Advice asap! Bf and babymother
Boyfriend has 2 children with 2 different women one is 7 one is 5. He co parents well with the youngest mother to the point they still both continue paying rent their house. The house is outside london in Manchester where his family live and where he use to live for 9 years. Anyways he use to go down for the weekend every 2 weeks. Now they’re coming to London ( to his house , his mother the babymother and the children) Apprently of what he’s told me her new boyfriend lives in london so it’s convenient for her to come to London anyways. His mother and her get along obviously too. ( his mother is about 75).
Should I feel a type of way that she is in his house that I’m in majority everyday. He even says this is my home too. Because I spend so many nights there etc. And they’re probably all playing happy families. It’s clearly important to see your mum and dad together around a child right? But I just feel like it’s very much family coupley if that makes sense. the babymum is very attached to her child and always wants to be around the child even when he has the child for the weekend. He tells me that sometimes she stays over someone ( he thinks ) the bf house when she comes down. But I don’t ask him often so I won’t know if it’s true. Also he would say he’s putting them to sleep around 8/9 and he’ll call back but he doesn’t till like 1/2. In my mind I’m thinking she’s there and after they put children to sleep they chill?
I’ve met his mum once but not introduced as a girlfriend because the mum said she doesn’t waNt to meet anyone until he’s ready to marry the person which is fair. But the mum said she knows that is his girlfriend. Anyways before they come over he clears out every sign that a girl has been there. And when I leave before they come for example he will ask me if it’s ok to leave at 3 because they will all be arriving at 4. Then as soon as they leave he asks me to come over. But I just feel like I understand he doesn’t waNt to tell his mum until he wants to marry but I feel like he’s pushing it too much of like I’m a secret and it’s not really a nice feeling. Also he doesn’t want his babymother to know he’s got a girlfriend too. I don’t think he’ll pick up my calls infront of her because I don’t even call him unless he calls me anyways when he’s with his children bevause I don’t want to disturb his time with his children. He knows she has a bf because someone told him and he asked her and she said yeah.
I just feel like he has this entire other life which is fine with children but the babymum always has to be there and to me that’s so family type things.
I have told him I’ll never be serious as in settle down until there isn’t this type of attachment and he said there’s no attachment she is just attached to her child!
CAN I GET ADVICE PLEASE? Should I be feeling this way? Am I being too dramatic? What should I say to him( pls no one say this is why I shouldn’t be with babydads because I am with one )
Should I feel a type of way that she is in his house that I’m in majority everyday. He even says this is my home too. Because I spend so many nights there etc. And they’re probably all playing happy families. It’s clearly important to see your mum and dad together around a child right? But I just feel like it’s very much family coupley if that makes sense. the babymum is very attached to her child and always wants to be around the child even when he has the child for the weekend. He tells me that sometimes she stays over someone ( he thinks ) the bf house when she comes down. But I don’t ask him often so I won’t know if it’s true. Also he would say he’s putting them to sleep around 8/9 and he’ll call back but he doesn’t till like 1/2. In my mind I’m thinking she’s there and after they put children to sleep they chill?
I’ve met his mum once but not introduced as a girlfriend because the mum said she doesn’t waNt to meet anyone until he’s ready to marry the person which is fair. But the mum said she knows that is his girlfriend. Anyways before they come over he clears out every sign that a girl has been there. And when I leave before they come for example he will ask me if it’s ok to leave at 3 because they will all be arriving at 4. Then as soon as they leave he asks me to come over. But I just feel like I understand he doesn’t waNt to tell his mum until he wants to marry but I feel like he’s pushing it too much of like I’m a secret and it’s not really a nice feeling. Also he doesn’t want his babymother to know he’s got a girlfriend too. I don’t think he’ll pick up my calls infront of her because I don’t even call him unless he calls me anyways when he’s with his children bevause I don’t want to disturb his time with his children. He knows she has a bf because someone told him and he asked her and she said yeah.
I just feel like he has this entire other life which is fine with children but the babymum always has to be there and to me that’s so family type things.
I have told him I’ll never be serious as in settle down until there isn’t this type of attachment and he said there’s no attachment she is just attached to her child!
CAN I GET ADVICE PLEASE? Should I be feeling this way? Am I being too dramatic? What should I say to him( pls no one say this is why I shouldn’t be with babydads because I am with one )
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FYI. Like I said he has two children two daughters. I’ve met the oldest child which is the one who’s mum he doesn’t co parent well with and she’s never in the picture.
Original post by Anonymous
he said there’s no attachment she is just attached to her child!
this strikes me as pretty reasonable. its good that he (presumably) wants the best for his children and that means working with ex. equally, you can see that he's not trying anything on with the other ex so there's good reason to think his intentions are pure
if it was your house it would be unacceptable but as its his house and they're making it work on a friendly-but-split-up parent basis, i think its not something you should worry about or stick your nose in too much, since you've already said you're not that attached to him
Original post by HoldThisL
this strikes me as pretty reasonable. its good that he (presumably) wants the best for his children and that means working with ex. equally, you can see that he's not trying anything on with the other ex so there's good reason to think his intentions are pure
if it was your house it would be unacceptable but as its his house and they're making it work on a friendly-but-split-up parent basis, i think its not something you should worry about or stick your nose in too much, since you've already said you're not that attached to him
if it was your house it would be unacceptable but as its his house and they're making it work on a friendly-but-split-up parent basis, i think its not something you should worry about or stick your nose in too much, since you've already said you're not that attached to him
I never said I’m not attached to him lol. But yeah I get you. I just feel very like I’m the secret and it just makes me cringe that she might stay there the weekend she’s down with her child and his mother. Sometimes she doesn’t come down but majority time she does.
Original post by HoldThisL
this strikes me as pretty reasonable. its good that he (presumably) wants the best for his children and that means working with ex. equally, you can see that he's not trying anything on with the other ex so there's good reason to think his intentions are pure
if it was your house it would be unacceptable but as its his house and they're making it work on a friendly-but-split-up parent basis, i think its not something you should worry about or stick your nose in too much, since you've already said you're not that attached to him
if it was your house it would be unacceptable but as its his house and they're making it work on a friendly-but-split-up parent basis, i think its not something you should worry about or stick your nose in too much, since you've already said you're not that attached to him
Also he isn’t telling her about me. He has never told her he’s had a girlfriend since they split up as he had one before me also. Because he said it will just cause unnecessary drama. He said she might start acting up once she knows this.
Original post by Anonymous
I never said I’m not attached to him lol. But yeah I get you. I just feel very like I’m the secret and it just makes me cringe that she might stay there the weekend she’s down with her child and his mother. Sometimes she doesn’t come down but majority time she does.
you may have not meant to say that, but you definitely said "I have told him I’ll never be serious as in settle down [followed by a typo that makes the next part nonsensical]"
Original post by Anonymous
Also he isn’t telling her about me. He has never told her he’s had a girlfriend since they split up as he had one before me also. Because he said it will just cause unnecessary drama. He said she might start acting up once she knows this.
there's no reason to tell her because its none of her business and, as much you want her to know you're there, most people like to keep their exes separate. i can see why you feel like a secret to his close family though - how long have you been together?
Original post by HoldThisL
there's no reason to tell her because its none of her business and, as much you want her to know you're there, most people like to keep their exes separate. i can see why you feel like a secret to his close family though - how long have you been together?
Yes. His older sister knows about me I’ve spoke to her briefly on his phone when he was on FaceTime to her I said hey to her. Been together almost a year known eachother briefly 3years. Very briefly he paid interest by I wasn’t interested then as I just newly was single.
Also she’s saved on his phone as ‘the best’. This kinda cringes me and I don’t know if I should ask him to change it andd if he will. When I’ve asked him why is she saved like that he told me because she’s helped him out a lot more than anyone has.
Original post by Anonymous
Also she’s saved on his phone as ‘the best’. This kinda cringes me and I don’t know if I should ask him to change it andd if he will. When I’ve asked him why is she saved like that he told me because she’s helped him out a lot more than anyone has.
probably not the kind of behaviour i'd take from anyone whom i expected to treat me as well as i treat them (because she's not his #1 focus anymore)
(edited 2 years ago)
Original post by HoldThisL
there's no reason to tell her because its none of her business and, as much you want her to know you're there, most people like to keep their exes separate. i can see why you feel like a secret to his close family though - how long have you been together?
Yup I said About the settling down thing as I would not want to be serious like settle down with him until there are clear boundaries with his babymothers. I need them boundaries set before I settle down with his man. I don’t want to marry him or think of it when they are this close. And I think I have this right.
Not saying we aren’t in a committed relationship we are and he’s met my mum and even visited my home country in Algeria. But if we had that convo of moving in or becoming serious to the point of thinking about marraige and children it wouldn’t happen unless she isn’t so much in the picture only for the child’s sake not his and won’t be so attached. ( settling down won’t be anytime soon anyways ). Minimum 3 years more.
Original post by HoldThisL
probably not the kind of behaviour i'd take from anyone whom i expected to treat me as well as i treat them (because she's not his #1 focus anymore)
Yeah. Do you think it’s petty to randomly tell him to change it.
Original post by Anonymous
Yeah. Do you think it’s petty to randomly tell him to change it.
no i'd find it reasonable. but, im not [weird] enough to give anyone i broke up with that kind of space in my life
Original post by HoldThisL
no i'd find it reasonable. but, im not [weird] enough to give anyone i broke up with that kind of space in my life
Ahh yeah I get you.
Original post by TFEU
I don’t think it’s unreasonable and I don’t think you are being too dramatic.
In fact, I find this entire situation to be way too messy, and tbh, I don’t see myself or the majority of my friends tolerating actions like these.
In fact, I find this entire situation to be way too messy, and tbh, I don’t see myself or the majority of my friends tolerating actions like these.
Really? Um, idk what to do lol or what to say
How old are you? Why are you so desperate to get involved with a dysfunctional man and his messy situation?
(edited 2 years ago)
Original post by YaliaV123
How old are you? Why are you so desperate to get involved with a dysfunctional man and his messy situation?
26. I don’t think he’s dysfunctional at all. His family come over and his children because he doesn’t live in the same city as them. I just find the woman’s attachment a lot. And I don’t kno how to approach it without being a b I t c h and without considering the fact that a child is better seeing their mum and dad friends.
I don’t think it’s fair of you to say I’m so desperate. IN NO SHAPE OR FORM AM I. I am in a relationship that is all.
A lot of this is going to come down to "Do you really trust him?". It's a messy situation for sure but it's highly convenient for him with her travelling down to bring the kid to see him. Obviously this situation can't go on indefinately and that;s the conversation you should have with him.
He is blatantly still banging his ex
Original post by JaseyB
A lot of this is going to come down to "Do you really trust him?". It's a messy situation for sure but it's highly convenient for him with her travelling down to bring the kid to see him. Obviously this situation can't go on indefinately and that;s the conversation you should have with him.
I do trust him and I do think that she’s not his type anymore and they broke up because they grew apart. It’s just crazy to me to share a child snd be friends. I’m younger than him with no kids so obviously this will be my mentality.
Yeah how long do you think this is ok to go on for ? I’ve been with him almost a year.
Original post by Anonymous
He is blatantly still banging his ex
Lol thanks 👍🏽
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