Nothing important. Just feeling sad and want to tell the story.

English is not my first language, so please forgive me for any unclear or awkward expressions.

I never dated anyone in the first 17.5 years of my life. Initially, there were people interested in me but I rejected them. After I started to make my appearance more boyish in middle school, I didn't even have people to reject for a long period of time.

In the summer before senior year of high school, I happened to start chatting with a guy who I will refer to as N here over phone a lot. After returning to school, we studied together and went out on weekends. I'm unsure about my sexual orientation, but I'm pretty confident that I did love him, so I entered this first romantic relationship in my life.

It was after we entered the relationship that N told me that he had not seen his mother and twin sister for nearly ten years and lived with an abusive father. I was shocked. He acted so normally when talking about family before.

For a moment I wanted to give him motherly love but quickly got rid of the thought as I believed loving him that way will make the relationship unhealthy. Fortunately, I have a loving mother. I decided to introduce N to my mother (without telling her his background). It worked out. My mother treated N as if he was her own son since the first time they met.

One day, my mother told me "Don't express too much love to him. He can't endure it." I didn't take that seriously, but looking back, maybe she had a point.

I just found N becoming more cold and distant. We had more quarrels, during which I discovered his side as an arrogant, manipulative, and uncaring person. I was very disappointed.

One day I texted J, a mutual friend of me and N, "I feel wanting to end the relationship." J replied, "N was having dinner with me an hour ago, and he said exactly the same as what you just said."

So I called N for dinner another day and asked to split up. He agreed. It's weird that I feel the conversation we had that day is probably the most pleasant conversation we ever had. We talked about school, friends, and family.

The relationship only lasted for one and a half month. I didn't expect it to last long from the beginning, but neither did I expect it to end this soon. I can confidently say that I tried my best to make it last. I don't think I did anything fundamentally wrong. If I did, N didn't bother to tell me.

I was quite relieved after ending the relationship and immersed myself in college application. I believed it was the same for N as we both wanted to end it at that point.

Last night, another friend, Y, texted me, saying that he believed that N was actually affected by the relationship a lot. I was not sure how I was supposed to feel. On one side, I felt a bit wishing that this is true as it would show that he at least did once love me. On the other side, I wished that it was not true as I did not want to harm his college application and development of new relationships.

At that very moment when I was considering if I should talk to N to verify the point, Y told me that he had an affection for me for a long time and wanted to date me.

That really hit me as a surprise as I had always taken Y as a good friend. I did not want to risk losing the friendship and did not feel prepared for a new relationship, so I declined. Y said he respected my decision and that we could still act as nothing had happened.

Coincidently, Y also has divorced parents. Maybe I have a special attraction for guys who need motherly love... I don't know if this had impacted my decision to decline Y, but if so, I think it's so unfair for him.

Today I and Y just acted as nothing had happened as he proposed. I also asked J about N, and J said he is totally fine.

Now I just kept feeling sad without knowing why. I don't know who to share as Y was practically the only person I trusted enough to share this kind of emotion, so I'm posting here.

Thanks if you read all of these.

Reply 1

TaylaMarie

good story :biggrin:

Reply 2

Theloniouss

Universities Forum Helper

It's normal to feel sad after a relationship ends, you just have to accept it and not let it consume you (or do anything foolish to avoid it).

One a side note, this is one of the best posts I've seen in the relationships forum.

Reply 3

ran-dumb

Original post by Theloniouss

Yeah, and in the end N is fine now, so don't worry too much about it.

By the way, what makes you say it's the best? Is there a particular side of the post that stands out?

Reply 4

Theloniouss

Universities Forum Helper

Original post by *****deadness

Yeah, and in the end N is fine now, so don't worry too much about it.

By the way, what makes you say it's the best? Is there a particular side of the post that stands out?

Nothing important. Just feeling sad and want to tell the story.

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