Bella1525
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i am 14 and i got a bad mark on this .
It is my first time writing a poem comparison.
someone error happened the last time i sent this on a forum . so i cant see the correction the people who marked it and sent me . so can someone tell my mistakes ,my teacher never told me exactly what my mistakes were and how to improve it


Both “dulce et decorum Est”by winifred owen and “suicide in the trenches “ by sigrifried sassoon
were written from what they witnessed during their experiences in world war one .Both winifred owen and siegfried sassoon were soldiers that fought in the war but the poem siegfried sassoon wrote is more factual about the difficulties soldiers experienced not only physically but mentally . While winifred owens because owens poem is more to do with his own personal views on war and the difficulties that he felt and witnessed .

Dulce et decorum est is split into four stanzas .This is make the reader understand in depth what is going on from the start of the poem from the end of the poem.Also winifred uses rhyming couplets to state the differences between expectation and reality “ desperate glory “ and “mori “ shows us that people expect war to be something that your going to get honour for but the word “mori “ which in latin means to die but the reality is that you may not even be able to see or feel “desperate glory” that you wanted before you signed up to join the war .On the other hand suicude in the trenches is fast pace “He put a bullet through his head .” It gets straight to the point .This pace emphasises that this is a frequent response in the time period to take your own life and that he just wants to remind the readers of it .

Owen uses imagery “bent double like beggars on old sack” the word”beggars” shows us that they are almost pleading for help and creates an image that they are so weak they can barely stand up straight. Similarly Sasoon uses imagery “whistled early with the lark “but instead of showing reality and hardships of the soldiers he uses it to portray the setting of the poem.Also wilfred owen uses personification “drunk with fatigue “ the word “drunk “ shows us that the exhaustion the soldiers feel has taken over them this makes the reader feel sympathy for them.Likewise Sassoon also uses personification “ who grinned at life in empty joy .” sassoon want to reader to know how these soldiers were before the war “empty joy” shows us that the boy he is talking about in the poem led a very simple but he was happy ,unlike owen he is talking about the boy’s life before he joined the war this helps the reader make a comparison on how war can affect someone mentally .

Owen changes pace throughout the poem “Gas!Gas!Quick boys !-'' the exclamation marks make the reader say it in a louder tone this is to show the urgency and desperation .
The pace shows us there is no time for thinking in the battlefield ,you have to get straight to action .Siegfried also changes the pace “he put a bullet through his brain .“ however unlike owen he gets straight to the action and states directly to the reader and shows that there is no tension or stress in committing an action like this and it is a usual thing to do at the time.

Furthermore in “dulce et decorum est “ owen changes the tones by the ending of the poem by getting straight to his main aim “The old lie “ the lie is it is sweet and fitting to die for one's country and he says it directly because he want to criticise society about the lies they have heard about war .He actually directed the poem to jesse Pope because he wanted to highlight his anger to her because she who wrote a poem called “Who’s for the Game “ before men were forced to join and she made it sound like going to war is a fun game and fighting in the war will get make your country and yourself proud. Sassoon also addresses his emotions by having compassion for the men that have fought in the war by ending it with “the hell where youth and laughter go “ however he uses the metaphor “hell “ by comparing it directly to war to state that this is how the soldiers feel by the end of war and throughout it .He frames that the experience of war may traumatize people for life.
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musicalrose
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could you tell us what the title of the question is? This may be how you lost marks as it might not have related to the original question that well?
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musicalrose
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You need to be capitalising important letters throughout- like the names of the poets and the names of the poem themselves- e.g. 'Dulce et Decorum' Est and 'Suicide in the Trenches'- also make sure to keep the quotation marks for the titles throughout. This may be where the question comes into play- what are you arguing in this essay? What does the question ask that you're responding to? Also capitalise World War I.

It might be worth having a quick sentence at the beginning of each paragraph which lets on to what you are arguing e.g. Both poems explore bleak imagery to evoke the hardship of war. In 'Dulce et Decorum Est' ... . However/ Additionally in 'Suicide in the Trenches'. If the question is asking something like how do the authors do something, make sure to refer to the names of the authors throughout e.g. Owen uses this phrase to do this ect.

Never use the first name of the poet on its own- you don't know them personally like that lol- either do the full name or stick with the last name.

"Dulce et decorum est is split into four stanzas .This is make the reader understand in depth what is going on from the start of the poem from the end of the poem.Also winifred uses rhyming couplets to state the differences between expectation and reality “ desperate glory “ and “mori “ shows us that people expect war to be something that your going to get honour for but the word “mori “ which in latin means to die but the reality is that you may not even be able to see or feel “desperate glory” that you wanted before you signed up to join the war .On the other hand suicude in the trenches is fast pace “He put a bullet through his head .” It gets straight to the point .This pace emphasises that this is a frequent response in the time period to take your own life and that he just wants to remind the readers of it." - this whole paragraph feels very muddled to me. What are you trying to argue? Are you talking about structure or rhyming couplets or the meanings of words or the pace? Pick one and explain it fully and then contrast the same point for the other poem, otherwise there is no comparison. You also talk about pace later on so don't mention it twice.

You have really good content, but the explanation and evaluation needs developing. Also if you are mentioning context like in your last paragraph, you might be better of putting it at the beginning/introduction as it frames the essay very well. E.g. start with what the poems are, who wrote them, when, and why did they write them/purpose- this allows you to refer back to the context throughout your essay. Also you could use it to answer your question.

I would always write a conclusion for these kinds of essays- but frame your argument in context. I always find that you can conclude two poems really nicely by doing an analysis of the last line or two- as this generally encapsulates the meaning of the poem itself. E.g. In response to the question one might think ---------- (relating back to the question) and the last two lines relflect this. In Dulce et Decorum Est, Owen ... However in the other poem it does this ....

Hope that helps
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NightCap
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(Original post by musicalrose)
You need to be capitalising important letters throughout- like the names of the poets and the names of the poem themselves- e.g. 'Dulce et Decorum' Est and 'Suicide in the Trenches'- also make sure to keep the quotation marks for the titles throughout. This may be where the question comes into play- what are you arguing in this essay? What does the question ask that you're responding to? Also capitalise World War I.

It might be worth having a quick sentence at the beginning of each paragraph which lets on to what you are arguing e.g. Both poems explore bleak imagery to evoke the hardship of war. In 'Dulce et Decorum Est' ... . However/ Additionally in 'Suicide in the Trenches'. If the question is asking something like how do the authors do something, make sure to refer to the names of the authors throughout e.g. Owen uses this phrase to do this ect.

Never use the first name of the poet on its own- you don't know them personally like that lol- either do the full name or stick with the last name.

"Dulce et decorum est is split into four stanzas .This is make the reader understand in depth what is going on from the start of the poem from the end of the poem.Also winifred uses rhyming couplets to state the differences between expectation and reality “ desperate glory “ and “mori “ shows us that people expect war to be something that your going to get honour for but the word “mori “ which in latin means to die but the reality is that you may not even be able to see or feel “desperate glory” that you wanted before you signed up to join the war .On the other hand suicude in the trenches is fast pace “He put a bullet through his head .” It gets straight to the point .This pace emphasises that this is a frequent response in the time period to take your own life and that he just wants to remind the readers of it." - this whole paragraph feels very muddled to me. What are you trying to argue? Are you talking about structure or rhyming couplets or the meanings of words or the pace? Pick one and explain it fully and then contrast the same point for the other poem, otherwise there is no comparison. You also talk about pace later on so don't mention it twice.

You have really good content, but the explanation and evaluation needs developing. Also if you are mentioning context like in your last paragraph, you might be better of putting it at the beginning/introduction as it frames the essay very well. E.g. start with what the poems are, who wrote them, when, and why did they write them/purpose- this allows you to refer back to the context throughout your essay. Also you could use it to answer your question.

I would always write a conclusion for these kinds of essays- but frame your argument in context. I always find that you can conclude two poems really nicely by doing an analysis of the last line or two- as this generally encapsulates the meaning of the poem itself. E.g. In response to the question one might think ---------- (relating back to the question) and the last two lines relflect this. In Dulce et Decorum Est, Owen ... However in the other poem it does this ....

Hope that helps
Hello! I need help with looking at power and conflict exam responses. I'm having trouble deciding which response is best. Do you think you could help me out?
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musicalrose
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(Original post by NightCap)
Hello! I need help with looking at power and conflict exam responses. I'm having trouble deciding which response is best. Do you think you could help me out?
sure
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NightCap
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(Original post by musicalrose)
sure
Great, I'm going to make a post about it
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