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My mum opened my letter from the GP

I’ve been trying to get a diagnosis for ADHD for a while now and my referral letter just came through *yay* but my mum opened it and asked me what I was doing with the NHS. I haven’t told anyone in my family about it as they are very anti mental health and all due to cultural reasons and now I don’t know what to tell her. I’m considering telling her that I’m going to interview them and ask about ADHD in adults as I’m making a report on it but I feel like she’ll see right through me. I don’t know how much of it she’s read but I don’t want it to turn into a big thing. Any advice /excuses would really help

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Original post by Anonymous
I’ve been trying to get a diagnosis for ADHD for a while now and my referral letter just came through *yay* but my mum opened it and asked me what I was doing with the NHS. I haven’t told anyone in my family about it as they are very anti mental health and all due to cultural reasons and now I don’t know what to tell her. I’m considering telling her that I’m going to interview them and ask about ADHD in adults as I’m making a report on it but I feel like she’ll see right through me. I don’t know how much of it she’s read but I don’t want it to turn into a big thing. Any advice /excuses would really help

I think you should try explaining what ADHD is and that you want to get help for it, if you explain to her that it's important to you she might understand, that's my advice I hope it helps!!!
Tell them it is a private letter, that they had no right to open it and that your health and medical matters are personal and nothing to do with them. If there's anything they need to know, you will share it with them.
Original post by Anonymous
Tell them it is a private letter, that they had no right to open it and that your health and medical matters are personal and nothing to do with them. If there's anything they need to know, you will share it with them.

^ this
Original post by Anonymous
Tell them it is a private letter, that they had no right to open it and that your health and medical matters are personal and nothing to do with them. If there's anything they need to know, you will share it with them.

Don't do this!!! Because it will almost certainly unnecessarily escalate the situation
Original post by Anonymous
Don't do this!!! Because it will almost certainly unnecessarily escalate the situation

I agree
Original post by Anonymous
Don't do this!!! Because it will almost certainly unnecessarily escalate the situation

Its better than lying, which the OP is considering, even though her mum will know she is being deceived.
Original post by Anonymous
Tell them it is a private letter, that they had no right to open it and that your health and medical matters are personal and nothing to do with them. If there's anything they need to know, you will share it with them.

Definitely do this
I doubt ur mum would like it if u opened her letters
Being from an ethnic background, it may escalate the situation if OP doesn’t convey this to her mum in a suitable manner.
Reply 9
Avatar for Pathway
Pathway
20
When my dad started opening my letters I told him not to as it's nothing to do with him or I'd start opening his private and confidential letters. He stopped after that. PS my dad's middle eastern.

She's got no right, it's not addressed to her, therefore it's nothing to do with her.
(edited 3 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
Being from an ethnic background, it may escalate the situation if OP doesn’t convey this to her mum in a suitable manner.

and it won't if OP makes up a very obvious lie?
Reply 11
Avatar for ANM775
ANM775
20
Original post by Anonymous
Tell them it is a private letter, that they had no right to open it and that your health and medical matters are personal and nothing to do with them. If there's anything they need to know, you will share it with them.



tbh they shouldn't of opened it as it was a personal letter addressed to her, but as a parent arguably they have a right to depending on her age...
Original post by Anonymous
Its better than lying, which the OP is considering, even though her mum will know she is being deceived.

I feel like a family that is anti-mental health due to cultural reasons would not take kindly to the children dictating what rights the parents have.

But I agree lying is bad.

To the OP: Very difficult situation, is there another family member that would empathise with you? A father, relative (especially if anyone in healthcare? I'd want to try and explain the situation to my mother and get her to understand, and showing you have the support of another respected family member may make that possible.
Original post by ANM775
tbh they shouldn't of opened it as it was a personal letter addressed to her, but as a parent arguably they have a right to depending on her age...

Yeah age is a big factor
Original post by Anonymous
Don't do this!!! Because it will almost certainly unnecessarily escalate the situation

OP has to create boundaries. If OP's parents are willing to disregard her privacy maybe the situation needs to be escalated.
Original post by Theloniouss
OP has to create boundaries. If OP's parents are willing to disregard her privacy maybe the situation needs to be escalated.

I agree the mother shouldn't have opened it, but escalation in a situation where cooperation and understanding is primarily needed isn't a good idea
Original post by Anonymous
I agree the mother shouldn't have opened it, but escalation in a situation where cooperation and understanding is primarily needed isn't a good idea

Privacy boundaries could (and maybe should) be a thing to discuss w the mother in later on, but it doesn't really help the matter at hand
Original post by Anonymous
I agree the mother shouldn't have opened it, but escalation in a situation where cooperation and understanding is primarily needed isn't a good idea

Okay, but how are the parents going to understand that OP deserves privacy without being told that?
Original post by Anonymous
I agree the mother shouldn't have opened it, but escalation in a situation where cooperation and understanding is primarily needed isn't a good idea


I doubt they would want to understand tbh judging by the fact they open OPs mail and already don't "believe" in MH.

Technically this is against the law as this isn't a reasonable excuse to open someone else's mail.
Original post by Theloniouss
Okay, but how are the parents going to understand that OP deserves privacy without being told that?


Original post by Pathway
I doubt they would want to understand tbh judging by the fact they open OPs mail and already don't "believe" in MH.

Technically this is against the law as this isn't a reasonable excuse to open someone else's mail.

I agree with both of you that the privacy issue needs to be addressed.

But I'm just saying at this point where OP's concern is the ADHD referral being exposed, it's in his/her interest to focus on encouraging the mother to agree w that before escalating to the general issue of lack of privacy (which still should be addressed).

Escalation to general privacy issues is undoubtedly going to be contentious, and I'm sure the mother will take issue w it. Confrontation will involve raised tensions, and that may make her less inclined to be understanding about the ADHD.

The ADHD may be something that she doesn't believe in, but she could be educated using NHS.com and if possible any in-family healthcare workers. In a situation where she's not already angry, she may then be supportive about the ADHD referral. After this, the privacy issue could be addressed

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