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I´ve got the hots for my doc - Don´t judge, just advise

So, I´m 20 and I´ve got a thing for my doctor. I´m now thinking about telling him I want to go to another doctor; because of course any personal contact would be highly illegal if I were to stay his patient.
The thing is, I think he likes me too.
It all started when I was 18/19 and I instantly felt attracted to him. It´s so weird because I was talking about stress with studying etc. and he told me ´I seemed pretty tense atm, or whether this may be due to another reason?´ And then he gave me a cheeky smile haha. And I said, yes, I think it´s because of another reason.
Maybe I blushed, idk how he could tell.
A few years passed; and I went there again, totally neutral; because well, he´s my doctor. I didn´t have any feelings or something, until the last couple of times I went there.
I don´t know whether it´s my imagination but GEEZ, he stares at me with such an intensity and this damn smile. And he always makes small talk with me, jokes, laughs - and then I crushed on him again. I don´t think I imagined this tbh because like I said, I was totally neutral up until I felt like he remembered this one first conversation about being tense.

I don´t know how to proceed. I can´t tell anyone; I wouldn´t jeopardize his career oc, so I´ll change doctors. He´s single and I want nothing more than to get him into bed ASAP

How would I go about that? Tell him, this is my last appointment there; I like your gorgeous hair? XD I need subtle, safe ideas
And NO I don´t want a relationship, just some hot adventure, he´s around 35, so way too old for relationship anyway

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

OP

Like I said, I´ll change doctors ASAP so I won´t be his patient anymore, hence it would be 100 percent legal

Reply 2

GANB

2

Doctors train to empathise with patients. He’s probably a very good doctor. But that may be all.

Reply 3

PhoenixFortune

21

Original post by Anonymous

I don´t know how to proceed. I can´t tell anyone; I wouldn´t jeopardize his career oc, so I´ll change doctors. He´s single and I want nothing more than to get him into bed ASAP

How would I go about that? Tell him, this is my last appointment there; I like your gorgeous hair? XD I need subtle, safe ideas
And NO I don´t want a relationship, just some hot adventure, he´s around 35, so way too old for relationship anyway

1) How do you know he's single?

2) You would be making a pass at him while you were still his patient (and at an appointment no less). So yes, you would still be jeopardising his career.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by PhoenixFortune

1) How do you know he's single?

2) You would be making a pass at him while you were still his patient (and at an appointment no less). So yes, you would still be jeopardising his career.

That´s true, this is why I want advise how to do this without breaking any rules. I could tell him I want to change doctors; and later on, when I´m not a patient anymore, write him an email? But I wouldn´t know what to write.
Oh, I know he´s single because he told me - when we talked about different things - I know quite a lot about him, like where he studied, how long he studied there, what it was like, this and that. It could be only polite conversation; but I´ll be moving to another city soon anyway, and never finding out whether something could have happened would be a thing I´d regret.
Maybe I could subtly tell him, I´ll be moving and that he was a nice doctor? I don´t know

Leave him alone.

Take a cold shower and cool down from the doctor infatuation.
Doctors, teachers, priests and family members are strictly off-limits.
If you are desperate for a hookup or genuinely keen to find a bf, there are plenty of likeminded single guys in the online hookup & dating sea.
But don't embarass or risk the career of a polite professional trying their best to earn a living and provide an efficient friendly service to everyone that they have been allocated.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by GANB

Doctors train to empathise with patients. He’s probably a very good doctor. But that may be all.

Yeah but I´d like to find out whether that´s all - in a totally subtle, appropriate way. I don´t want to tell him: I want to get you into bed. Just maybe telling him I´ll be moving soon, too bad I´ll have to find another doctor, he was really nice...Something that COULD mean I´m interested but isn´t blunt

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by londonmyst

Take a cold shower and cool down from the doctor infatuation.
Doctors, teachers, priests and family members are strictly off-limits.
If you are desperate for a hookup or genuinely keen to find a bf, there are plenty of likeminded single guys in the online hookup & dating sea.
But don't embarass or risk the career of a polite professional trying their best to earn a living and provide an efficient friendly service to everyone that they have been allocated.

I wouldn´t be his patient anymore; and if he´s also interested I don´t see a problem

Reply 9

PhoenixFortune

21

Original post by Anonymous

That´s true, this is why I want advise how to do this without breaking any rules. I could tell him I want to change doctors; and later on, when I´m not a patient anymore, write him an email? But I wouldn´t know what to write.
Oh, I know he´s single because he told me - when we talked about different things - I know quite a lot about him, like where he studied, how long he studied there, what it was like, this and that. It could be only polite conversation; but I´ll be moving to another city soon anyway, and never finding out whether something could have happened would be a thing I´d regret.
Maybe I could subtly tell him, I´ll be moving and that he was a nice doctor? I don´t know

Emailing him (via his professional email address) is still crossing boundaries - his emails are likely monitored by the NHS too.

That's why relationships are impossible with professionals you've met within their professional setting - you didn't met organically at a social gathering in the wider world. It's a misuse of the power dynamic to start a relationship with someone you've been professionally linked to, especially someone in a position of trust.

This is probably a crush (wanting what you can't have), so try to get him out your mind. Nothing good can come from such a situation.

Reply 10

StriderHort

21

Original post by Anonymous

I wouldn´t be his patient anymore

It doesn't work like that. You already have a doctor - patient relationship and you can't just 'decide' not to anymore. He'll understand this even if you don't because he's been trained to.

It honestly sounds like you've just liked his bedside manner and fantasised there's more to it,

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by PhoenixFortune

Emailing him (via his professional email address) is still crossing boundaries - his emails are likely monitored by the NHS too.

That's why relationships are impossible with professionals you've met within their professional setting - you didn't met organically at a social gathering in the wider world. It's a misuse of the power dynamic to start a relationship with someone you've been professionally linked to, especially someone in a position of trust.

This is probably a crush (wanting what you can't have), so try to get him out your mind. Nothing good can come from such a situation.

Well, he gave me his personal email address. And I don´t want a relationship with him; I only look for relationships with guys my age; I´d just like to hook up with him; I´m totally attracted to him. I´ll move soon, I wouldn´t be his patient anymore, he´s single, he GAVE me his personal email address, he told me he´s single, he seems interested - hell, there are far worse things in life than this

Reply 12

londonmyst

19

Original post by Anonymous

I wouldn´t be his patient anymore; and if he´s also interested I don´t see a problem

The GMC may well see a problem and punish the doctor if they firmly disagree with anything he has said or done.
In the event that they do- they have the power to end his medical career or impose harsh sanctions upon him.
If they decide that any of his past/present actions, comments or correspondence demonstrate improper conduct as regards failing to maintain professional boundaries with any of his patients/former patients/their family members.

GMC standards of proper conduct are very high and their ethical guidance warns doctors to demonstrate a lot of caution in all close dealings with patients, their family members and former patients.
https://www.gmc-uk.org/ethical-guidance/ethical-guidance-for-doctors/maintaining-a-professional-boundary-between-you-and-your-patient/maintaining-a-professional-boundary-between-you-and-your-patient

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by londonmyst

The GMC may well see a problem and punish the doctor if they firmly disagree with anything he has said or done.
In the event that they do- they have the power to end his medical career or impose harsh sanctions upon him.
If they decide that any of his past/present actions, comments or correspondence demonstrate improper conduct as regards failing to maintain professional boundaries with any of his patients/former patients/their family members.

GMC standards of proper conduct are very high and their ethical guidance warns doctors to demonstrate a lot of caution in all close dealings with patients, their family members and former patients.
https://www.gmc-uk.org/ethical-guidance/ethical-guidance-for-doctors/maintaining-a-professional-boundary-between-you-and-your-patient/maintaining-a-professional-boundary-between-you-and-your-patient

Well, we wouldn´t exactly dance around in public - if he´s fine with it