Confused and scared about my sexual orientation

A few months ago I had this "sexual awaking," that has since made me question my sexuality more and more. I am a 18 year old female, and for many years of my life I have been attracted to guys. Ps: I have never been in a relationship/kissed a guy. One thing I have noticed throughout my life is that guys were never really attracted to me. I dress and usually act feminine, yet I have always appeared a bit "masculine" to guys (I am sure). I've struggled before with the idea that I wasn't girly enough. I've always disliked how masculinity has been defined in our world, and fueled by that I've always been the type to out do guys whenever I can. Growing up in a family of mostly males, I have always endured mansplanning and a feeling of being treated as though I am not equal. I don't hate all men, yet I have extremely high standards for guys that I feel deep down are unrealistic. Even though I have had high standards for guys, I still had crushes (that I now regret). Now, all of a sudden I am thinking about being with women, flirting with women, and I already have a "type" for masculine women. There are still some guys that I find attractive, yet now I can't see myself being with a guy/flirting with one. I am willing to accept who I am, but when I look back onto my past actions I feel like a fraud. This is making me confused and scared. Mostly, I feel like I don't know enough about being attracted to girls, and I feel like I won't fit in, so I have overwhelmed myself with information in an attempt to understand. This unfortunately, has only made me feel more confused and more isolated. When it comes to talking to the people around me about this, I don't entirely feel comfortable. There are a few people in my family who are homophobic, but I mostly care about my parents. My parents are rather open minded people, yet I fear that if I tell them without being in a relationship first, they won't believe me. There are a few people in my family who have been lesbian & bisexual; yet they're either dead or not very close to me. I am willing to do whatever it takes, for all I want to be is happy. With all this being said (I apologize for the jumble of words), I was wondering if anyone could give me some insight/advice; tell me how you figured out your sexuality, or tell me something along the lines of what steps I should take to better understand myself. Thank you for the help! <3

firstly, there’s no specific “type” of sapphic, there’s stereotypes and girls that fit w that to an extent but what i’ve come to realise is that u don’t have to feel like u have to fit in w a certain group. it’s all about feeling comfortable with yourself! i feel like i really relate to your experience a lot, i’ve been told i’m masculine and boys have never been attracted to me. but over the past few months i’ve realised that i used to wear really feminine clothes to fit in, and now i’m more comfortable with myself & i feel more liberated! there’s no steps you can take to understand yourself apart from accepting that you are unsure of yourself right now. i think it’ll come naturally once you free yourself from what you think is expected of you/ who you think you should be. i don’t understand myself fully yet either, but now i’m okay with that i feel a lot happier pm me if you wanna talk!

Hi! i felt the exact same when i was about 17. i had always liked guys but none of them liked me. I remember getting involved in a school play and i started to develop feelings for a girl a year younger than me. This was so scary for me bc i had never felt this way about anyone before. Luckily my friend and I both sort of said to each other that we found her attractive so we had each other to talk about things.
i thought i was a lesbian. Then i started a job and found myself becoming friends with a guy - we were super close and then we started to go out on walks and we eventually began dating. We are still together now 4 years later and very happy. I still am attracted to girls even though i am with my boyfriend.
I consider myself open to anyone as long as everyone is of age and consenting don’t put so much pressure on yourself, you like who u like. End of. If you fall in love with a man or woman or someone in between. Good luck

firstly, there’s no specific “type” of sapphic, there’s stereotypes and girls that fit w that to an extent but what i’ve come to realise is that u don’t have to feel like u have to fit in w a certain group. it’s all about feeling comfortable with yourself! i feel like i really relate to your experience a lot, i’ve been told i’m masculine and boys have never been attracted to me. but over the past few months i’ve realised that i used to wear really feminine clothes to fit in, and now i’m more comfortable with myself & i feel more liberated! there’s no steps you can take to understand yourself apart from accepting that you are unsure of yourself right now. i think it’ll come naturally once you free yourself from what you think is expected of you/ who you think you should be. i don’t understand myself fully yet either, but now i’m okay with that i feel a lot happier pm me if you wanna talk!

hey. tbh i don’t think I’m a good example. I found out when I realised that my crushes on girls were legit, and I came to accept them. I read this comment somewhere which helped- when I look at girls, I don’t think “omg she’s so gorgeous I want to BE her”; I think “I want to BE WITH her” Dont try to put a label on how u feel just yet. go with the flow, and come into terms w how you’re feeling, try to understand and identify your most basic feelings regarding people, and yourself. don’t be in a rush to put a tag on it, or telling ur parents- I think that u will when the time is right, and when u feel comfortable enough. personally, when I told them I literally couldn’t contain myself lol. if you are sure your parents will be accepting, but you don’t yet know ur sexuality or just need more time to figure yourself out, there is no need to rush. take ur time. hope this helps♥️

Thank you for the advice and the doc recommendation! I feel very out of control in my situation and I think that is why I am so stuck. When I think everything over, the idea of being with a woman sounds more promising and comforting to me. I've just never been with a woman/I know very little about it, so I think I may just be trying to get a hold on things. Like I said in my original post, I've tried to do research to better understand, yet it doesn't seem to help a lot and if anything makes me spiral more. It especially sucks when I feel like I can't relate to someone's experience and I begin to fear that I may not actually be what I want to be because of that. I am still trying to be reasonable about this 😅 so I use the fact that 'if it is meant to be it will be,' to give myself some stability. Thanks again for the response! It was very helpful to know I am not alone!