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Am I stuck up if I will only date someone if I'm physically attracted to them?

(22F) Relationships really aren't on my radar at the moment but I do have a few guy friends and each of them have asked me out when we first met but one in particular is very persistent. Not persistent in a bad way, he's very nice and we get along great but I am not physically attracted to him in the slightest. This isn't something I could just forget because we get on so well, it would cause problems. I always feel terrible when guys (who I PERSONALLY find unattractive) ask me out and I say no, it has happened several times throughout my life and when I was a teenager I was made to feel like a horrible person by all the guys in my year for rejecting one of their friends. Am I terrible/vain for considering looks important?

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Reply 1

Ethane_the_pug

not really. as long as you give some a chance, physical looks being a decider is a bit shallow, but you're not terrible.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by Ethane_the_pug

not really. as long as you give some a chance, physical looks being a decider is a bit shallow, but you're not terrible.

It's not like I haven't considered it because I really have but whenever in a situation like this I just try to consider how I would feel if I was in this relationship and in an intimate situation and if I would be physically attracted to them enough to actually want to physically be with them (god that sounds truly terrible), but do you know what I mean? sorry it that is really weird! I don't have crazy high expectations for the physical looks of people I'd want to date or anything like that, I think I'd just like to be physically attracted to them enough to want to be physical with them.

Reply 3

Foxehh

No. Physical attraction matters to some people more than others, it doesnt make you shallow in the slightest. You cant help who you're attracted to ( or who you're not ).

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

Just don't be sad then if it turns out the guy you like in the future rejects you because he isn't physically attracted to you.

It may not be the case but you never know...

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by LovelyMrFox

No. Physical attraction matters to some people more than others, it doesnt make you shallow in the slightest. You cant help who you're attracted to ( or who you're not ).

Thank you! I just feel terrible and when I was young I was harassed by the guy I rejected friends and now the guilt and nerves I feel when I reject someone is consuming. I don't want to make a guy feel horrible and self-conscious if I ended up going out with them and ignored that I wasn't attracted to them!

Reply 6

becausethenight

No, for most people that's probably the most important factor in deciding if they'll go out with someone. Most people want to date someone they have physical chemistry with. It would be worse to lead someone on "to be nice" that you didn't really want to be with.
It's still important to let people down kindly though.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

Just don't be sad then if it turns out the guy you like in the future rejects you because he isn't physically attracted to you.

It may not be the case but you never know...

I have had this happen so I wouldn't hold it against them but idk I still feel terrible!

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Original post by becausethenight

I wouldn't say it's the most important factor but I do consider it and I always do it as kindly and awkwardly apologetically as I'm able

Reply 9

Amyloveschocs

no, men do it all the time! they are also verbally abusive to overweight women, on several occasions i have witnessed this!

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Original post by Amyloveschocs

no, men do it all the time! they are also verbally abusive to overweight women, on several occasions i have witnessed this!

yes I know! it's so terrible when some of them tear women down in their rejection! I always try and be as nice as possible

Reply 11

username5600688

Original post by Amyloveschocs

no, men do it all the time! they are also verbally abusive to overweight women, on several occasions i have witnessed this!

Original post by Anonymous

yes I know! it's so terrible when some of them tear women down in their rejection! I always try and be as nice as possible

women reject overweight men all the time btw

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

Original post by CatGentleman

women reject overweight men all the time btw

Yeah I know, we weren't trying to limit it to gender, we're just on about what we've seen personally

Reply 13

username5600688

Original post by Anonymous

Yeah I know, we weren't trying to limit it to gender, we're just on about what we've seen personally

It's not just you, I have heard this complaint numerous time and people proceed to discuss it as if women don't judge men by weight. They do, probably more btw.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

Original post by CatGentleman

It's not just you, I have heard this complaint numerous time and people proceed to discuss it as if women don't judge men by weight. They do, probably more btw.

like I said, my PERSONAL experience has been men to women. But yes, I do think a lot of people judge by weight, especially women to men.

Reply 15

username5600688

It's not frowned upon for a man to reject a woman on the basis of lack of physical attraction. At all.

Reply 16

Anonymous #3

Well if ur looking for someone for life would u really want to be someone who’s likely to die early due to the plethora of diseases being overweight can bring? Sorry for getting a bit deep
Besides, isn’t it the same as judging someone for having a wonky nose lol

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

Like I've said in the other comments, I've been rejected by many guys and I've never held it against them or anything, this is not a gender thing, this is just a guilt thing, like is it a bad thing to consider, I was trying to get across my experience in the first post.

Reply 18

Anonymous #4

absolutely not! perhaps its a tiny bit shallow, but ultimately physical attraction and sexual chemistry is one of the things that differentiate a relationship from a close friendship. so long as you're always polite about rejecting them and don't let yourself become too hyper-focussed on appearances you are and will be absolutely fine. :biggrin:

Reply 19

Anonymous #5

You don't owe any explanation if you do not want to be in a relationship with someone no matter what your personal reason for that may be, and you definitely don't owe your friend a relationship just because he wants one with you. As long as you aren't purposefully being hurtful in rejections (which it sounds like you aren't), there is nothing wrong with saying no.

You are the one who has to decide if a relationship is right for you, not anyone else, and if physical attraction is important to you, it's not up to anyone else to say that you should ignore that. If it hurts them that sucks, but rejection is part of life, and it's probably not the best idea to get into a relationship out of pity or because you don't want to hurt the other person.