Petty to not help someone when they have asked for it?

I'll keep this brief. I'm a helper, I love to help. I go out of my way to help people period. I'm also very very competitive and understand that the world is a cruel place, life is harsh. That's the reality. When it comes to things I value a lot, I think twice before actually helping someone who has asked for help. Especially, when it will make a big difference. I know this is vague but It is on purpose. Am I petty or am I simply playing the game of life the right way?

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Depend on what it is, but you do sound like an a*s yes. Especially considering most people do not think like that, or maybe I'm just lucky to not be in such a competitive place.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

Depend on what it is, but you do sound like an a*s yes. Especially considering most people do not think like that, or maybe I'm just lucky to not be in such a competitive place.

It's to do with final year University work. I should have probably been clearer ahaha. I love to help people in every other area don't get me wrong. But I take full pride in my studies.

Reply 3

black tea

I think it's cruel not to help people who have asked for help. It can take a lot for people to do that.

Reply 4

Anonymous #3

I am similar to yourself. For me, it depends if they have given you a reason not to help them. For instance, a "friend" told me I would be and deserved to be abused as a joke and now I would certainly not help him. For me, you can feel kinda jealous if they are gonna succeed and I 100% understand that, but helping them will help you too - just ensure that any help you provide will not negatively impact your studies by leaving you with less time to focus. Focus on you first, and then anything you can do for others is a bonus - and plus it will help you feel good about yourself which we all need rn :smile:

Hope this helps.

Reply 5

Anonymous #4

Original post by Anonymous

I understand, uni is like a sport , u don't come first helping opposing teams

Reply 6

MidgetFever

It depends on the circumstances I suppose.
If someone's asking for help with an assignment because they couldn't be bothered to do the research themselves, then it isn't petty.

If someone's asking for a lift because their car broke down and they've no other way home then it could be considered as petty.

Reply 7

Anonymous #3

Original post by MidgetFever

This is definitely something to consider. And also are they willing to help you when you need it? Don't be used - but at the same time, you never know when you will need them.

Reply 8

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

It's to do with final year University work. I should have probably been clearer ahaha. I love to help people in every other area don't get me wrong. But I take full pride in my studies.

oh! why didn't you say so lol, that is a lot more understandable. I think its a balance, especially with my friends I tend to want them to do well so I always tell them about how I'm studying, how i tackled an assignment etc. However, I know every little thing can determine how grades turn out so I am maybe less helpful to some people or be vague about some stuff. Although I don' think I have actually knowingly ignored someone who asked me for help?

Reply 9

Anonymous #5

I'm not particularly competitive and generally don't mind helping others, but something I sometimes use to help decide whether I should help someone out academically is, would the other person do the same for me if the roles were switched? If it's a yes, then I help them, if it's a no, I might still decide to help them but it depends on what they're asking for and how big of a favour it is.

Reply 10

parmezanne

Volunteer Team

Original post by Anonymous

It depends. When people are asking for your help to get ahead of you and clearly will never return the favour, perhaps it's not the wisest thing to do to give all of your ideas / help away. Equally, if they put in no effort but want your help, they should wait to ask for help until they have tried - then you step in.

However, as a general life rule, it's encouraged that you help people and support them as much as you can, without being a detriment to yourself. :yep:

Reply 11

londonmyst

No, it's not petty. :smile:

You have the choice to decide what assistance, charity or volunteering you are willing to provide and to whom.

It is fine to only choose to help reasonable people, volunteer your time on behalf of good causes that you are firmly committed to and do so only when most convenient to your personal circumstances.
Don't allow anyone to exploit you.
Nor to try playing you for a fool or get in the habit of burdening you with demands while giving you back nothing but hassle/insults/more demands.

The only mistakes that you are making is trying to delude yourself into believing that you love helping all people, instinctively do so or are somehow obligated to help those who ask you.
Deciding to do friends a favour or occasionally helping out casual acquantances/random strangers who have done you no harm and you feel deserve some assistance is fine.
But there is no obligation upon you to oblige those who want favours or freebies.
No one is automatically entitled to have all their requests for advice/help/support acceded to by friends, experienced volunteers or random strangers.

Most adult humans are individualists with a secular mindset focused on securing or improving their own position; within the bounds of reasonable civilised restrictions as determined by local social traditions, the law and unspoken consensus amongst mainstream polite society.
They understand that people have to compete to survive and not everyone can thrive in a world with limited resources, one where the most widespread instinctive impulses amongst humans are not motivated by altruism or the personal aspiration to fulfil great philanthrophic endeavors.