Does anybody else have literally no one to talk to in life

I’m 21, in my third year of Uni and have never had a single close friend. I live with three other people, all lovely but very integrated into their own friend groups. In terms of living arrangements, we are compatible but I can sense that it doesn’t go beyond that. After we graduate, I can easily see us drifting apart.

The only people who really “know” me are the three therapists that I’ve had in my life; all were free services, as I cannot afford “proper” therapy and ended after 2-3 months, leaving me ironically, feeling even worse than before, like the only people who I could talk to had abandoned me. I felt crushed for months afterwards and it solidified my belief that I shouldn’t open up to people, because they will all eventually leave me anyway.

No one who I ever acquainted myself with has stayed in my life; childhood friends came and went, was a loner in secondary/sixth form, the group of girls who I befriended in Uni ditched me constantly.

I’m at a point in my life where I have not a single person to talk to. If it weren’t for my housemates occasionally posting something in the group chat about bills, I would have no notifications on my phone for months. I wake up to 0 messages everyday and I spend each day listening to my housemates chatting with their friends, having fun etc. There is one girl who calls me, but she only does so maybe once every two weeks if she wants free food from me.

The loneliness is debilitating and I don’t know what to do. Has anyone been in a similar situation?

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Heya, I have. I lost all my close friends about 5 years ago and looking back on that now, I only ever really had one real friend throughout my whole life and it was my own mistakes that led to that friendship ending. I know how lonely it can get. I can't tell you how to fix it, because I'm still figuring it out myself. However, I have found solace in internet friendships - probably the only thing that has kept me going over the years. They are all I have alongside my parents and bother.

I also know how hard it is to make friends, especially during this pandemic. It's your last year of uni so perhaps after you leave things will improve as you'll be in a fresh phases of your live around new people. Maybe go on a gap year, travel a little or work a summer/winter season? Many people have said they met friends for life during these work experiences while travelling.

I wish you luck & hope you find the company you are hoping for soon <3

Reply 2

Anonymous #3

I'm the same, I have no friends at all - I had people I used to hang out with occasionally at school, and only a couple of friends I ever did anything with outside of uni when I was at uni. I don't keep in touch with any of them now though, apart from the occasional FP post to congratulate them on getting married or something. The only people I get messages from are my parents and work colleagues (about work stuff). I can't say I feel particularly lonely though.

Reply 3

fschawdhary

5

Hi, yes, many people suffer through this but loneliness is more of a state of mind, however, some people have a nature that naturally repels other people around them, doesn't meant there is anything wrong with that, with the passage of time you may start liking it, who knows, solitude has its own pleasure. Feeling better?

Reply 4

Bbles

11

Sorry to hear that :frown:

can I ask how old you are? I always feel like the only person who is going through this. I know I’m not, but Im constantly surrounded by people who have very active social lives. Every day, one of my flatmates will tell me about something hilarious that happened in their group chat, or about their weekend plans with their friends and it makes me feel absolutely awful, although I obviously don’t show it. I hope that I can make friends after I graduate, but I think it’s just a unanimous agreement that it’s MUCH harder to make friends in the workplace. If I couldn’t make friends in what is pretty much the prime time to make friends (school, Uni etc) then I highly doubt that I’ll be able to do it at work...

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Anonymous

I'm the same, I have no friends at all - I had people I used to hang out with occasionally at school, and only a couple of friends I ever did anything with outside of uni when I was at uni. I don't keep in touch with any of them now though, apart from the occasional FP post to congratulate them on getting married or something. The only people I get messages from are my parents and work colleagues (about work stuff). I can't say I feel particularly lonely though.

That’s interesting, have you always been ok with being alone? The ironic thing is that I’m a hardcore introvert and I prioritise my alone time over everything. However, it sucks when something upsets me, stresses me out or I just want a good laugh and I don’t have a single person who I can even casually message, especially when my flatmates are constantly telling me about how they spent hours talking about an issue with their friends and stuff.

I love being alone, but the total lack of connection is hard. I have issues that have been ongoing for years, that I’ve just bottled up because I have no one in my life. I told my therapist that I wanted to learn how to be completely happy in isolation, but she seemed very reluctant to entertain that idea and kept urging me to connect with others, so I’m stuck.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by fschawdhary

Hi, yes, many people suffer through this but loneliness is more of a state of mind, however, some people have a nature that naturally repels other people around them, doesn't meant there is anything wrong with that, with the passage of time you may start liking it, who knows, solitude has its own pleasure. Feeling better?

I was hoping that might happen, but I’ve been living in near complete solitude for almost 12 years and all it’s given me is anxiety and depression lol!

Reply 7

fschawdhary

5

Original post by Anonymous

I was hoping that might happen, but I’ve been living in near complete solitude for almost 12 years and all it’s given me is anxiety and depression lol!

I understand, but then remember that solitude can often prevent you from going off the track, it helps you stay focus. The more people you may have to deal with the more complexity it can potentially bring to your life. That being said, by no means I am suggesting you to stay lonely, always find a wise company and there are ways to do that. Depression and anxiety can sod off when you focus on your short-term goals and keep yourself occupied in attaining them. The fact of the matter is, as a 21 yo you feel you need to have various experiences under your belt but then remember, you would always come back to being original you and in 10 or 20 years time, you would say 'what a waste of time and effort'. You need to learn to embrace yourself - feeling better?

Reply 8

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

That’s interesting, have you always been ok with being alone? The ironic thing is that I’m a hardcore introvert and I prioritise my alone time over everything. However, it sucks when something upsets me, stresses me out or I just want a good laugh and I don’t have a single person who I can even casually message, especially when my flatmates are constantly telling me about how they spent hours talking about an issue with their friends and stuff.

I love being alone, but the total lack of connection is hard. I have issues that have been ongoing for years, that I’ve just bottled up because I have no one in my life. I told my therapist that I wanted to learn how to be completely happy in isolation, but she seemed very reluctant to entertain that idea and kept urging me to connect with others, so I’m stuck.

It's hard to know really. I am an only child so I often didn't have anyone to play with growing up, and then was bullied from the age of around 9 onwards so I kind of just learnt to be on my own. What I think is a bit odd about me is that I'm quite extroverted at work and love chatting and being part of a team whereas outside of work, I have zero interest in being around people. I don't mind spending time with relatives, but no longer than a few hours, and relationships don't interest me at all - if anything, I see them as a massive nuisance.

I can see you therapist's point of view about connecting with others though, that is probably a healthy thing to do.