them that you are autistic, they might have the wrong idea in their mind, but that isn't your fault and ideally they shouldn't treat you any differently. You can try and let them know what autism means to you but again, they will need to try to understand and accept it in order for relationships to work. This might be less about you being autistic and more about how understanding the other person is or isn't. But as I said, the right person won't have a problem with you being autistic :smile:

(From someone with autistic family and friends, who may also be autistic and fell out with a friend because said friend saw autism as a deal-breaker).

Reply 6

Gavin2016

Original post by londonmyst

This is good advice to my mind.

Reply 7

Gavin2016

Most girls without Autism or some other problem are probably going to see it as a negative. Most are unlikely to admit that unless perhaps drunk or something. Most girls in particular don't like to be seen as superficial but probably all people are male or female it's just that superficial isn't something people like to be associated with. Saying to someone's face that they are superficial won't go down well.

Dating a girl with Autism will likely be easier for you than dating a girl without Autism or Asperger's.

If you have a talent that can bring you good fortune that possibility might outweigh the negative Autism has to those girls without it. If you are good looking, have a good job that you do well in, wealthy money wise that might also as well. But in general even with that it may not be enough to most girls without Autism. That's not to say there aren't relationships that work with Autistic to non Autistic but that I doubt they are many that last.

So weighing it up the odds are that you are likely to find it more easier, happier and less heartache in relationships with other people with Autism or Asperger's probably around the same area on the spectrum as you. So maybe look there.

I think that normal girls can be unkind to those who stand out visually in a way that can be seen as detrimental. Saying odd things unintentionally in front of them is likely to do that. I noticed that you stated you haven't been in a relationship since primary school. That may be seen as odd by many girls as normally by teenage year or later people don't regard relationships in primary school as relationships that are worth referring to and doing so may be cause for embarrassment as it was at such an early time growing up.

That's my thoughts anyway, it's up to you to decide so you're probably best off seeking professional help, councellor, etc, on this rather than taking our views on here as this is just our opinions and not necessarily what you should act upon.

Reply 8

Anonymous #4

Okay so I am a male adult, waiting for a diagnosis on the spectrum.

First of all, high school is tough. No doubt about it. College is similar. People are developing at different rates, have different levels of empathy and maturity. It is a mix of lots of different emotions and it makes it difficult for 1) a person on the spectrum to communicate and engage in that sort of environment and 2) for neurotypical (NT) people to understand and engage with people on the spectrum.

My advice is that generally autism does influence how attractive you appear to be, but not in the way you probably think it does. How you communicate, whether verbally or via your body language plays an important role in attractiveness. Say for example a random kid (NT or autistic is irrelevant) is picking his nose. That is not going to be attractive for 99.9% of girls. So how you act and talk plays some part in attractiveness, but this is the same for everyone, not just people on the spectrum.

Obviously though, people on the spectrum communicate in different ways. There is a lot of advise in how you can communicate better with your peers. This advice is not dating tips, but more just general advice to help you communicate better and this may helo indirectly to make you appear more attractive as well - because people around you understand you better.

As you get older, you may also learn and pick up new things. This happened for me during university. Now if a girl finds you attractive then great. If not, it can mean anything. But if a girl goes off you just because you tell her you are autistic, then she is probably very immature and also not the sort of person anyone would want to date anyway.

I found my partner in college by chance. We have been together for 10+ tears now and basically it was never an issue when neither of us realized I may be autistic and it has not been an issue since I have been placed on a waiting list for diagnosis. I would imagine that most girls that anyone would want to date act in the same way, so don't worry.

Reply 9

brokestudent3

think of it this way: your autism is not a deal breaker. the fact that they change their view of you after finding out you have autism is the deal breaker

Reply 10

brokestudent3

Original post by brokestudent3

think of it this way: your autism is not a deal breaker. the fact that they change their view of you after finding out you have autism is the deal breaker

edit: feel like i shouldn’t have called it “your autism”, i apologise for that, i have anxiety so when i talk about it i say “my anxiety” but i feel like it’s disrespectful in this case

Reply 11

username5484956

You will find a mixed bag in life - when it comes to dating I would like to think a majority of girls would accept autism and ADHD (which I have). If a girl judges you based on this then you should drop her and move on. I have dyslexia alongside and nobody chooses to have this - we just have to try our best with what we have!