mental health crap- young carer

is it possible for you to see a therapist near ur area? or just a trusted adult who deals with mental health as a profession to help you?

this is going to be a long ramble because my brain is dead at this point.

my health has been crap and i've been turned to nothing but dust now. i didn't realise how much home has been affecting me until i've opened up to my chemistry teacher and now i just want to get lost from the face of this planet. i don't know where to start so i'll start off with my parents. my family is disabled. father blind. brother blind. sister blind. its my job as a carer to look after them whether its reading mails, doing some random tasks, teach them, whatsoever. but they're so bitter towards me and they always criticise me and i always end up crying and its been going on for years and my mum endures the same abuse but she tells me to stay strong because they're in more pain without their eyesight. my family wants me to be a doctor. eye surgeon. my whole life has been me helping my entire family, and i never knew how other people lived their lives. going out with friends, having your own dreams. being aware of yourself. nothing. all i've ever done were got good grades because my chemistry teacher has said i've always been intelligent. to do any medicine-related stuff in Uni i have to get 3 As/A*s in any three chosen topics... as if this wasn't hard enough i've been mentally torn. i've had manipulative friends, friends who berated me and teased me all the time and i just had to sit there smiling. i've had social services make me feel so ashamed of myself, my sister tried killing herself. my brother will slowly become completely blind (he's not blind enough to not attend school but goes to those special school for disabilities), so much guilt has swallowed me. its my responsibility to worry for 3 people and i'm just bloody 16 for gods sake. i got pushed to do sciences by my mother because we are financially unstable and live in a very small flat which doesn't suit the needs of my blind family. she is also physically disabled and when she complains of back problems it breaks my heart. people chose subjects they personally enjoyed... i've never knew what i ever enjoyed because my entire focus in life has been my family and all this crappy abuse and nothing else. my mother never listens to me, she believes she has it much worse than "all mothers" and she makes me feel so guilty about myself. i want to change subjects in college now because i can't deal with this mental torture but they said its too late. like honestly what the actual hell i can catch up even if i hated my subjects i got better grades than 70% of the people without trying so clearly i have the work ethic to do another subject. my father is an evil manipulator who just stirs trouble and has little social contact apart from my helping him, reminding them i am "their child" and always says "if you do medicine i'll give you 20k" like what the actual bloody flipping hell and i've just been mentally recovering from corona and lockdown as well. my mother wanted me to do medicine from a young bloody age. so she made me do all sorts of volunteering and sports which made me experience and develop high levels of anxiety, fear and cowardice. i can't do this anymore. i am from the UK for context. my mother always says when i get good grades "there are people who also work when they are 16 and get their driver's license" like is she trying to make me feel even worse about myself. its hard enough attending lessons. i've been bunking and my school knows that. if i fail then what. blind people can't get jobs. my dad can't get a job my sister won't get a job. lord knows what will happen to my brother. my mother will guilt trip me saying she can't get a job because i've reported her to social services once for physical abuse. they can't do anything.

why did i even bother getting good grades in high school it just made me feel worse but it doesn't feel like its my own life at all



what the hell am i supposed to do now???

is it all over for me? i can't take any of this responsibility can anyone even relate to any of this? am i just being a coward and idiot?

i've tried my school counsellor but nothing has happened. i feel like a utter waste of space. i can't cope anymore, and i'm so stressed about the option of leaving this year because i want to do medicine but you can't resit exams as you need 3 As. i've been seeking help for ages but nothing is being done. my teachers are so bloody cold and i'm so naive and know nothing about anything. honestly nothing good will happen anymore its all over like legit what the hell can i even do? i'm sorry for this insenstitivity i just can't anymore

sorry i have just seen your message my wifi is a bit slow that sucks ass. I am pretty sure for young carers they usually give alternative offers out.

i've tried my school counsellor but nothing has happened. i feel like a utter waste of space. i can't cope anymore, and i'm so stressed about the option of leaving this year because i want to do medicine but you can't resit exams as you need 3 As. i've been seeking help for ages but nothing is being done. my teachers are so bloody cold and i'm so naive and know nothing about anything. honestly nothing good will happen anymore its all over like legit what the hell can i even do? i'm sorry for this insenstitivity i just can't anymore

this is correct!

You are not a coward or an idiot you have so so much to deal way more than anyone should have to handle. No one wonder why you are suffering with your mental health. However, it is not all over. You can always change subjects for year 13 but from your situation i reckon you probably want to leave as fast as you can. You can do whatever you want at uni ofc yes your family probably won't be pleased but as soon as you leave it is your life. you can do whatever you want you be looking after just yourself doing something you enjoy hopefully. You can always change courses at uni you just have to get in and most courses (other than super competitive ones) are easy to get onto. You are clearly intelligent and have realised how wrong and how unfair your situation is. I would suggest getting some mental health help, they are confidential and you can see a therapist during college hours usually so your family wouldn't have to know. Are there any young carer groups around? They can offer support and guidance.

just because they’re disabled it does not give them the right to treat you like ****. i’m also a young caret but i’ll admit i have it a lot easier than you.

i used to be in a really bad situation with an alcoholic abusive mum and i genuinely never thought it’d stop but it did. you’ve got so much weight on your shoulders and it isn’t your fault nor should you have that much weight on your shoulders. it isn’t your fault these are the cards you were dealt. but please stay i promise you life will be so worthwhile when you’re out of there

even though you’re doing mostly science i think you’re still able to apply for a degree that isn’t science based.

one thing i’d like to especially pick out is your mum saying that 16 year olds work and get their driving licence too. not all 16 year olds are in the same position as you.

it isn’t your fault your mum abused you. you were looking out for yourself by reporting her.

it seems the weight of your family’s fate falls to you and honestly it shouldn’t, isn’t, and you need to tell a trusted adult. probably not someone at college because they’ll phone up social services or your mum but a friend’s parent maybe who works in a field that could help you out

i promise it gets better

I think to continue doing the subjects ur doing and if u do not want to enter the medical field go into a different science-based profession one that you truly enjoy and not the one your mum keeps pressuring you into. Even though you might not think it now things will get better.

i do have trust issues with this school because i originally went to them but they ended up reporting my family when i wanted it too to be confidental. i'll try again and let this be confidental hopefully and i don't think they have any network like that sadly.


maybe talking to one of my mum's friends can help but i truly am scared because they're the type of people to talk to my mum about things, and my mum already tells us "all of my friend's children don't do x or y" and just unhealthily compares us all (asian parents basically). its nice that you can partially relate and thanks both of you for saying all that.

Hey, someone applying to med this year for context. it can seem really daunting, but if you're doing A-Levels you genuinely can't get any better than a C if you don't revise, and med unis only accept A's and above. Your circumstances could make you eligible for a contextual offer but from what I can see, med doesn't seem like the route you want to take. I know social services can feel useless, but talking to a GP can be a lot more helpful if you haven't tried that yet. They genuinely listen to your problem whilst maintaining confidentiality (unless you're in danger). If you feel that your mother could hurt you again, I would inform a GP. Med is a v v competitive degree, and if you really have a desire to help others I would suggest something like nursing or being a paramedic, both v rewarding professions without the burden of a 5-year course at uni. I would suggest doing a BTEC alongside an A-Level at another college. From what I've seen, A-Levels aren't the be-all and end-all of college qualifications, and doing a BTEC would surely ease your stress a bit. Is there anyone in your family that you are particularly close to that you feel can help?

Maybe look for services outside the college then as they are more professional and better trained. Like @cmkj said going to your GP might be a good idea as they can refer you to better services.

i haven't tried talking to a gp before. that would require me to get my parents to take me there since i don't know if i'm even allowed to go myself nor do i know anyone that could take me. maybe nursing or paramedic could be another alternative i'll look into both. my school won't let me change as they believe "its too late" and i just asked today so i either have to get my mum w/ context involved or move college if that's even possible or worth it in my state. my sister is at uni but i'm scared to disturb her because her university is doing a bad job providing aid for her disability so i don't want to push things onto her. my brother is too young to understand and my dad doesn't speak to me much apart from me helping him with stuff.

i haven't tried talking to a gp before. that would require me to get my parents to take me there since i don't know if i'm even allowed to go myself nor do i know anyone that could take me. maybe nursing or paramedic could be another alternative i'll look into both. my school won't let me change as they believe "its too late" and i just asked today so i either have to get my mum w/ context involved or move college if that's even possible or worth it in my state. my sister is at uni but i'm scared to disturb her because her university is doing a bad job providing aid for her disability so i don't want to push things onto her. my brother is too young to understand and my dad doesn't speak to me much apart from me helping him with stuff.

maybe talking to one of my mum's friends can help but i truly am scared because they're the type of people to talk to my mum about things, and my mum already tells us "all of my friend's children don't do x or y" and just unhealthily compares us all (asian parents basically). its nice that you can partially relate and thanks both of you for saying all that.

(if you’re asian too) we’re quite similar then! i’m from scotland and i saw on tiktok a girl got into edi for law even though she did all science and stem subjects in secondary school. please hang in there

oh that's really interesting. i do remember looking at degrees and some degrees don't have specific entry requirements so i may look into those. thank you for pointing that out