Year 12s: what will be the first way you research your future options? >>

English GCSE

Could somebody read through this and give me feedback - I have an English exam tomorrow ( this isn’t finished )

Swoosh! The wind was dancing, it’s Icy fingers gripped my arm in the darkness, sending shivers down my spine. Death lurked in every corner of the forest, there was no signs of light or life.

Mangled, manic, messy roots emerged from the depths of the woods. The trees stood like guards protecting the house and its hidden secretes... It had felt like the trees were watching me.

A shrill cry echoed in the mist, it came from the rotting abandoned house... it seamed a young lady was in destress. As I approached the house the sounds of squeals and screams got louder.

Reply 1

dannynana

Original post by JessicaWw

I am in a lower year and not very experienced with this but it seems alright so far. Was it necessary to spell out that the young lady was in distress. It may have been more powerful to say that "A young lady's shrill cry echoed in the mist". There is a good use of descriptive language and a use of onomatopoeia in the first paragraph. There are a few spelling mistakes in this as well. There is "it's" on line 1 which I think should be its. There is also "secretes" which may have been a misspelling of secrets on line 3 and there are "seamed" and "destress" on line 5. Mostly good so far and keep up the hard work!