The guy I'm talking to doesn't want to use condoms, but I do, advice?

Hi, so I've been talking to this guy for a while and he mentioned that he does not want to use condoms, as they impact his pleasure and that most couples don't any way. But being a virgin and already scated of sex I kinda do. I tried talking to him about it, but it just ended in an argument. Anyone got any advice, should I just suck it up? Am I being over the top and unreasonable for not respecting his decisions?

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Reply 1

james.s.

You absolutely should use condoms if you’ve got no other protection, if he forces you not to use them when you want to it’s not consent

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

If you don’t want to use condoms then don’t

No ones forcing you. If he carries on saying no then dump him. It’s as easy as ABC’s

Reply 3

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

If you don’t want to use condoms then don’t

No ones forcing you. If he carries on saying no then dump him. It’s as easy as ABC’s

I think he means if you want to u don’t want to not use condoms then don’t not use it

I personally think it’s not worth it at all. If he really loved you that much he’d respect your opinion or try find alternative contraception, not using contraception isn’t worth the consequences .. don’t feel pressured to do it

Reply 4

Callicious

I'll seriously never understand how this question still gets asked.

If you don't want him to use condoms, you tell him: "No condoms, no getting nasty.

Not using condoms can result in the following negatives:
- *unwanted* pregnancies (which may result in keeping the child if your moral code prevents you from aborting/getting rid of it.
- STDs (Never know. Syphilis is a hell of a thing.)
- In this case, having the guy see himself as being able to get away with making requests that go against what you want.

Any quick google search for this question will give you hundreds to thousands of similar threads/etc across many forums. The same answer always applies, too. Only an idiot without some form of protection (or guarantee against the main two points above) would have unprotected sex.

Reply 5

username5394810

Don't let him tell you what to tell
tell him that you won't have Sex if he decides to not use a condom , simple .
He can't force you. If you don't feel comfortable, then don't give in unless you decide that you want to.

Reply 6

Anonymous #4

You're just talking so why are you thinking of sex when you aren't in a relationship?

Reply 7

ANM775

Original post by Anonymous

both of you get a std test then you can become exclusive and not use condoms

Reply 8

PriceZo

You are NOT being unreasonable! Always always use condoms. It is him that’s being unreasonable by being difficult about it. So it affects his pleasure does it-tough. Why should you potentially put yourself at risk of becoming pregnant and possibly contracting an STI. The fact that he argued with you about it rings alarm bells. Be strong and be firm put yourself first and tell him NO.

Original post by Anonymous

Reply 9

999tigger

Original post by Anonymous

Dump him.
There was a thread on herer recently about someone in that position and she got genital warts, they can stay with you for life.
He is selfish and reckless. Value your body and health.

Reply 10

999tigger

Original post by ANM775

both of you get a std test then you can become exclusive and not use condoms

Assuming you can trust him to get said test and stay exclusive.

Reply 11

Anonymous #5

Sex should be about two people both equally wanting and enjoying it.

If one person starts demanding things knowing the other person isn’t comfortable with them then that’s a massive red flag.

Selfishness in sex shouldn’t be tolerated.

You know why you want to use condoms, they exist for a reason, everything about this screams he’s not thinking of you or respecting your opinions.

You are better than someone who doesn’t respect you.

Reply 12

Stb1750

His reasons are understandable but safety first. There are other options of contraception but event then 'the pill' doesn't prevent infection. The person who wants to use condoms vs the person who doesn't... well, the person who does should always win really. Especially if agreement can't be made on other options. Stay safe and only do what you're comfortable with.

Reply 13

Anonymous #6

Original post by Anonymous

Firstly, you are absolutely NOT in the wrong for wanting to practice safe sex. The world could use more people like you! Also, him saying most couples don't use condoms is ******** unless he can pull out a scientific study proving that it's true.

If you really want to have sex with this guy, you could tell him to either put up with the condoms or get regular std tests I guess. If he chooses the tests, remember to get alternative birth control such as the pill and also remind him to not have sex with anyone else in the meantime. But to be honest, I would personally just decide not to have sex with a man who's being such a little ***** about wearing condoms. I obviously don't know the details, but if he has been getting upset about condoms without constructively offering alternatives to condoms, he just being a *******. Plenty of men have sex just fine while using condoms. If a discussion about condoms devolves into an argument, that sounds like an unhealthy relationship to me. STDs and unwanted pregnancies are real problems and if he was a man worth having, he would understand that.

Reply 14

TJ1997

You aren't being unreasonable at all but he definitely is, especially if he's staying stubborn about it. Pleasure in sex is important but so is mutual respect and safety which ensures both partners are comfortable; you already said you're a virgin and scared of sex so I think going along with what he wants would only create more confidence issues for you later on.

Sacrificing a bit of pleasure for good health is always the sensible thing to do, no ifs or buts about it. If he isn't making you comfortable then move on and wait to lose your virginity to someone who properly respects your boundaries.

Reply 15

Zarek

At the start of a relationship condoms are the norm. There are other things you can do as well that are lower risk in the meanwhile . Progression to other methods is a sign of growing trust and stability. I would be suspicious of this attitude.

(edited 3 years ago)

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

Original post by james.s.

You absolutely should use condoms if you’ve got no other protection, if he forces you not to use them when you want to it’s not consent

Well I could just use a hormonal contraceptive, but I would like a batrier one just to be safe.

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

If you don’t want to use condoms then don’t

No ones forcing you. If he carries on saying no then dump him. It’s as easy as ABC’s

Sorry I don't understand. I want to use condoms and he doesn't. Do you think he will dump me if I don't give in? 😓

Reply 18

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

We did have a big discusion about using other conyraception, like the pill. But I have a pysical condition that is effected by monthly hormones and also i got quite bad depression last time i tried the pill (perscribed not as contraception). I just feel like 2 types of contraception would be safer. He is already against the abortion of healthy babies, and I wouldn't want to do that, but I am not emotionally, financially or mentally stable enough to look after myself, let alone a child.

Reply 19

Kerzen

I think that the right kind of guy to have a sexual relationship with is one who is thoughtful and understanding and who cares about your comfort and happiness.

This guy doesn't sound like the kind of guy you need at all.

How old are you, by the way?

I do think that it would be better for you to find a boyfriend with whom you can build a relationship before considering sex