Confused

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Miaj_27272
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#1
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So me and boyfriend had a argument yesterday ( we’ve sorted it out it was a miscommunication one ) we’ve had a few lately and we both think it’s due to lockdown and not being able to be with Each other indoors / in houses and do “ normal couple things “ such as express lots of physical affection ( which is both our love languages ) , bake, or play video games with one another etc.. after the argument yesterday, I said I was thinking about breaking up but I only said they because I was annoyed at what my boyfriend said as I thought he meant something else , and then he got annoyed that I was and walked off. After we sorted it out, I then said “ I was thinking about breaking up “ in the heat of moment kinda thing , and said “but I know you’re a good one” and you care for me. He then said “ yeah I was thinking about taking breaks also”. We continued this chat on text and I said “it may be good for us as we can sort ourselves out And come back to each other when we are more stable “ ( I have anxiety and stuff and I’m doing 1-1 CBT soon ) and he’s when i told him before the argument yesterday ( text ) he said “Well its something you're wanting to sort out with yourself and I'm just wanting that to happen so you can feel ” he’s always been supportive with things like that in general. - so back to the break issue - he then said “ I wish I hadn’t of said that now as I feel horrible “ so I said “ how come ?” And then he replied back saying “ you make it sound like we are breaking up and I don’t want to do that even though I’ve thought about taking a break but it’s something I don’t want to do “ and I said “ if it’s what best for us “ as I don’t want to “break up with you also“ even though I don’t think a break is actually breaking up? But like I said , I don’t know if all of the arguments we are having is because of lockdown and we are both stressing about our relationship? As he said “ he’s stressing about us and himself” . He’s said before “he doesn’t want to lose me”

so the main point I’m trying to get across is, is he only saying about breaks as of the arguments we are having and his personal life ( stress and us as a couple? ) sorry for the long paragraph!
Last edited by Miaj_27272; 6 months ago
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buggly21
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(Original post by Miaj_27272)
So me and boyfriend had a argument yesterday ( we’ve sorted it out it was a miscommunication one ) we’ve had a few lately and we both think it’s due to lockdown and not being able to be with Each other indoors / in houses and do “ normal couple things “ such as express lots of physical affection ( which is both our love languages ) , bake, or play video games with one another etc.. after the argument yesterday, I said I was thinking about breaking up but I only said they because I was annoyed at what my boyfriend said as I thought he meant something else , and then he got annoyed that I was and walked off. After we sorted it out, I then said “ I was thinking about breaking up “ in the heat of moment kinda thing , and said “but I know you’re a good one” and you care for me. He then said “ yeah I was thinking about taking breaks also”. We continued this chat on text and I said “it may be good for us as we can sort ourselves out And come back to each other when we are more stable “ ( I have anxiety and stuff and I’m doing 1-1 CBT soon ) and he’s when i told him before the argument yesterday ( text ) he said “Well its something you're wanting to sort out with yourself and I'm just wanting that to happen so you can feel ” he’s always been supportive with things like that in general. - so back to the break issue - he then said “ I wish I hadn’t of said that now as I feel horrible “ so I said “ how come ?” And then he replied back saying “ you make it sound like we are breaking up and I don’t want to do that even though I’ve thought about taking a break but it’s something I don’t want to do “ and I said “ if it’s what best for us then🤷🏼*♀️ as I don’t want to ‘break up with you also’ “ even though I don’t think a break is actually breaking up? But like I said , I don’t know if all of the arguments we are having is because of lockdown and we are both stressing about our relationship? As he said “ he’s stressing about us and himself” . He’s said before “he doesn’t want to lose me”

so the main point I’m trying to get across is, is he only saying about breaks as of the arguments we are having and his personal life ( stress and us as a couple? ) sorry for the long paragraph!
Sounds like you're both just stressed out due to lockdown etc. I would try and talk through it all and be rational where possible. It's a tough time for couples who don't live together (been with my bf for 4yrs) and i know I've had tension within my own relationship. Just breathe, have a think and reflect on what you want and what you want to do about the situation. Then communicate those thoughts with your bf, just remember to listen and be emotionally available for him - this is a tough time for both of you. It'll improve, especially as the weather brightens and the restrictions start to ease
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Miaj_27272
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(Original post by buggly21)
Sounds like you're both just stressed out due to lockdown etc. I would try and talk through it all and be rational where possible. It's a tough time for couples who don't live together (been with my bf for 4yrs) and i know I've had tension within my own relationship. Just breathe, have a think and reflect on what you want and what you want to do about the situation. Then communicate those thoughts with your bf, just remember to listen and be emotionally available for him - this is a tough time for both of you. It'll improve, especially as the weather brightens and the restrictions start to ease
Thankyou so much for you’re comment , I will take what you said in
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Surnia
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So, there's an argument. Once it's over you throw it out there that you want to break up, so you haven't said it in the heat of the moment, and your boyfriend's response is to walk away, then to say he's been considering breaks, but he's just dropped that into conversation because you have, and not when he decided it.

None of this is very mature. Instead of your physical 'love language' you both need to work on your communication and honesty. There's no talk about true feelings, there's emotional blackmail. None of these are due to lockdown, it's due to personality. Personally, I've never seen the point in having a break; you are there to love, support and care for each other, not dip in and out when things get a bit difficult. If you go down that route, you both need to talk it over properly and decide on the timescale and boundaries. However, you want to break up, he wants a break, so you aren't on the same page to start with. This is going to take a lot of sorting out and these issues could reoccur later.
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Miaj_27272
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(Original post by Surnia)
So, there's an argument. Once it's over you throw it out there that you want to break up, so you haven't said it in the heat of the moment, and your boyfriend's response is to walk away, then to say he's been considering breaks, but he's just dropped that into conversation because you have, and not when he decided it.

None of this is very mature. Instead of your physical 'love language' you both need to work on your communication and honesty. There's no talk about true feelings, there's emotional blackmail. None of these are due to lockdown, it's due to personality. Personally, I've never seen the point in having a break; you are there to love, support and care for each other, not dip in and out when things get a bit difficult. If you go down that route, you both need to talk it over properly and decide on the timescale and boundaries. However, you want to break up, he wants a break, so you aren't on the same page to start with. This is going to take a lot of sorting out and these issues could reoccur later.
I was only on about “breaking up” when we wasn’t talking in my head as since I’m a massive over thinker that’s what my thoughts had came to as I think we are both sick of arguing , but when we do, we always manage to sort it out, like we both don’t want to break up or have a “break” because We want to be together so it was silly really. let me just rephrase about why I thought about breaking up also - so We wasn’t talking and then I said “I’m annoyed at you “ and he said “ I gathered that”. I then I walked faster and away from him Cos I was “annoyed” and then he walked away from me. that’s what I meant to put. So we was basically just annoyed each other from some argument as I Mis understood What he meant about it all . Hope that makes sense. And he didn’t say about “ taking breaks” because I did , he said “ yeah I’ve thought about them myself” so.. I also think the only reason he said that was because of the arguments and stress with himself and us.
Last edited by Miaj_27272; 6 months ago
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Surnia
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(Original post by Miaj_27272)
I was only on about “breaking up” when we wasn’t talking in my head as since I’m a massive over thinker that’s what my thoughts had came to as I think we are both sick of arguing , but when we do, we always manage to sort it out, like we both don’t want to break up or have a “break” because We want to be together so it was silly really. let me just rephrase about why I thought about breaking up also - so We wasn’t talking and then I said “I’m annoyed at you “ and he said “ I gathered that”. I then I walked faster and away from him Cos I was “annoyed” and then he walked away from me. that’s what I meant to put. So we was basically just annoyed each other from some argument as I Mis understood What he meant about it all . Hope that makes sense. And he didn’t say about “ taking breaks” because I did i think the only reason he said it was because of the arguments and stress with himself.
Still doesn't make sense. First you said you'd sorted things out but wanted to break up, now you were out for walk, but you weren't talking, and you said you wanted to break up? And then neither of you could pick the phone up, you tried to sort this out over text?

Stand by my original post; immaturity and poor communication between the pair of you.
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Miaj_27272
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(Original post by Surnia)
Still doesn't make sense. First you said you'd sorted things out but wanted to break up, now you were out for walk, but you weren't talking, and you said you wanted to break up? And then neither of you could pick the phone up, you tried to sort this out over text?

Stand by my original post; immaturity and poor communication between the pair of you.
Yes we was out for a walk as we had met up. So when we was walking, he said something and I took it the wrong way ( miscommunication) then we had an argument about it and I said l you know I’m annoyed “ he then said “ I gathered “ I then walked away , and then he did. Then we managed to sort things out after we talked about the breaks and stuff. and both said we don’t want to do that so I think it was in the heat of the moment as of arguments and other factors such as stress and lockdown. I don’t know what to think or do, like I’m stressing out now about it all.
Last edited by Miaj_27272; 6 months ago
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