Being black (Somali), gay and Muslim

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Anonymous #1
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I have recently been feeling emotional due to several reasons but they all lead back to my sexuality. I have recently seen the announcement of elite season 4 and saw some other clips of Omar and Andre and I related so much with Omar and I started to think about my future and if I will ever be happy or how I will tell my family even though they are not supportive and they have emotionally and physically abused me but also neglected me and my feelings. But being who I am I still want my family to love me ( which will never happen because they love control so much but that’s another story for another time). I have come out to my close friends as gay and they have been supportive a lot but unfortunately not to my family who are super homophobic. Luckily for me I am moving out on September to attend university of Manchester or Exeter to study law and plan to cut ties with my family when I am stable and get a corporate job which I will be when I am 22-23 year's old. What I wanted to ask you guys is so do you believe you can be Muslim and gay? And should I never come out in the future and stay as being the miserable person I am now?
Also I am currently 17 and in the London
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daan.m
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Sorry I'm confused... u still want your family to love you, but you plan to cut ties with them when ur 22-23??
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I have recently been feeling emotional due to several reasons but they all lead back to my sexuality. I have recently seen the announcement of elite season 4 and saw some other clips of Omar and Andre and I related so much with Omar and I started to think about my future and if I will ever be happy or how I will tell my family even though they are not supportive and they have emotionally and physically abused me but also neglected me and my feelings. But being who I am I still want my family to love me ( which will never happen because they love control so much but that’s another story for another time). I have come out to my close friends as gay and they have been supportive a lot but unfortunately not to my family who are super homophobic. Luckily for me I am moving out on September to attend university of Manchester or Exeter to study law and plan to cut ties with my family when I am stable and get a corporate job which I will be when I am 22-23 year's old. What I wanted to ask you guys is so do you believe you can be Muslim and gay? And should I never come out in the future and stay as being the miserable person I am now?
Also I am currently 17 and in the London
bro theres nothing wrong with being muslim and gay. im sorry that you are going through all this.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by daan.m)
Sorry I'm confused... u still want your family to love you, but you plan to cut ties with them when ur 22-23??
Sorry, I forgot to add a point in there. If my family doesn't support me then I have no other option but to cut them off. But I love my younger siblings way too much for me to do that now or even in the future. Psa I have no love towards my parents because of the way they have treated me in the past
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Anonymous #3
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It only becomes haraam if you act upon your feelings.
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Kerzen
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I think that things will be better for you in the future than you are imagining at the moment.

I see that Manchester and Exeter both have flourishing LGBT+ Societies:

https://www.facebook.com/UoMLGBTQSociety/

https://www.exeterguild.org/societies/pridesoc/
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TasteLikeChicken
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I think that you shouldn't worry too much just yet. The fact that you got a way out (at two fantastic unis by the way- well done!) is huge. You can be yourself when you're at uni, so the immediate danger of family won't be present. Come out when you're ready, but do note that student finance (anything above the base loan, I mean) is dependent on parental income (and them agreeing to sign your papers) so it may be better to come out after? Unless, of course, you can finance yourself at uni with just the base student loan and working/savings.
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Kerzen
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Don't forget that Childline are available to you, if you would like to speak to someone.

https://www.childline.org.uk/get-support/
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Kerzen)
I think that things will be better for you in the future than you are imagining at the moment.

I see that Manchester and Exeter both have flourishing LGBT+ Societies:

https://www.facebook.com/UoMLGBTQSociety/

https://www.exeterguild.org/societies/pridesoc/
Thank you very much for the links. You don't know how much this means to me
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Qxi.xli
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I'm not Muslim, but being gay is part of your identity and is something you can't change. If a certain religion doesn't allow you to be yourself, then perhaps you should consider re-aligning your beliefs. You've got to own it and be proud of it. It's you and that's something you can't change.

Hope you feel better.
Last edited by Qxi.xli; 2 months ago
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Anonymous #4
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I don't understand why you'd want to keep practising a religion that is inherently homophobic and opressive. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being gay, there's a lot wrong with the way Islam forbids and demonizes being gay.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by TasteLikeChicken)
I think that you shouldn't worry too much just yet. The fact that you got a way out (at two fantastic unis by the way- well done!) is huge. You can be yourself when you're at uni, so the immediate danger of family won't be present. Come out when you're ready, but do note that student finance (anything above the base loan, I mean) is dependent on parental income (and them agreeing to sign your papers) so it may be better to come out after? Unless, of course, you can finance yourself at uni with just the base student loan and working/savings.
Thank you for the kind words but I have already done student finance and got a letter confirming how much I will get yearly which is the max by the way and hopefully getting an extra £2k from Manchester if I get the grades
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I don't understand why you'd want to keep practising a religion that is inherently homophobic and opressive. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being gay, there's a lot wrong with the way Islam forbids and demonizes being gay.
That also goes towards Christianity and you are forgetting there are different sects of Islam.
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TasteLikeChicken
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you for the kind words but I have already done student finance and got a letter confirming how much I will get yearly which is the max by the way and hopefully getting an extra £2k from Manchester if I get the grades
Ah yeah, but, unless it's changed from when I went, you have to apply each year. That extra 2 grand is great!
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Anonymous #5
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you very much for the links. You don't know how much this means to me
do you thing. People even parents will come around. They might cut you off and give you a hard time but they ll eventually calm down and thats what generally happens . I dont know there is anything haraam about being gay -they alway bring gays into this and there is no religious decree that says you are not fine to be who you are. People misinterpret religion from my point of view.
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Anonymous #6
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I have recently been feeling emotional due to several reasons but they all lead back to my sexuality. I have recently seen the announcement of elite season 4 and saw some other clips of Omar and Andre and I related so much with Omar and I started to think about my future and if I will ever be happy or how I will tell my family even though they are not supportive and they have emotionally and physically abused me but also neglected me and my feelings. But being who I am I still want my family to love me ( which will never happen because they love control so much but that’s another story for another time). I have come out to my close friends as gay and they have been supportive a lot but unfortunately not to my family who are super homophobic. Luckily for me I am moving out on September to attend university of Manchester or Exeter to study law and plan to cut ties with my family when I am stable and get a corporate job which I will be when I am 22-23 year's old. What I wanted to ask you guys is so do you believe you can be Muslim and gay? And should I never come out in the future and stay as being the miserable person I am now?
Also I am currently 17 and in the London
of course there are gay Muslims, whether its feelings from the heart of lust and whatnot is debated a lot but it doesn't matter, Islam advises to keep those feelings and thoughts to yourself and not act upon them, thoughts and feelings aren't sins Allah doesn't sin you for them unless you act upon them, if you don't act upon them you are rewarded by Allah for avoiding acting on them. In islam relationship outside marriage is prohibited so a gay relationship or a straight relationship are both haram outside marriage. Marriage in islam is only allowed through woman and man, some Muslims believe they must get married to procreate, and they believe love is found through the obstacles and hardships married couples face and overcome together.

i hope you can mend your family relationship and become a happier person, may Allah give you strength and happiness
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Justaboutalive
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(Original post by Anonymous)
of course there are gay Muslims, whether its feelings from the heart of lust and whatnot is debated a lot but it doesn't matter, Islam advises to keep those feelings and thoughts to yourself and not act upon them, thoughts and feelings aren't sins Allah doesn't sin you for them unless you act upon them, if you don't act upon them you are rewarded by Allah for avoiding acting on them. In islam relationship outside marriage is prohibited so a gay relationship or a straight relationship are both haram outside marriage. Marriage in islam is only allowed through woman and man, some Muslims believe they must get married to procreate, and they believe love is found through the obstacles and hardships married couples face and overcome together.

i hope you can mend your family relationship and become a happier person, may Allah give you strength and happiness
PRSOM
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
of course there are gay Muslims, whether its feelings from the heart of lust and whatnot is debated a lot but it doesn't matter, Islam advises to keep those feelings and thoughts to yourself and not act upon them, thoughts and feelings aren't sins Allah doesn't sin you for them unless you act upon them, if you don't act upon them you are rewarded by Allah for avoiding acting on them. In islam relationship outside marriage is prohibited so a gay relationship or a straight relationship are both haram outside marriage. Marriage in islam is only allowed through woman and man, some Muslims believe they must get married to procreate, and they believe love is found through the obstacles and hardships married couples face and overcome together.

i hope you can mend your family relationship and become a happier person, may Allah give you strength and happiness
^^^^ Yesss
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Cıllıan
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I have recently been feeling emotional due to several reasons but they all lead back to my sexuality. I have recently seen the announcement of elite season 4 and saw some other clips of Omar and Andre and I related so much with Omar and I started to think about my future and if I will ever be happy or how I will tell my family even though they are not supportive and they have emotionally and physically abused me but also neglected me and my feelings. But being who I am I still want my family to love me ( which will never happen because they love control so much but that’s another story for another time). I have come out to my close friends as gay and they have been supportive a lot but unfortunately not to my family who are super homophobic. Luckily for me I am moving out on September to attend university of Manchester or Exeter to study law and plan to cut ties with my family when I am stable and get a corporate job which I will be when I am 22-23 year's old. What I wanted to ask you guys is so do you believe you can be Muslim and gay? And should I never come out in the future and stay as being the miserable person I am now?
Also I am currently 17 and in the London

Yes technically you can be Muslim and gay in the sense of having thoughts of attraction towards men, but to be Muslim you have to accept the fact that it's still a major sin to act upon it (same with any form of adultery/fornication before the snowflakes start crying "homophobic").
Traditionalist Somalis are very homophobic so I understand your pain, but this doesn't mean you can't keep a good relationship with your family. You just have to make them understand you can't change and are trying your best to keep the bond between you.

Also type "Somali roadman" in Google and you'll be in for a shock. Make sure to use VPN if your WiFi has restrictions lol
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iaezfj300
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Hey, I'm not Muslim or gay, but I am a bisexual, mixed-race girl with a Hindu mum and Hindu maternal family. I haven't come out to my family, either, because I'm scared of the rejection I'd likely experience so I can kind of relate to what you mean. Basically, you're not alone in your situation and even though those words don't make up for what you're going through, I hope they provide a bit of comfort. Anyway, congratulations on your university offers! I hope one day you can get to a place where you're family accept you for who you are
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