How important do you think sex is in a relationship

asking because my boyfriend seems very selective when HE wants it but I’d never wanna initiate something if he didn’t want to?

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1

Em395

Personally, I don't find sex in a relationship as a major thing. Saying that I have had sex but it is just something that happened naturally within the relationship. When we both felt comfortable in it.

Is the fact that you are not initiating sex that you are not attracted to your partner in that way? Is it that you don't gain pleasure from sex or that you are more focused on your partner's preferences and desires? If the latter, this is not healthy. If either of the former, it might be worth having a conversation with your partner and explaining how you feel.

Reply 2

Em395

It sounds very much like you are catering for his needs, this is not a healthy factor especially if the relationship is more advantageous for him.

Reply 3

Dunnig Kruger

Sexual compatability is one of the key elements of a romantic relationship.
There is zero chance of you having a happy long term relationship if the sexual compatability isn't there.

Reply 4

Kaosgeneral

Depends solely on the individual. It’s something you’re gonna need to talk about with him. A relationship is built on mutual trust and respect. If either person feels like their wants and needs are being dismissed then the relationship is effectively over because the respect is gone

Reply 5

username1060297

Sounds childish, like it’s just to make himself feel happy. At least how you have described it, but there’s always several sides to a story

Reply 6

Anonymous #2

Original post by Dunnig Kruger

Sexual compatability is one of the key elements of a romantic relationship.
There is zero chance of you having a happy long term relationship if the sexual compatability isn't there.

umm what about ace people?

Reply 7

candydiva

From my pov it is totally essential. I just can't be with a dude or a girl who doesn't love sex, lots of it, all the time.

But rlly y do u care wat anyone thinks or does? This only matters to u and him....

Reply 8

cchloepx

I think it’s important to an extent. It’s not like I want it all the time or anything, but to have compatibility and someone who respects my needs as well as theirs is important.

By the sound of it, your boyfriend doesn’t really respect your needs and only seems to care about his.

Reply 9

londonmyst

Sexual compatability is usually one of the most crucial elements of an intimate relationship that involves sex.
There's little chance of a happy, long term or mutually fulfilling relationship where the two people are sexually incompatible.

Reply 10

marcjwriting

Very. It should bring a lot of enjoyment to both people.

Reply 11

Kaosgeneral

Original post by Anonymous

umm what about ace people?

What about them? Obviously they’re talking about the majority and not the minority

Reply 12

Anonymous #3

To me essential. I'd break up with someone if they weren't interested in sex and I have done that in the past.

Reply 13

marcjwriting

Original post by Anonymous

To me essential. I'd break up with someone if they weren't interested in sex and I have done that in the past.

Like, almost immediately. It's foundational and essential to whatever attraction is involved. Don't hang around for the infamous and insulting "Let's just be friends" line.

Reply 14

Kaosgeneral

Original post by marcjwriting

Like, almost immediately. It's foundational and essential to whatever attraction is involved. Don't hang around for the infamous and insulting "Let's just be friends" line.

Or the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’.

The thing that always amaze me is when my friends split up due to one of them withholding sex for months to teach them a lesson and are always shocked when they go find someone else.

Reply 15

marcjwriting

Original post by Kaosgeneral

I agree. The best lover I ever had was the one who was excited about it and I didn't have to really ask. She was all over me. That was the best. If we ever had a row, I would remind her of the upcoming make up sex, which at the very least put a small smile on her face. It really is great when you meet the right person. It's no longer sex: It's acrobatics.

Reply 16

Anonymous #3

Original post by marcjwriting

Like, almost immediately. It's foundational and essential to whatever attraction is involved. Don't hang around for the infamous and insulting "Let's just be friends" line.

I agree. It may sound harsh but I don't believe in wasting time with someone if you aren't compatible. The way I see it is, I'm in my prime atm and probably won't ever look as good or feel as young as I do now so I may as well make the most of it. Especially as, when I look at older couples, they have stale sex lives or its just completely nonexistent.