My bf is addicted to smoking weed and it’s ruining our relationship

It does kind of sound like you object to him smoking at all. What is so important about 4-5 times a day? If it was 5 cups of coffee a day no one would blink. Given worldwide events i'm inclined to let people get through the day however they feel the need to.

I’m having a similar issue. I’ve been with my BF for about 4 months and he was so different at the beginning. Now all he doesn’t is smoke weed all day and act like he doesn’t give a ****. I honestly feel like I could leave him tomorrow and he wouldn’t care less.

If he was just smoking once in the evening before bed or something i wouldn’t be that fussed, or a few times a week when he’s had a bad day, but like i just few it’s excessive. I think my biggest issue is that when i visit or he visits me he can’t just leave it, and i just think, you haven’t seen me in a month, could you not just leave it for today as he knows i’m not a big fan of it. I just think it’s a small compromise that he never seems to want to do.

To play devils advocate, why isn't he allowed to enjoy smoking? Why does he need the excuse of a bad day? or only before bed when you can't really enjoy it?

At a basic level it's an attempt to control someone's else's behaviour and attacking something they enjoy, you are going to get some pushback. Creating a situation where he never feels comfortable smoking around/before seeing you... and he likes smoking... can you see how that might really backfire in terms of your relationship?

Don't get me wrong, i'm not particularly saying he's being reasonable or you're wrong for not liking an aspect of his character, but it doesn't come across much like a compromise.

It does kind of sound like you object to him smoking at all. What is so important about 4-5 times a day? If it was 5 cups of coffee a day no one would blink. Given worldwide events i'm inclined to let people get through the day however they feel the need to.

because a drug addiction is a bit more of an issue than a caffeine addiction..? people shouldn’t need to rely on anything to get through their day

because a drug addiction is a bit more of an issue than a caffeine addiction..? people shouldn’t need to rely on anything to get through their day

Everyone has their differences of opinion on weed, but ultimately this isn't what the issue is, so ignore those making you feel guilty. This is an issue of boundaries and respect, and he's not listening to you. I had a friend who banned their bf from using the xbox in her house. Is using the xbox that bad? No. But is using it for hours and not engaging in conversation, when she explained that when coming back from work she just wants to spend time with him? Yes. He can still use it as much as he wants in his house, but at hers, he must respect how she wants to be treated.

Therefore, if it is causing you upset and affecting the health of your relationship, I totally understand where you are coming from and you should set some boundaries just like my friend did. If you are moving into a shared space or does it around you at uni, it's time to cut that off.

I don't want to discredit or disrespect your relationship, but at only 6 months in, if your bf can't respect your wishes and listen to you, then this is a red flag. You're not asking for much, and you're not being demanding. In all honesty, I'd be questioning whether someone who isn't listening to me, isn't respecting my wishes and isn't trying to contribute to my happiness and comfort is really the type of person I'd want to be with.

I don't know or want to assume your gender, but this thread and the response from your bf is quite common if you are female - downplaying your wishes and boundaries and instead portraying you as 'naggy'. As women (again, apologies if that is not your identity), it's really important to assert your boundaries and make sure that it is not always you compromising in the relationship.

Hope that this issue gets better for you, and have faith that you are not being 'unreasonable'!

I agree with the the first sentence. I really, really wish I could agree with the second one, but I'm afraid I personally need a pick-me-up in the form of caffeine or whatever to get me through the day. Might just be me not knowing how to cope.

Well they do

didn’t mean to invalidate those struggling w a caffeine addiction! just personally i’ve seen people struggle in my life w drug addiction, your struggle is still totally valid and i hope things get better soon<3

I’m not saying i think smoking weed is bad because i’m partial to it every now and then