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I feel like I have lost my self respect

I have done a terrible mistake of begging him to stay when he wants to break up and stay friends. I was blowing up his phone and texting him non stop begging for a second chance. I feel like I made a fool out of myself as I went to his place yesterday to beg him and to ask for a last chance. The reason for our breakup is that I have trust issues, he got angry when I confronted why he follow random girls on Instagram, if he doesnt know them. I also discovered last time that he was following very explicit account of girls and when I told him that I was unhappy he deleted them so things were fine till he started following that random account. I also found out that account belonged to some sort of online sexual service provider something like that and it's a fake account too! I felt so hurt yesterday as I went his house and begged him and he told me to leave as he wanted to sleep and I'm pissing him more. I did the most stupidest things ever, I grabbed his leg and begged him. I never ever did that before and not sure what got to me, I was in pieces and my emotions got better. He later felt kinda bad and said he would give me a chance if he feels ready but for now he said he needs to get over what happened. I feel sad as I begged him like that and he didn't forgive me. For now, I won't contact him again and I do need time for myself too. How do I recover from this as I feel so embarrassed with how I got emotional I got. Before everything happened, he was the best that I had and treated me so well and loved me a lot. Its just that his social media activity make me have doubts.
Original post by Anonymous
I have done a terrible mistake of begging him to stay when he wants to break up and stay friends. I was blowing up his phone and texting him non stop begging for a second chance. I feel like I made a fool out of myself as I went to his place yesterday to beg him and to ask for a last chance. The reason for our breakup is that I have trust issues, he got angry when I confronted why he follow random girls on Instagram, if he doesnt know them. I also discovered last time that he was following very explicit account of girls and when I told him that I was unhappy he deleted them so things were fine till he started following that random account. I also found out that account belonged to some sort of online sexual service provider something like that and it's a fake account too! I felt so hurt yesterday as I went his house and begged him and he told me to leave as he wanted to sleep and I'm pissing him more. I did the most stupidest things ever, I grabbed his leg and begged him. I never ever did that before and not sure what got to me, I was in pieces and my emotions got better. He later felt kinda bad and said he would give me a chance if he feels ready but for now he said he needs to get over what happened. I feel sad as I begged him like that and he didn't forgive me. For now, I won't contact him again and I do need time for myself too. How do I recover from this as I feel so embarrassed with how I got emotional I got. Before everything happened, he was the best that I had and treated me so well and loved me a lot. Its just that his social media activity make me have doubts.

This sounds like a difficult situation. It does sound like you both need time out. I'd say if you've had a good relationship then perhaps it might start up again; on the other hand, your concerns and feelings are just as valid as his, and if he's into a habit of ignoring yours then you might want to think about whether or not this relationship is the best for you.
Definitely give it space. You've both got to figure out where you wanna go and you'll both need time for that to happen. I'd wait a while before getting into any new relationships too, although ofc if something happens and it feels right then you're at liberty to pursue it. As a general rule of thumb, give it about half as long as you dated before bouncing back. That's not absolute though, you may feel it's better to wait for a longer or shorter period, just don't rush it.
Original post by Anonymous
I have done a terrible mistake of begging him to stay when he wants to break up and stay friends. I was blowing up his phone and texting him non stop begging for a second chance. I feel like I made a fool out of myself as I went to his place yesterday to beg him and to ask for a last chance. The reason for our breakup is that I have trust issues, he got angry when I confronted why he follow random girls on Instagram, if he doesnt know them. I also discovered last time that he was following very explicit account of girls and when I told him that I was unhappy he deleted them so things were fine till he started following that random account. I also found out that account belonged to some sort of online sexual service provider something like that and it's a fake account too! I felt so hurt yesterday as I went his house and begged him and he told me to leave as he wanted to sleep and I'm pissing him more. I did the most stupidest things ever, I grabbed his leg and begged him. I never ever did that before and not sure what got to me, I was in pieces and my emotions got better. He later felt kinda bad and said he would give me a chance if he feels ready but for now he said he needs to get over what happened. I feel sad as I begged him like that and he didn't forgive me. For now, I won't contact him again and I do need time for myself too. How do I recover from this as I feel so embarrassed with how I got emotional I got. Before everything happened, he was the best that I had and treated me so well and loved me a lot. Its just that his social media activity make me have doubts.


I don't know how old you are but it's easy for emotionally fragile young people to cloy for acceptance-I've been there myself and it's really unpleasant and self-destructive. My advice is to stop clinging onto people and see that everyone is different and will work in different ways, if they don't want you in their life then move on and find someone new. I feel you may reflect on this time in the next 5-10 years and feel quite humorous or strange about it because by that point you would've matured to an extent where you can handle your affairs with a strong mind. Again I don't know your age but I assume you are in your late teens/early twenties and if so the behaviour you've exhibited isn't unusual but do learn and get stronger from this.
Also if your expectations are too high I think you should lower them considerably because I think that's what might be making you feel the way that you're feeling. If you expected your bf to take you back then you're making yourself susceptible to disappointment. I don't know how he'd react to your desperate begging but I think men generally wouldn't want their girlfriends to be so protective and skeptical of them-that's not what love should be, love is about embracing each other not trying to bat off other women from trying to take him from you. You need more confidence and self-assurance so something like this doesn't happen again to you.
Reply 5
Avatar for Foxehh
Foxehh
21
Not talking about him like he's still your boyfriend would be a good start.
In the future dont confront your partner about the issue, pointing fingers and making leaping accusations doesnt go well when you havent even asked them about it before. You should be able to talk about it like an adult.

Take some time away from dating and focus on yourself. Controlling your reaction to your emotions and not acting on impulse both take self control. You've already taken the first step by recognizing your behavior was over the top.
(edited 2 years ago)
Reply 6
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Thank you everyone for your advice. I will take it on board for sure. Just an update, he called me this morning and the first thing he said to me why did i turn up to his house like that as he was tired after work and wanted to sleep. I felt like he was telling me off for going to his house uninvited and sounded very pissed off with what I did. He then asked me how I am and stuff and what's new. I felt bad again as I thought he would feel kinda sorry for me a i begged him on the knees and all that stuff. I'm starting to think that he might be not as kind as I thought he was and hold a grudge. If it was him doing the begging I would forgive him but then again he is different. When I came back home that day we talked on the phone and he told me off for going to see him so not sure why he needed to put me dowm like that. He was asking things like we let me in as he lives in shared flat and so on and I had to apologise again for that. I actually feel so little with all this situation and feel so bad. I nearly broke down on the phone when he said all those things and wondered if he really loves me.
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you everyone for your advice. I will take it on board for sure. Just an update, he called me this morning and the first thing he said to me why did i turn up to his house like that as he was tired after work and wanted to sleep. I felt like he was telling me off for going to his house uninvited and sounded very pissed off with what I did. He then asked me how I am and stuff and what's new. I felt bad again as I thought he would feel kinda sorry for me a i begged him on the knees and all that stuff. I'm starting to think that he might be not as kind as I thought he was and hold a grudge. If it was him doing the begging I would forgive him but then again he is different. When I came back home that day we talked on the phone and he told me off for going to see him so not sure why he needed to put me dowm like that. He was asking things like we let me in as he lives in shared flat and so on and I had to apologise again for that. I actually feel so little with all this situation and feel so bad. I nearly broke down on the phone when he said all those things and wondered if he really loves me.

You need to prepare yourself for the answer to that question being no. He told you that he didn't want to be in a relationship with you and now he's being vindictive towards you. The truth might just be that he isn't worth your time or your tears. You'll realise that the way you see him in your head now is so much better than he really is.
he loves that you're giving him this attention. So please, please, stop giving it to him. Put yourself first and distance yourself.

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