Do I tell my boyfriend what I did?

snowbunny1999

Ok, so my boyfriend of 1 year wanted to go on a three week break with me. I said no, I was uncomfortable doing it, I cried nonstop for like three days but eventually agreed it would be good for us. We planned to stay together after the break. I wanted to know the terms for talking to other people, dates, etc. and he kept saying I could do whatever I wanted to but when I really pressed him he said I could not go on dates or start seeing anyone else. Last night I got really really drunk and invited my crush from high school to go on a walk with me. We ended up in his car because it was really cold, and cuddling. He kept wanting to take it further but I kept saying no and I told him the situation I was in. We didn’t kiss or do anything else physical but we did talk about sex. And the conversation definitely was not entirely platonic at all. Did I **** everything up with me and my boyfriend? Do I even tell him? I feel so so guilty the morning after and I just want to be with my boyfriend but I can’t. What do I do?

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

imo going on a break is weird for relationships anyway... see if you guys talk about getting together after the break, and bring it up then

Reply 2

npic9

18

Hm, I recommend you telling your boyfriend what had happened if you want the relationship to continue after the break. I’m sure you’d want to know if it was the other way around, plus if he was to find out the truth without you telling him then it may lead to a breakup or bad arguments later on. But do ask what he had done in the break too, did he go on dates with other girls or flirt with other girls.

Reply 3

candydiva

16

Rel "breaks" never work in the sense of encouraging new respect and a newly invested connection. It's like a slow-mo ghosting and it creates confusion and angst xactly like this.

Reply 4

Dunnig Kruger

16

As a general rule - try to make your actions be guided by what you think is the right thing to do. By your own ethical and moral standards.

As a general rule, do not let your actions be guided by what you think other people will think of you.

If you didn't go ahead with anything with the young man in the car because you were frightened of what your boyfriend would think of you - then you weren't thinking clearly.
If you didn't go ahead because you thought the man in the car wasn't the right type of man for you, or that going with him would be ethically wrong - then you were thinking and acting clearly.

You have done nothing ethically wrong. You have nothing to be ashamed about. Or to feel sorry about.
It wasn't even you that initiated the stupid break. And your boyfriend can go and stuff his "rules" if he doesn't like what you did.

And besides what sort of break was this? A proper 3 week break would be like one to Cyprus with him as a break from work or studies. That's the sort of break that 2 people that love each go on.

Can you clarify why you seem to be so scared of losing your boyfriend?
Try to detach yourself emotionally and look at it from the point of view of you in 10 years time looking back on your life.

Is there anything particularly wonderful about your boyfriend?
Are there other men you could meet that would be at least as good as him as a boyfriend for you?

I think you should give your boyfriend an open and honest account of what happened.
With any luck this will precipitate the end of your relationship with him. Which would leave you free to start the search for your next boyfriend. Which will be a hugely positive step in your life. Even though you may not realise this, because your perspective is - understandably - too tied in to the here and now instead of the what will become in the future.

Think of it as like a Christmas Carol.
Except in your case you have a very happy future ahead of you with a different man or men to your current boyfriend.
Because you're not a miserable scrooge. You're a well adjusted, caring, perceptive young adult.

Reply 5

sunnyside89

6

I'm pretty sure your boyfriend did way worse than cuddling and talking about sex. I mean, a three weak break? For no apparent reason? It's like a free pass to cheat LOL

Reply 6

becausethenight

19

Well, what do you want to do? If you want to stay with your boyfriend you should probably tell him. If you're breaking up there might not be any point, imo.

Reply 7

Clover101

6

I'm not being funny here but what's to say your bf isn't dating or screwing someone behind your back, i mean why else ask for a break? It makes no sense. From the way you've worded it he seems like he wants to be the one having all the fun whilst you stick to his rules which isn't fair on you and is even more dickish on his part. I'd try to find out ore to see what he's up to as there has to be a reason for this "break" and go from there.

Reply 8

Anonymous #2

Original post by snowbunny1999

Ok, so my boyfriend of 1 year wanted to go on a three week break with me. I said no, I was uncomfortable doing it, I cried nonstop for like three days but eventually agreed it would be good for us. We planned to stay together after the break. I wanted to know the terms for talking to other people, dates, etc. and he kept saying I could do whatever I wanted to but when I really pressed him he said I could not go on dates or start seeing anyone else. Last night I got really really drunk and invited my crush from high school to go on a walk with me. We ended up in his car because it was really cold, and cuddling. He kept wanting to take it further but I kept saying no and I told him the situation I was in. We didn’t kiss or do anything else physical but we did talk about sex. And the conversation definitely was not entirely platonic at all. Did I **** everything up with me and my boyfriend? Do I even tell him? I feel so so guilty the morning after and I just want to be with my boyfriend but I can’t. What do I do?

I hate to break it to you, and I mean this with the best of intentions, but when a guy says ‘I think we should go on a break’ 99% of the time it translates to ‘There’s some new pu**y I wanna try but I don’t want it to technically be cheating’.

I wish there was a gentler way of putting it but there’s not. Maybe if you’re going on breaks and sexting people, and he probably did worse, then maybe you should sit down and have a proper, honest chat about the future of your relationship and see if it matches up with what you want in life