*** My First Breakup Story ***

good on you! i’m glad your recovering. you seem like an awesome person so i’m also going to say her loss.

This is a huge post so get yourself a cup of tea and get comfortable. I have made posts in the past and this one really pulls them all together to form a conclusion to it all.

**Backstory**

Ok she was 15 and I am 16. We broke up after a loving 9 month relationship, where we both made promises about never breaking up and we planned out our future together. We bought each other gifts; with me buying her jewelry on one occasion. I truly loved her. She was my first love and I truly thought she would be my only love.

Because of covid, we couldn't meet a huge amount but we got to meet 10 times in total. And when we weren't together, we were messaging constantly throughout the 6 months of lockdown.

**Why We Broke Up**

We basically broke up because of a lack of communication at the end of the day. It was both our first relationship and we made mistakes as expected; I was fine with the mistakes and forgot them - but the real problem was that she wanted a perfect relationship. She wanted a "movie relationship" where everything is perfect and we never slip up, make mistakes or argue. She wanted our first meet to have been less awkward, she wanted our first kiss to be without me having braces, she wanted to do more when we met, she wanted me to be comfortable face timing her when I was at home, she wanted me to wear different clothes, she wanted me to take control of the relationship more, she wanted to laugh with me more. And honestly I would have changed myself regarding all of those problems to make her happy because I truly loved her. I was prepared, and actually in the process of changing myself to make her happy - but she broke up before we could ptoperly fix things, and before she could see a difference. And that says it all really. That just shows how she saw our relationship as something which should have been "perfect from the beginning". She was reluctant to fix things because she wanted things to be perfect from the start and tbh she seemed to move on pretty well; having her arms round another guy less than a week after the breakup. (I will add a section below dedicated to my recovery and how I reacted to the breakup)

**Were Things Right In the Relationship?**

I know I did things which weren't right in the relationship but that's only because it was my first and honestly had no idea what I was doing half the time. For example whenever we met, we would sit on a bench and talk. We might sit under a tree and cuddle, and also kiss. I was fairly happy with doing that but she wanted to do more (which I realise now is something understandable).

But the thing about that which gets on my nerves a bit, is that I was prepared to fix it. I was prepared to make her happy by doing more - I was ready to go on picnics with her, or go to the cinema or go to Starbucks. But she never gave us the chance. She broke up before I could show her. I truly believe she saw a relationship as something which was immediately "perfect" and didn't want to improve it - she wanted it to be perfect from the start and didn't want to develop with me as a couple. I loved this girl to the end of the world but I guess she just couldn't see or appreciate it.

**Some More Backstory**

Her best friend H A T E D me. She really really didn't like me. Why? Because I apparently "hurt" my ex. I hurt her by doing things that I didn't even know hurt her enough to cause a breakup. I did them because it was my first relationship and we are all going to slip up. I lied to her o n c e - only one time. And that counted towards it. And another time was when I pressured her to tell me something (again it was not anything extremely private, it was school related). I fully understand that they were bad things to do, but were they really things to make her best friend hate me for? Were they really things that should have counted towards a breakup? Especially after how much I cared for and loved her. I mean seriously, I was prepared to fully step out of my comfort zone for her: at the start of the relationship I was not adventurous at all, and by the end - I was happy to leave the house and go on a bus to see her, I was prepared to go out for picnics with her. I developed so much as a person whilst I was with her, but she just wanted to see the "end product". She wanted someone "perfect", instead of me who wasn't perfect, but was heading in that direction and in time I would have.

I truly loved this girl. I had already bought her Christmas, Birthday, Valentines and Period presents. I really really loved her and she gave that up. She gave it up because her best friend showed her a better guy, and persuaded her to go for him, and abandon me. That isn't how relationships work - you do not just abandon your bf when someone better comes along. Like srsly? I really thought she was better than that.

**My Recovery**

-- Month 1 --
Two months on and I am feeling better. The first month was total hell. I bombarded her with calls, messages and written notes - trying to get her back. All of this time in reality pushing her further away. I tried to tell her how much I loved her and how much she meant to me but she would have none of it. She already had her eyes on another guy and instead of respecting the relationship with me and trying to fix things, she took the easy route out and started dating another guy.

I have talked to people about this from all backgrounds and they have all said the same thing - "her loss". They have said that I am the prize and that if she can't appreciate me, then she doesn't deserve me and I should find someone who does appreciate me. And I do agree with that.

I deserve a girl who will love me. A girl who cares about me. A girl who will be happy to make out with me for long periods of time. A supportive girl. A girl that can properly communicate. A girl who won't leave me when things get tough. A girl who will get through hard times in the relationship, instead of abandoning her man. I deserve a mature girl who knows relationships are not going to be perfect immediately.

I just keep telling myself that I can do better - a girl who truly loves me - and someone who will always love me regardless of what happens.

-- Month 2 --
The second month of the breakup passed and I seemed to have calmed down a bit. I feel more optimistic about the future and I know I will find a girl who will be a better girlfriend and a better fit for me. I just keep looking to the past thinking 'what if...", but honestly although I miss her still and still have a part of her in my heart - I don't know how such a toxic girl could ever fill my heart again. I mean srsly, leaving me for someone better? Who tf does that in an apparent commited relationship after promising me she would never break up with me? I know for a fact that I can do better and I will.

And now we are here - nearly in December. I have days where I feel like s**t where I look back and wish for us to be together still. But mostly, I feel amazing. Self care has played a huge role in it, and I will go into detail in the next section regarding self care.

**Things That Have Helped the Recovery**

Resources wise, a huge amount of things have helped me through this breakup. Youtube videos have been amazing, forums where I can read about other people's past experiences have helped a lot also because it makes me realise that I am not the only one going through this and that other people have got thought the other side. Friends have been a huge help also; I am lucky enough to have some really sensible and supportive friends, and they have really really helped me so much throughout this recovery.

S E L F C A R E!!

Self Care has helped me so, so much. Self care made me go from feeling like a worthless human being, who got dumped for someone else, to someone who is currently filled with confidence, and tells himself that he is the prize and it was her loss to break up with me. I feel amazing now. I feel so confident about myself, and so self assured. (ironically the thing which girls adore, and now I have a huge amount of it 🤭... wish I could show my ex how I have developed into the person she always wanted and even better than the person she left me for).

Self care for me has included: Improving my facial skincare routine with more creams and cleansers, buying eyebrow razers to shape eyebrows and remove hair on upper cheeks, getting haircuts more frequently, going to the hygienist, more face masks, nose masks, buying a nail grooming kit, moisturising hands more, doing an hour workout a day, exercising in general more, fixing posture, walking more confidently, being more confident in conversations, being more social, wearing an aftershave to have a signature scent, writing a to do list to be more organised, being very self confident, and being more relaxed about everything.

Self care has helped so much and I recommend it to anyone who is recovering from a heartbreak.

** **

So yeah, there you have it - the story and collapse of my first relationship; filled with experiences ranging from our first kiss to her stabbing me in the back due to our breakup.

** **

Feel free to comment your thoughts, past experiences, or anything else you might want to say about this whole topic of first breakups.

Alright.
Well first... Damn.
Secondly... this girl sounds like she really did love you at one point, but that she might have just lost feelings, because of this "perfect relationship" she wanted. I know this might not be what you want to hear, but despite how it all worked out, I am glad you managed to work through it.
Thirdly... What really matters is that you are now okay, and that you have recovered.

Also I wanted to share a bit lol. I was also in a relationship, I mean it was my second but hey! it's fine. So What happened with him is that basically we started dating December 2nd of 2019. When we started dating I was 15, he was 14. When we broke up, I was 16, he was 15 (that's still our ages lol) . We had a peaceful three month relationship up to that point, and then Covid hit, and decided to screw it all up. Over the next 6 or 7 months, we couldn't see each other, but proceeded to text and face time and that kind of stuff. We went back to school that August, and we were happy for about a month. Once September hit, it was constantly fighting and arguing and things like that. I couldn't have guy friends, I couldn't wear this, I looked like a w***e, all of this controlling stuff. Anyways, it was just a lot of drama and stress and pain. So at this point (in September) We had been together 9 months. Now, despite all the b******t, I loved him with all my heart, of course. He claimed to love me, and I suppose he must have in the beginning. Anyways we stayed together until November 18th, exactly two weeks from when our 1 year would have been. He decided to text me and say that I needed to focus on myself because I wasn't good enough. Currently, it's been almost two weeks since this all happened.
And I want you to know that although I have been acting perfectly fine to my friends and family and everything, I have been literally breaking inside. But I saw this, and reading how you got through it made me smile and feel hopeful.
I'm sorry you had to experience the pain of this, and that I completely understand. If you ever need to talk to someone, I got you.
Have a wonderful rest of your day

"I truly loved this girl. I had already bought her Christmas, Birthday, Valentines and Period presents. I really really loved her and she gave that up. She gave it up because her best friend showed her a better guy, and persuaded her to go for him, and abandon me. That isn't how relationships work - you do not just abandon your bf when someone better comes along. Like srsly? I really thought she was better than that."

You spoke a lot of sense in your opening post. It's clear that this has been a great learning experience for you.

I don't agree with your perspective on her leaving you.

I think it makes a huge amount of sense to dump someone when someone better comes along. Or even before then. When you are confident you can get someone better.

Love should be a meritocracy. Not a dictatorship.
You should be with someone because they are worthy of your time and attention.
Each person should be there because it makes sense. From their own purely selfish personal reasons. It's a partnership. It should be win win. Not win lose.

awww why was this so emotional.

im happy for uuu xx

Thank you so much, have you been through a similar experience?

Not similar. I have had my fair share of boyfriend drama though, I must say.

Feel free to share and vent about it. It personally helps me a lot to just talk through it and see it in words ☺

Yeah! but this is your thread first off all and I don't want everyone to see, it's embarrassing. Thank you so much though! I really do agree, talking it out is just so helpful.

Too much I'll read this tomorrow

i havent read it all but just wanna say u seem like a rly nice mature person and took it well aha

"I truly loved this girl. I had already bought her Christmas, Birthday, Valentines and Period presents. I really really loved her and she gave that up. She gave it up because her best friend showed her a better guy, and persuaded her to go for him, and abandon me. That isn't how relationships work - you do not just abandon your bf when someone better comes along. Like srsly? I really thought she was better than that."

You spoke a lot of sense in your opening post. It's clear that this has been a great learning experience for you.

I don't agree with your perspective on her leaving you.

I think it makes a huge amount of sense to dump someone when someone better comes along. Or even before then. When you are confident you can get someone better.

Love should be a meritocracy. Not a dictatorship.
You should be with someone because they are worthy of your time and attention.
Each person should be there because it makes sense. From their own purely selfish personal reasons. It's a partnership. It should be win win. Not win lose.

*** Additional Info ***

Just thought I would add this in - Thank you for pointing out how mature I am and how I think of relationships... the only thing is that I want to look for a mature, academic girl who I can have a proper long term relationship with. But my mum keeps telling me to be a "teenager" and to go out to clubs, get drunk and meet loads of girls and experience lots of things with the girls (basically telling me to act like a teenager and go wild cos u won't be able to forever) and I understand that, its just that I would much prefer having a girlfriend who is mature, intelligent and someone who I can see a long term relationship with instead of a one night thing with girls at a club or party when half drunk