anxiety damaging relationships

Hey! I've been dealing with anxiety issues my whole life and have gone through a lot of different forms of therapy so hopefully I can give you some advice. First of all, you should definitely make an appointment with your GP and talk to them about it. If anxiety issues are affecting your relationships that's easily ground for therapy on the NHS, and I really think having someone guide you through this will help you a lot.

It's really great that you're using systematic desensitisation (I did A-level psychology too lol and I think that's what it's called?) and that's generally a good way of helping with any form of anxiety. I think it might also be good to look into WHY it makes you so anxious, whether it's because you're worried you'll get sick, or if it's for some other reason like wanting to have control over things because you dislike uncertainty. For me, a big part of dealing with my issues was accepting that life is full of uncertainty and you can't actually change that (I'm still working on it), and realising that worrying about things doesn't change anything either.

Overall though my biggest piece of advice would be to talk to your GP, or see if you can get private therapy. If I'm honest, mental health issues are pretty hard to work through on your own. Even talking to a friend about it can help. You could also look online to see if other people have gone through a similar thing, and see what they did about it.

Hope that helps slightly and it's great that you're aware of your problem and trying to get help with it. Best of luck!

thank you!

yep it’s systematic desensitization you’re correct!

i’ve always wanted to go to the GP regarding my mental health but i’m scared theyll tell my parents or my family will clock on. I feel like i have so many issues, too many but they aren’t very obvious and they come and go. I feel like i’m making it up half the time.
Idek anymore, i think i’ll just hang on till i’m 18 and then try go to the GP or if i’m able to get private help since my parents won’t question if i’m out a lot at that age since University and stuff.

I think me wanting control over everything is a major part of it and idk why. I had been molested as a child but I never felt affected by it or bothered but perhaps it’s caused some sort of effect on my subconsience eventho i don’t even care about that whole event (i mean me not caring probably indicates somethings wrong).

thank you for the advice tho, it makes me feel less like a freak lol. I’ve been trying to be a therapist to myself but there’s no shame in asking for help.

It's only natural that your issues come and go, that's true for everyone with mental health issues. I really want to encourage you to speak to your GP, you can even talk to them about how you're worried about your family finding out and they can help you with that as there are a lot of different forms of therapy you're likely to be offered. I went through the whole system pretty much and have gone to group therapy, online therapy, in person CBT, over the phone CBT. Some things will be more helpful than others but it's definitely worth trying out. Also, mental health services for under 18s are so much better than for over 18s, they're much better funded and you're much more likely to get help quicker, especially as waiting lists can be long.

I think it's likely that a traumatic experience like you had does affect your mental health, and I also think a big part of getting better is really understanding why you do things. I also think it's hard to work this out on your own, and you kind of need someone else to take you outside of your own head and your own thinking.

I'd also look at whether you do need to worry about your family finding out. Obviously I don't know your situation so if you could be at risk from your family finding out then I understand the worry, but otherwise they might be fine with it or encourage it? Also, GP appointments are completely confidential unless you're at serious risk of hurting yourself or others (like, serious risk).

I would say just trust yourself to do what you think is best for you, and there's no harm in going to the GP even if you decide after that you don't want what they've offered.

yeah i guess so. some people claim that the NHS take ages to get back to you and give you a therapy appointment, is this true in your case? I live in east london and ive heard of the postcode lottery with the NHS and how some areas are more likely to receive treatment quicker than others so i wonder if thats the case in my area. Long waiting times does put me off bc then by the time i get an appointment, my problem wont feel like one then a few months later it'll cause a problem.

Well my parents (i say parents, i've only spoken to my mum about this) doesnt believe in all this stress mental health stuff, she just tells me to pray sigh. When i broke down at my lowest a few years ago begging her to let me get help, she just said pray and she just doesnt believe i can have stress since im not married, i have no kids etc etc. she says i make life harder than it needs to be lol.
My siblings probably would be shocked if i got therapy and would tread lightly around me. I have the reputation in my family for being 'careless' and 'too laid back/cold blooded' so if they find out i've been struggling, i just dont feel comfortable with them knowing that i struggle or anything. We're not close like that. Friend wise, idk i feel like ive 'outgrown' the stage of telling my freinds about my feelings, i feel like we're all stressed and everyone has their own issues to deal with so no point speaking about something i dont even understand or im not 100% certian about myself anyways. I do tell my online friend sometimes but shes got it bad rn so i dont want to bring negative energy. I just need to speak to a stranger thats certified in this that has no ties with my school or family or anyone i know, i just want to get help alone and keep it private.

It's true that the waiting list can take a while, but there's no harm joining the list anyway. If your problems go away by the time you're offered it then you can just tell them, they won't care at all and they'll just go to the next person on the list. If your problems change by then then that's totally fine too, every time I've had a therapist they haven't known anything about the problem beforehand - they're trained to deal with everything really so it will still be helpful.

Speaking from my own experience, I was given CBT pretty quickly in my early teens when I was dealing with social anxiety, that was through CAMHS which is what you get if you're under 18. CBT is the most helpful thing to get (along with just regular counselling which can be useful too but it's usually shorter treatment, like 6 sessions compared to CBT which is like 12+ sessions and is more for deep seated issues) and you're more likely to get it under CAMHS than the adult mental health services I think. Through the adult mental health services I had this online mental health therapy course thing called silvercloud which wasn't super helpful to me, but when I'd been through that and it didn't work I eventually got CBT again (this is more recently). I reckon it might be slightly easier to get CBT now anyway as therapists can do it over the phone, so that might be useful to you if you're worried about your family finding out bc you'd just need to find somewhere to have a private phone call for an hour. I think it does vary by postcodes, but that might've changed now therapists can do it remotely, and you'll go through the system quicker as you're under 18.

I'm really sorry to hear about the situation with your mum. As you're doing a psych A-level, I'm sure you know what she's saying isn't true. Also, even if you were making life harder for yourself, that's kind of what a mental health issue is, like no one does that deliberately and that's why people need therapy.

I'd say the best thing to do in your situation is to make a GP appointment, and come up with a plan for what you'll say if anyone asks where you're going. Then you can explain the whole situation to your GP, and see what they say. You only need to go to the GP once to be put on the list anyway, and you can make it clear you don't want them to tell your family and it might be useful to explain why so that they can give you advice.

My advice for if you talk to your GP is don't downplay it, think about what you think/feel/do at your worst and explain that to them, or otherwise they might just be like speak to your school counsellor (which could be an option? but would be worth getting on the waiting list anyway in case it gets worse). Everyone thinks their problems aren't bad enough for therapy, and it doesn't do anyone any favours seriously. The world would be so much better if everyone could get therapy imo. Sorry for the super long answer! I just know a lot of people who really could do with therapy and they don't bother for whatever reason, so I'm pretty passionate about this. My mental health got really bad last year and I was honestly so lucky that I had put myself on the waiting list long enough beforehand to get therapy when I really needed it.

thank you! this means a lot to me i swear!! it has kinda given me the push to get help. I think i will maybe make an appointment but idk when it’ll be for. I like speaking to a female doctor too as i’m more comfortable but yeah. I hope nobody’s at home or i’m outside when they call since GP appointments are still online.
Oh gosh i’m scared but it’ll be fineeeee i hope