hi,
i wanna start off by explaining my situation. i come from a south asian, muslim household. i am a muslim- i do not follow the rules entirely at all but that is between me and allah and i am certain i am a muslim and inshallah become a more practicing muslim in the future. however, recently my mum has found out about the things i have done: gone to mixed parties with boys, wearing short dresses etc. this comes along with me lying about my whereabouts. she assumes i drink and have a boyfriend- which is true but i constantly deny it as i know how bad the punishments will be. since she’s found out i have been banned from leaving the house. i understand she has no trust in me however i can’t help but get angry when we are in lockdown and i want to go on a walk but she fears i’m doing something else. i have always been told i wouldn’t be allowed to move out of my city for university (i’m 17, in year 13) and now she threatens that if she finds out i actually have a boyfriend she will ban me from university all together. the amount of times i’ve been threatened to be disowned the past month is insane. there is more to it but i want to explain my plan:
over the course of the next few months i plan on giving clothes to my boyfriend in college for him to pack at his house. on the day i plan to leave- either after results day which is said to be july this year or after my birthday which is early august- i will wake up early in the morning, pack my last bits and write a note explaining i’m leaving and just leave, blocking all my family’s contacts. (this could use some work. i cant imagine how devestating it is to wake up and find a note but i don’t know how to emphasise that i genuinely cannot talk to them about any of this and if they hear i have this plan they will probably chain me to my house.) i have a full list of how much maintenance loan i get and how much everything i need for uni- ranging from pots and pans to bedding and mattresses etc and have a full plan to move from my boyfriends house to university accomodation, which will be in the same city as i think staying where a lot of my friends will remain is a wise choice when leaving my family. i have been heavily thinking of how this will affect my family. i understand how a lot of south asian, and maybe other cultures care about reputation and i have been reminded of it a lot also. my dad is very cultural and i don’t know how he will take this. my mum has said he will blame her for it and if i leave my life will be fine but none of my family’s will. am i wrong to think this is guilt tripping and not worth me having no freedom till i’m basically married? i know these restrictions will remain even while i’m in university and i can’t bear to think of wasting my young years feeling trapped. i haven’t explained the full situation at home but i have never felt so emotionally and mentally drained in my life, and being at home is just terrible for me, especially now we are in lockdown too. the only thing keeping me going is this plan but i’m genuinely afraid of there being things i haven’t thought about. i know i will miss my parents and siblings terribly but that’s because i will forget about the bad things. i don’t really know where i’m going with this but is this a good idea?