muslim female
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I am a 20 year old muslim female and a first year university student. I am somewhat practicing. I also suffer from mental conditions like bipolar and anxiety. I want to ask something. I asked on islamic forum on reddit and ummah.com but their answers were too vague and unhelpful so I decided to ask on here .

I have been seeing my boyfriend for a few months, we met on an online dating app. We are both muslim. He is very attractive. Is it haram for me to have a boyfriend or lose virginity? Don't tell me that in islam you get married because I can't I have mental conditions and I don't want kids, marriage and to cook all day. Any advice will be helpful. Thank you.
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zz2002
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(Original post by muslim female)
I am a 20 year old muslim female and a first year university student. I am somewhat practicing. I also suffer from mental conditions like bipolar and anxiety. I want to ask something. I asked on islamic forum on reddit and ummah.com but their answers were too vague and unhelpful so I decided to ask on here .

I have been seeing my boyfriend for a few months, we met on an online dating app. We are both muslim. He is very attractive. Is it haram for me to have a boyfriend or lose virginity? Don't tell me that in islam you get married because I can't I have mental conditions and I don't want kids, marriage and to cook all day. Any advice will be helpful. Thank you.
Aslamoalaikum sister, i wrote a lot, but it got deleted for some reason so I’ve pm’d you
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the_pharaoh
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(Original post by muslim female)
I am a 20 year old muslim female and a first year university student. I am somewhat practicing. I also suffer from mental conditions like bipolar and anxiety. I want to ask something. I asked on islamic forum on reddit and ummah.com but their answers were too vague and unhelpful so I decided to ask on here .

I have been seeing my boyfriend for a few months, we met on an online dating app. We are both muslim. He is very attractive. Is it haram for me to have a boyfriend or lose virginity? Don't tell me that in islam you get married because I can't I have mental conditions and I don't want kids, marriage and to cook all day. Any advice will be helpful. Thank you.
Generally having a bf is Haram however if u aren't doing anything physical it might be ok
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sufys12
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(Original post by muslim female)
I am a 20 year old muslim female and a first year university student. I am somewhat practicing. I also suffer from mental conditions like bipolar and anxiety. I want to ask something. I asked on islamic forum on reddit and ummah.com but their answers were too vague and unhelpful so I decided to ask on here .

I have been seeing my boyfriend for a few months, we met on an online dating app. We are both muslim. He is very attractive. Is it haram for me to have a boyfriend or lose virginity? Don't tell me that in islam you get married because I can't I have mental conditions and I don't want kids, marriage and to cook all day. Any advice will be helpful. Thank you.
Having a boyfriend is haram in Islam. It's a pre-marital sexual relationship which is deemed unacceptable in the religion.
Losing virginity before marriage would be zina which is haram and a major sin.
You can get married if you have mental conditions, just let the prospective spouse know of this before marriage.
To lose virginity you must get married.
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muslim female
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(Original post by zz2002)
Aslamoalaikum sister, i wrote a lot, but it got deleted for some reason so I’ve pm’d you
Thanks, your private message reply was really kind. I tried to reply on private but my account is new. You asked why I can't you get married with a mental health condition. The reason is I have bipolar and anxiety so it is not really possible for me to get married because it will be too stressful and I can't handle the stress. I am already struggling with tiredness and oversleeping and I am taking a lot of medication from my GP to help.

As for boyfriend and girlfriend relationships, I know it is haram but in my case marriage is nearly impossible as I am ill. But I like my boyfriend a lot and I don't want us to break up. I tried to break up with him because I know it is haram but I felt more depressed and lonely without him. He doesn't have a lot of money and he is from another country so I couldn't marry him.

Can allah forgive me for my sins even if I continue?
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zz2002
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(Original post by muslim female)
Thanks, your private message reply was really kind. I tried to reply on private but my account is new. You asked why I can't you get married with a mental health condition. The reason is I have bipolar and anxiety so it is not really possible for me to get married because it will be too stressful and I can't handle the stress. I am already struggling with tiredness and oversleeping and I am taking a lot of medication from my GP to help.

As for boyfriend and girlfriend relationships, I know it is haram but in my case marriage is nearly impossible as I am ill. But I like my boyfriend a lot and I don't want us to break up. I tried to break up with him because I know it is haram but I felt more depressed and lonely without him. He doesn't have a lot of money and he is from another country so I couldn't marry him.

Can allah forgive me for my sins even if I continue?
Allah (SWT) is very merciful, but in this case the best thing would be to break up as it will lead to more harm for you if not made halal. What’s your boyfriend’s take on this? Also, how long have you known each other for?
Sis, I know it’s difficult for you right now, but if it’s meant to be nothing can ever stop you guys from being together, but for now if marriage isn’t the option, you should let go of it. A lot of people who live in separate countries have had a simple Nikah done through Skype and then when they’re more financially stable they’ve moved in together.

Allah (SWT) wants nothing, but the best for you, you’re very strong for going through this. I recommend praying Istikhara for the next week. This is a prayer for guidance from Allah (SWT) asking him to make thing easier for you if it’s meant to be or guide you to what is best for you. You just pray 2 rakat like for Fajr & then a Dua at the end, you can find it on Google.

We may now what we want and think that’s best for us from the limited knowledge we have about the future. But Allah (SWT) knows the unseen, He knows what harm that thing could bring to us or even what happiness something that we don’t think we need right now can bring us. He is the best of planners, He loves us more than our own mother, SubhanAllah
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muslim female
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(Original post by sufys12)
Having a boyfriend is haram in Islam. It's a pre-marital sexual relationship which is deemed unacceptable in the religion.
Losing virginity before marriage would be zina which is haram and a major sin.
You can get married if you have mental conditions, just let the prospective spouse know of this before marriage.
To lose virginity you must get married.
I have no choice though I am suffering from tiredness, bipolar and anxiety. My parents pay for my medication from the GP. It is impossible to get married and find someone willing to tolerate me.

With my boyfriend, we don't live in the same house. We only meet up once a week (sometimes less because of lockdown) and chat and message online. So having a boyfriend is easy. But having a husband is another story. You need to be responsible, healthy, cook and clean. All of which I cannot do. I am on Ritalin (for oversleeping and attention disorder), fluoxetine and sertraline and other meds too.

(Original post by the_pharaoh)
Generally having a bf is Haram however if u aren't doing anything physical it might be ok
We have held hands and kissed. We haven't had sex but I feel with our attraction it will be inevitable.
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muslim female
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(Original post by zz2002)
Allah (SWT) is very merciful, but in this case the best thing would be to break up as it will lead to more harm for you if not made halal. What’s your boyfriend’s take on this? Also, how long have you known each other for?
Sis, I know it’s difficult for you right now, but if it’s meant to be nothing can ever stop you guys from being together, but for now if marriage isn’t the option, you should let go of it. A lot of people who live in separate countries have had a simple Nikah done through Skype and then when they’re more financially stable they’ve moved in together.

Allah (SWT) wants nothing, but the best for you, you’re very strong for going through this. I recommend praying Istikhara for the next week. This is a prayer for guidance from Allah (SWT) asking him to make thing easier for you if it’s meant to be or guide you to what is best for you. You just pray 2 rakat like for Fajr & then a Dua at the end, you can find it on Google.

We may now what we want and think that’s best for us from the limited knowledge we have about the future. But Allah (SWT) knows the unseen, He knows what harm that thing could bring to us or even what happiness something that we don’t think we need right now can bring us. He is the best of planners, He loves us more than our own mother, SubhanAllah
Thanks for the reply. You sound like a true pious muslim mashallah. My boyfriend is not the most supportive but he is okay. I don't really see it going anywhere in terms of marriage. Both our parents don't know of our dating. My parents would never agree to marriage. I doubt his parents support it too.

Would I really be committing a major sin? Will allah punish me? Is boyfriend that haram? Especially with my sickness?
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zz2002
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(Original post by muslim female)
Thanks for the reply. You sound like a true pious muslim mashallah. My boyfriend is not the most supportive but he is okay. I don't really see it going anywhere in terms of marriage. Both our parents don't know of our dating. My parents would never agree to marriage. I doubt his parents support it too.

Would I really be committing a major sin? Will allah punish me? Is boyfriend that haram? Especially with my sickness?
Haha thank you, I have my flaws too so I’m not the best, but I’m trying to improve. You should like a lovely person and I saw you replied to my thread about Muslim friends so once your messages work we can maybe become friends In Shaa Allah

I’ll be honest I think it’s something to let go off especially since you’re aware it won’t go ahead. You will committing a sin doesn’t matter whether it’s major or minor. And haram things only lead hurt for us so it’s best to protect yourself right now. And i understand you said you feel more depressed & lonely without him, but keeping in your life will lead to even more harm for you. Allah (SWT) isn’t going anywhere, He is always there for you. If you take 1 step towards Him, He takes 10 towards you. If you walk towards He’ll run towards you. No Dua is ever left unanswered, you either get it right there and then or maybe not yet because it’s the right time or maybe it’s what you think is best for you, but Allah (SWT) has way better plans for you. Place your trust in Him and everything will be perfect. I don’t know if you already pray or not, but I definitely suggest begin praying, you praying is what will bring you closer to Allah (SWT). And i understand your sickness, but that still doesn’t justify the haram. This is your test from Allah (SWT). He tests those He loves to bring them closer to Him so that you return back to Him, he wants to see you in Jannah.
Our Prophet Muhammad ﷺ father died before he was even born, his mother died when he was 6 years old. And he buried 6 out of his 7 children in his lifetime
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Haha thank you, I have my flaws too so I’m not the best, but I’m trying to improve. You should like a lovely person and I saw you replied to my thread about Muslim friends so once your messages work we can maybe become friends In Shaa Allah

I’ll be honest I think it’s something to let go off especially since you’re aware it won’t go ahead. You will committing a sin doesn’t matter whether it’s major or minor. And haram things only lead hurt for us so it’s best to protect yourself right now. And i understand you said you feel more depressed & lonely without him, but keeping in your life will lead to even more harm for you. Allah (SWT) isn’t going anywhere, He is always there for you. If you take 1 step towards Him, He takes 10 towards you. If you walk towards He’ll run towards you. No Dua is ever left unanswered, you either get it right there and then or maybe not yet because it’s the right time or maybe it’s what you think is best for you, but Allah (SWT) has way better plans for you. Place your trust in Him and everything will be perfect. I don’t know if you already pray or not, but I definitely suggest begin praying, you praying is what will bring you closer to Allah (SWT). And i understand your sickness, but that still doesn’t justify the haram. This is your test from Allah (SWT). He tests those He loves to bring them closer to Him so that you return back to Him, he wants to see you in Jannah.
Our Prophet Muhammad ﷺ father died before he was even born, his mother died when he was 6 years old. And he buried 6 out of his 7 children in his lifetime
Thank you, mashallah you sound pious and mashallah your imaan seems strong. Did you study at madrasa ? You have a lot of islamic knowledge. How old are you, sister? Are you at university or college?

alhamdulilah I try to pray 5 times but sometimes I end up doing 2 or 3. I try my hardest but with my sickness many things are hard. I am busy with my university studies as well as exercising and looking after my health.
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muslim female
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Yeah some are romantic and others are sexual.
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zz2002
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(Original post by muslim female)
Thank you, mashallah you sound pious and mashallah your imaan seems strong. Did you study at madrasa ? You have a lot of islamic knowledge. How old are you, sister? Are you at university or college?

alhamdulilah I try to pray 5 times but sometimes I end up doing 2 or 3. I try my hardest but with my sickness many things are hard. I am busy with my university studies as well as exercising and looking after my health.
You’re most welcome, feel free to message me if you have any worries and ahah I have my ups and downs in my Imaan just like everyone else. And over the past 2.5 years I’ve just been more interested in learning about Islam so I gather more knowledge here and then so no I don’t study at a madrasa lol. I’m 18 currently on a gap year, uni in September In Shaa Allah. Did you see my reply on the other thread about Muslim friends?

And MashAllah that’s good, it’s not about being perfect, it’s about being consistent. We all have our ups & downs, but it’s about getting back up and rebuilding that connection with Allah (SWT). But again I highly suggest you to let go of that relationship because it will bring you nothing, but more harm. If it’s meant to be, it will be. Allah (SWT) is the best of planners and he’s planned your life in the best way possible
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muslim female
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(Original post by zz2002)
You’re most welcome, feel free to message me if you have any worries and ahah I have my ups and downs in my Imaan just like everyone else. And over the past 2.5 years I’ve just been more interested in learning about Islam so I gather more knowledge here and then so no I don’t study at a madrasa lol. I’m 18 currently on a gap year, uni in September In Shaa Allah. Did you see my reply on the other thread about Muslim friends?

And MashAllah that’s good, it’s not about being perfect, it’s about being consistent. We all have our ups & downs, but it’s about getting back up and rebuilding that connection with Allah (SWT). But again I highly suggest you to let go of that relationship because it will bring you nothing, but more harm. If it’s meant to be, it will be. Allah (SWT) is the best of planners and he’s planned your life in the best way possible
: ) Mashallah and thanks a lot for your good words and advice
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I have no choice though I am suffering from tiredness, bipolar and anxiety. My parents pay for my medication from the GP. It is impossible to get married and find someone willing to tolerate me.

With my boyfriend, we don't live in the same house. We only meet up once a week (sometimes less because of lockdown) and chat and message online. So having a boyfriend is easy. But having a husband is another story. You need to be responsible, healthy, cook and clean. All of which I cannot do. I am on Ritalin (for oversleeping and attention disorder), fluoxetine and sertraline and other meds too.


We have held hands and kissed. We haven't had sex but I feel with our attraction it will be inevitable.
Best to break up. Allah says not to come close to zina too. Kissing can lead to other things and you could end up sinning. If you aren't capable of a husband, there's no need for you to be in a relationship at all.
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(Original post by sufys12)
Best to break up. Allah says not to come close to zina too. Kissing can lead to other things and you could end up sinning. If you aren't capable of a husband, there's no need for you to be in a relationship at all.
I still have sexual desires though, they don't just disappear. I don't have the libido of a man but I am not asexual.
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(Original post by muslim female)
I am a 20 year old muslim female and a first year university student. I am somewhat practicing. I also suffer from mental conditions like bipolar and anxiety. I want to ask something. I asked on islamic forum on reddit and ummah.com but their answers were too vague and unhelpful so I decided to ask on here .

I have been seeing my boyfriend for a few months, we met on an online dating app. We are both muslim. He is very attractive. Is it haram for me to have a boyfriend or lose virginity? Don't tell me that in islam you get married because I can't I have mental conditions and I don't want kids, marriage and to cook all day. Any advice will be helpful. Thank you.
hi sis, sexual relationships before marriage are haram so i think breaking off the relationship or getting married are your two options. ik its hard and it will hurt if u break up but put ur trust in Allah swt that he will guide u n he has planned ur life the best way,, all his guidance n rules are there for a reason, remember he can see ur future so maybe this break up will prevent something worse from happening. I recommend just putting ur faith in allah and trying ur best to pray as much as possible because ur best is more than enough xx inshallah everythin goes well,, try not to stress yourself too much as everythn happens for a reason
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I still have sexual desires though, they don't just disappear. I don't have the libido of a man but I am not asexual.
Yes, the whole point of Islam's rulings is that if you feel sexual desire, fast (beause that decreases sexual desire and it's Ramadan anyway) or get married.
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(Original post by muslim female)
I am a 20 year old muslim female and a first year university student. I am somewhat practicing. I also suffer from mental conditions like bipolar and anxiety. I want to ask something. I asked on islamic forum on reddit and ummah.com but their answers were too vague and unhelpful so I decided to ask on here .

I have been seeing my boyfriend for a few months, we met on an online dating app. We are both muslim. He is very attractive. Is it haram for me to have a boyfriend or lose virginity? Don't tell me that in islam you get married because I can't I have mental conditions and I don't want kids, marriage and to cook all day. Any advice will be helpful. Thank you.
auzoobillah min al shaytan al rajeem
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(Original post by muslim female)
I still have sexual desires though, they don't just disappear. I don't have the libido of a man but I am not asexual.
auzoobillah astagfirullah al azeem what is this generation coming to . sex outside marriage auzoobillah
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