Annoyed at myself for missing grad scheme deadlines

I am 30 and graduated from university when I was 23...I then went on to do a pgce and went in to teaching for a few years. This basically made me loathe teaching and so I wanted to change careers. I discovered relevant grad schemes last year but I didn’t feel ready to apply, so held it off until this year.

With all the COVID uncertainty this year, and job losses, I still put off my applications this year....I’ve heard horror stories of just how competitive grad schemes are so I almost felt that applying might be a waste of time. I thought if most people are unsuccessful what so I really have to offer?

I feel that was mostly a confidence issue and now am kicking myself. Whilst I have managed to secure a mentoring role in a school (just until July next year) I have been thinking about what I can do after that. So I applied for a grad scheme on a whim and have gone through two stages, awatng to hear about the third. I feel that if I had applied for more then I would’ve clearly had greater chance but the deadlines for them have passed.

I’m mostly gutted because it seems like a great opportunity for progression, and I’d be able to gain the qualifications I need. Whereas now, the entry level jobs in the field I want to go in to are so competitive and I’d have to fund the courses myself.

Should I try again next year, or should I just accept it for what it is and aim to get a ‘normal’ job (non grad scheme)

Why would you hate being a school teacher (where there’s not much pressure and you get a ton of holidays) and prefer to join a grad scheme, presumably some sort of boring high pressure repetitive job at some sort of finance or marketing company.

What???????