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Boyfriend called me slutty?

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Original post by canyoustopthat
I’m using dating as catch-all term to make it simpler, as it doesn’t really change much about the scenario at hand. Unless of course you’re a misogynist who thinks women engaging in sex makes them a cheap slut and that this is worthy of making people rage, which it seems you are.

Dating or not dating, why does that matter?

What exactly is unpalatable about two grown adults having a mutually beneficial sexual relationship?What about that situation is so sinister?I find it funny that you think me using the word “dating” as some big gotcha when in reality it just exposes more of your terrible attitude.

Let me explain how some males think (as best as i can)

Many grown men don't care about their partner’s previous relationships as long as it is discussed in general terms. However, there are few grown men imho who would hear the actual details of their partner’s previous relationship and not a reaction to it. Now the reaction is dependent on the level of insecurity and whether they truly care about their partner.

The OP’s bf read her diary which, based on my understanding, would be truthful and open. As a result, the graphic details might not be taken as lightly as if it was understood in general terms.
Original post by anosmianAcrimony
God why can't I upvote all your posts. I can't say what I want to say better than how you're saying it. Infuriating. :angry:


Appreciate it.

I shudder to imagine these people raising sons and daughters. Telling their sons that rage towards their girlfriends for having sex is normal and telling their daughters their partners screaming at them and insulting them is a sign of care.

🤮
Original post by anosmianAcrimony
It seems like you don't know how males think - or rather that you're generalising your own abhorrent viewpoints into the minds of males at large. If I happened to find out my girlfriend had had a friend with benefits before me, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I suspect that is the norm. Also normal: Not shouting and being insulting and abusive towards the person you care about, if something does bother you.

If you read the details in her diary, you would be alright with it? Alright then. I respect that, big man.
Original post by Wired_1800
If you read the details in her diary, you would be alright with it? Alright then. I respect that, big man.

I wouldn't end up reading the details in her diary, because I wouldn't go snooping through her diary. If she showed me her diary, including these details, I'd probably be like, this is a bit weird, why do I need to know these things? Good for you I guess?? But I wouldn't be angry in the slightest.
Original post by Anonymous
Ah okay but yh I don’t think he’s a bad person, he’s at fault for checking the diary, but if there was explicit sexual notes in their it 100% took a blow to his self esteem, which caused him to act rashly.

He should deffo apologise tho

100%, he must apologise.

He played himself by reading her diary. You never read a woman’s diary or messages. Rule #1 and he failed it.
Original post by anosmianAcrimony
It seems like you don't know how males think - or rather that you're generalising your own abhorrent viewpoints into the minds of males at large. If I happened to find out my girlfriend had had a friend with benefits before me, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I suspect that is the norm. Also normal: Not shouting and being insulting and abusive towards the person you care about, if something does bother you.


PRSOM
Original post by Wired_1800
Let me explain how some males think (as best as i can)

Many grown men don't care about their partner’s previous relationships as long as it is discussed in general terms. However, there are few grown men imho who would hear the actual details of their partner’s previous relationship and not a reaction to it. Now the reaction is dependent on the level of insecurity and whether they truly care about their partner.

The OP’s bf read her diary which, based on my understanding, would be truthful and open. As a result, the graphic details might not be taken as lightly as if it was understood in general terms.


Stop generalising men. Not every man thinks like you.
Original post by anosmianAcrimony
I wouldn't end up reading the details in her diary, because I wouldn't go snooping through her diary. If she showed me her diary, including these details, I'd probably be like, this is a bit weird, why do I need to know these things? Good for you I guess?? But I wouldn't be angry in the slightest.

You are the best of us, mate.

In practice, there are some guys who would have done that and then gotten upset.
Original post by Wired_1800
Let me explain how some males think (as best as i can)

Many grown men don't care about their partner’s previous relationships as long as it is discussed in general terms. However, there are few grown men imho who would hear the actual details of their partner’s previous relationship and not a reaction to it. Now the reaction is dependent on the level of insecurity and whether they truly care about their partner.

The OP’s bf read her diary which, based on my understanding, would be truthful and open. As a result, the graphic details might not be taken as lightly as if it was understood in general terms.


I am not arguing against the idea that knowing intimate details may inspire jealousy - that’s normal. It’s normal to compare yourself to others - women do it it to.

What is not normal is - as repeated multiple times now - calling a girl you claim you care about and respect a slut, calling her cheap, screaming at her, giving her silent treatment, and making her feel guilty. There’s several ways to express jealousy that aren’t screaming your head off and being aggressive. You are responsible for controlling your behaviour. His jealousy is not the problem - his explosive reaction is and and it speaks volumes about how he thinks of women and sex in general and it reveals nothing positive about him.

When my partner gets jealous for whatever reason we make jokes about it and reassure one another. We do not scream at one another and he doesn’t tell me I’m a slut.
Original post by canyoustopthat
Appreciate it.

I shudder to imagine these people raising sons and daughters. Telling their sons that rage towards their girlfriends for having sex is normal and telling their daughters their partners screaming at them and insulting them is a sign of care.

🤮

Hopefully their attitudes will preclude them from having sons and daughters until they grow a bit more emotional maturity >.>

I guess this is how we get guys who have these attitudes in the first place - they were raised that way. Depressing.
Original post by Anonymous
Stop generalising men. Not every man thinks like you.

Key word: “some”.
Original post by Anonymous
Stop generalising men. Not every man thinks like you.

Thank. God.
Original post by Wired_1800
If you read the details in her diary, you would be alright with it? Alright then. I respect that, big man.


You shouldn’t be reading her diary in the first place.
Original post by Wired_1800
If you read the details in her diary, you would be alright with it? Alright then. I respect that, big man.

The main issue is that he read her diary without her consent.

Tbh my biggest pet peeve is when people get upset/angry in situations they caused themselves.

Like you read a diary which contains her private information from before they were dating, and you’re mad that you’ve found out she’s had a sex life prior? It’s quite bad tbh

Like personally I wouldn’t touch my significant others things without her knowing, I would be so mad if she went through mine
Original post by anosmianAcrimony
Thank. God.

:colone:
Original post by Wired_1800
If you read the details in her diary, you would be alright with it? Alright then. I respect that, big man.


What would you not be alright with?


Why would you be mad at her?What has she done wrong?
Original post by Anonymous
The main issue is that he read her diary without her consent.

Tbh my biggest pet peeve is when people get upset/angry in situations they caused themselves.

Like you read a diary which contains her private information from before they were dating, and you’re mad that you’ve found out she’s had a sex life prior? It’s quite bad tbh

Like personally I wouldn’t touch my significant others things without her knowing, I would be so mad if she went through mine

My guess would be that he probably had a different perception of his partner before reading the diary. He shouldn’t have done that, but it was done.
Original post by Wired_1800
Key word: “some”.


That “some” is invalid. Your statement can’t be quantified as you haven’t met all 3 billion+ men and boys on this planet to prove this. Stop generalising men to justify your abnormal thinking.
Original post by canyoustopthat
What would you not be alright with?


Why would you be mad at her?What has she done wrong?

I don't think this thread is about me.

If it was me, i would not read the diary in the first instance because i would not know how i would react to the information that i might see.

If it was me and it was really messed up details and I did not really care for her, I would have left the relationship. This is just me though.
Original post by Wired_1800
My guess would be that he probably had a different perception of his partner before reading the diary. He shouldn’t have done that, but it was done.


What kind of perception? That she’s a pure virgin that has never been tainted by another man? Any guy that has a different perception of a woman after finding out she’s had sex is a misogynist.

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