The Student Room Group

I've cheated on my boyfriend

Oh I'm in such a mess I was feeling down during the lockdown and I stupidly allowed a friend in halls to come to my room I poured my heart out and things happened and we ended up having sex the thing is I got s boyfriend back home but I hadn't seen him since before Christmas and we had been arguing, what should I do? Should I tell my boyfriend?

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Original post by Anonymous
Oh I'm in such a mess I was feeling down during the lockdown and I stupidly allowed a friend in halls to come to my room I poured my heart out and things happened and we ended up having sex the thing is I got s boyfriend back home but I hadn't seen him since before Christmas and we had been arguing, what should I do? Should I tell my boyfriend?

Yes.

If you care about your boyfriend, you should be honest with him.
Explain what happened, let him know how you feel.

Hopefully, if you both love each other, you'll be able to find a way past this.
Original post by Anonymous
Oh I'm in such a mess I was feeling down during the lockdown and I stupidly allowed a friend in halls to come to my room I poured my heart out and things happened and we ended up having sex the thing is I got s boyfriend back home but I hadn't seen him since before Christmas and we had been arguing, what should I do? Should I tell my boyfriend?

Are you even sure you care that much about your boyfriend? no judgement, just asking
Reply 3
Original post by LauraforChrist
Are you even sure you care that much about your boyfriend? no judgement, just asking

I do I mean it is stupid I don't know why I let it get that far with this guy guess just felt lonely and craved attention
Original post by Anonymous
Oh I'm in such a mess I was feeling down during the lockdown and I stupidly allowed a friend in halls to come to my room I poured my heart out and things happened and we ended up having sex the thing is I got s boyfriend back home but I hadn't seen him since before Christmas and we had been arguing, what should I do? Should I tell my boyfriend?

Lots of things to think about here. Firstly by the sounds of it you know this guy pretty well since you call him a friend and you will have a lot of future contact with him given he is in your halls. Will this happen again? If you think it can then you definitely need to talk about it because it will be more than just a one off. Does your friend know it was a one off and a mistake and won't happen again and that it didn't have any feeling behind it? You have to make sure he knows where you stand if you want to have a chance with your bf. Personally I would want my gf to tell me even if it means it could end there and then, because if you keep it away from him it will eventually come and bite you back often when you don't expect it. And that would be way more ugly than being upfront. If you were arguing and haven't seen each other in a long time maybe there is a chance he could understand and move over it but don't be surprised if he doesn't because he will feel embarrassed, angry, disappointed etc. Have you been texting/calling regularly since Christmas? That could make a big difference on how he takes it.
Reply 5
Original post by Anonymous
Lots of things to think about here. Firstly by the sounds of it you know this guy pretty well since you call him a friend and you will have a lot of future contact with him given he is in your halls. Will this happen again? If you think it can then you definitely need to talk about it because it will be more than just a one off. Does your friend know it was a one off and a mistake and won't happen again and that it didn't have any feeling behind it? You have to make sure he knows where you stand if you want to have a chance with your bf. Personally I would want my gf to tell me even if it means it could end there and then, because if you keep it away from him it will eventually come and bite you back often when you don't expect it. And that would be way more ugly than being upfront. If you were arguing and haven't seen each other in a long time maybe there is a chance he could understand and move over it but don't be surprised if he doesn't because he will feel embarrassed, angry, disappointed etc. Have you been texting/calling regularly since Christmas? That could make a big difference on how he takes it.

He's a good friend but he did also said please don't tell anyone what we did after
Original post by Anonymous
Oh I'm in such a mess I was feeling down during the lockdown and I stupidly allowed a friend in halls to come to my room I poured my heart out and things happened and we ended up having sex the thing is I got s boyfriend back home but I hadn't seen him since before Christmas and we had been arguing, what should I do? Should I tell my boyfriend?


You had sex with someone whose not your boyfriend and you're seriously questioning if you should tell him??

I think the god given answer would be Yes, you should tell him.

Even if he ends it, it'd be for the best, and you'd have walked away from a relationship that had ended the right way. Lying doesn't do anyone any good, neither does concealing something.

Lockdown has everyone moving mad, and your boyfriend back home might really be struggling, so it's just best to take him into consideration, and let him know what happened and be honest. Whatever happens next is his right to decide im afraid. Everything works out in the end.
Don't tell him. It is a mistake and forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes.
Original post by blink_blackpink
Don't tell him. It is a mistake and forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes.

This is terrible advice. The people above have worded my take on the matter much better than I ever could, but stuff like that eats away at you. It'd be better in the long run for their relationship (no matter what happens as a result) if she's honest.
Original post by Anonymous
This is terrible advice. The people above have worded my take on the matter much better than I ever could, but stuff like that eats away at you. It'd be better in the long run for their relationship (no matter what happens as a result) if she's honest.

No she should hide it and not do it again. That is the solution. No need to expose your private life to bf. Just forget it. Don't repeat it.
Original post by blink_blackpink
No she should hide it and not do it again. That is the solution. No need to expose your private life to bf. Just forget it. Don't repeat it.

But he has a right to know, a relationship is two ways. The girl disrespected her boyfriend by having sex with someone else, if she wanted her life so private then she wouldn't be in a relationship to begin with. Besides these things can't be hidden, only a matter of time before the truth reveals it's ugly self, and what then? She'd be in a greater pile of shite than she would have been in had she had just been honest to her boyfriend. Not the way to go, at all.
Original post by blink_blackpink
No she should hide it and not do it again. That is the solution. No need to expose your private life to bf. Just forget it. Don't repeat it.

Stuff like that isn't a "private life" - if you're in a relationship with someone, you owe them your honesty. Betraying someone's trust like that isn't something you can just pretend never happened and move on, because if she knows the other guy (as she does), it could well come back to haunt her, in which case the outcome would be far worse.

I don't know how old you are, but your attitude to the matter seems quite immature - that isn't how a serious, adult relationship should work.
Of course, you have to tell him😔. It's not fair on him
You should tell him. He deserves to know, the same as you would deserve to know if he'd been whoring himself around.
Original post by Anonymous
Stuff like that isn't a "private life" - if you're in a relationship with someone, you owe them your honesty. Betraying someone's trust like that isn't something you can just pretend never happened and move on, because if she knows the other guy (as she does), it could well come back to haunt her, in which case the outcome would be far worse.

I don't know how old you are, but your attitude to the matter seems quite immature - that isn't how a serious, adult relationship should work.

She can cheat on him secretly. He doesn't need to know. Secrets can stay secrets.
Original post by blink_blackpink
She can forget her mistakes. Just don't do it again. Not a big deal anyway as if men are loyal anyway. Men cheat too.

OP cheat on him all you want. F ck patriarchy.

Troll.

We have no reason to think he cheated. "Men cheat too" isn't evidence of anything other than you being a troll with this ''advice''.
Original post by blink_blackpink
She can forget her mistakes. Just don't do it again. Not a big deal anyway as if men are loyal anyway. Men cheat too.

OP cheat on him all you want. F ck patriarchy.

Chr*st you're immature. That sort of attitude is just going to make the situation far, far worse. You're not helping anyone with those sort of comments.
Original post by blink_blackpink
She can cheat on him secretly. He doesn't need to know. Secrets can stay secrets.



Original post by blink_blackpink
She can forget her mistakes. Just don't do it again. Not a big deal anyway as if men are loyal anyway. Men cheat too.

OP cheat on him all you want. F ck patriarchy.


Original post by blink_blackpink
No she should hide it and not do it again. That is the solution. No need to expose your private life to bf. Just forget it. Don't repeat it.

🤦*♀️🤦*♀️
Original post by blink_blackpink
She can forget her mistakes. Just don't do it again. Not a big deal anyway as if men are loyal anyway. Men cheat too.

OP cheat on him all you want. F ck patriarchy.

Men are also human who have feelings, sorry to burst on that level of parade.

Telling the truth is honestly the best way to go, even if it hurts, we all f*ck up. Whether or not her boyfriend is a cheat or would have cheated anyway because he's a "man" is irrelevant. It doesn't disguise the fact that she is in a committed relationship and that she did something dishonest.
Original post by blink_blackpink
She can forget her mistakes. Just don't do it again. Not a big deal anyway as if men are loyal anyway. Men cheat too.

OP cheat on him all you want. F ck patriarchy.

Those aren't very consistent beliefs.

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