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How can I stop thinking about this guy I never dated?

I knew someone for eight months and he tells me to take it slow, but he liked me and we did a lot of romantic things, bought each other gifts and generally spoke every day. I was really attached to him as he was in my life during a dark time. So eight months rolls around and he said he didn't know what we were and eventually admitted he didn't want a serious relationship. I still can't get over it and I want to. I have been going to the gym as a distraction as this seems to be my only way of coping right now.

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Did you use to have significant others? If you didn't, I can help you out.
Reply 2
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Anonymous #1
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Original post by SlaveofAll
Did you use to have significant others? If you didn't, I can help you out.

No I don't.... by that standard, my relationships at school lasted three months. I guess this was not a proper relationship. He said I did nothing wrong and my friend also told me that. I think I am just very unlucky in this department.
Original post by Anonymous
No I don't.... by that standard, my relationships at school lasted three months. I guess this was not a proper relationship. He said I did nothing wrong and my friend also told me that. I think I am just very unlucky in this department.

Even short relationships are countable as such. If you're female, you'll be more than likely to obtain a man just by being upfront. This is just truism, though.
Reply 4
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Original post by SlaveofAll
Even short relationships are countable as such. If you're female, you'll be more than likely to obtain a man just by being upfront. This is just truism, though.

Yeah... I need to take the time to truly heal. I think that I've been trying to rush into certain progress. Like I have been going to the gym most days, but every time I go home, I always think about him and I just want to forget.
Original post by Anonymous
Yeah... I need to take the time to truly heal. I think that I've been trying to rush into certain progress. Like I have been going to the gym most days, but every time I go home, I always think about him and I just want to forget.

They say confidence is the key to succeeding in having a significant other, and if you're female, you'll have more reasons to be confident than a man would, in terms of bragging rights, that is.
Reply 6
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Surnia
20
Original post by Anonymous
No I don't.... by that standard, my relationships at school lasted three months. I guess this was not a proper relationship. He said I did nothing wrong and my friend also told me that. I think I am just very unlucky in this department.

Of course it wasn't a proper relationship because the pair of you never discussed it properly. Eight months is a long time to be 'romantically involved' with someone without it going somewhere, yet you say you weren't dating; what do you call it, then?

Next time, speak up and establish what is happening. Communication is key!
Reply 7
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Anonymous #1
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Original post by Surnia
Of course it wasn't a proper relationship because the pair of you never discussed it properly. Eight months is a long time to be 'romantically involved' with someone without it going somewhere, yet you say you weren't dating; what do you call it, then?

Next time, speak up and establish what is happening. Communication is key!

I really did try to communicate, but he started to withdraw from me in March time.
Reply 8
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Surnia
20
Original post by Anonymous
I really did try to communicate, but he started to withdraw from me in March time.

Even if things were difficult for you, it sounds like you enjoyed the attention as you put up with 8 months of aimless romance and poor communication. If you want to get over this, start seeing the negatives of what has happened, rather than the positives. And be more decisive in future.
(edited 2 years ago)
Reply 9
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Original post by Surnia
Even if things were difficult for you, it sounds like you enjoyed the attention as you put up with 8 months of aimless romance and poor communication. If you want to get over this, start seeing the negatives of what has happened, rather than the positives. And be more decisive in future.

It's also his fault for not being clear too, I made my feelings pretty clear in the beginning but I don't think he took the hint
Original post by Anonymous
It's also his fault for not being clear too, I made my feelings pretty clear in the beginning but I don't think he took the hint

Assume that no one can read your mind.
Reply 11
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Surnia
20
Original post by Anonymous
It's also his fault for not being clear too, I made my feelings pretty clear in the beginning but I don't think he took the hint

So which was it, you made it clear or you gave him a hint?

I met a guy at work, we had our first (and second) dates 4 days later. Spending time together after that was difficult with his job, but we did enough to get to know each other that we officially got together after nearly 3 months. You let things drift for 8 months and are only complaining when he's left you. If you weren't happy that he wanted to take things slow or he didn't pick up on what you were saying, that's on you for not speaking up more. As I said, you were happy with romantic things and gifts, but you obviously didn't look at the deeper connection and the future. Lesson learned.
Original post by Surnia
So which was it, you made it clear or you gave him a hint?

I met a guy at work, we had our first (and second) dates 4 days later. Spending time together after that was difficult with his job, but we did enough to get to know each other that we officially got together after nearly 3 months. You let things drift for 8 months and are only complaining when he's left you. If you weren't happy that he wanted to take things slow or he didn't pick up on what you were saying, that's on you for not speaking up more. As I said, you were happy with romantic things and gifts, but you obviously didn't look at the deeper connection and the future. Lesson learned.

Obviously I mentioned the future with him and he was intimate very quickly. I'm not saying I wasn't in the wrong, but after 8 months, I have expressed that I liked him after three months, surely he would have known? Anyway it's in the past now, as soon as I get into another relationship I will state my intentions straight away, I think we both messed up. I don't get into relationships that easily.
Original post by SlaveofAll
Assume that no one can read your mind.

This is why I'm stating my intentions next time but I still feel hurt.
Original post by Anonymous
This is why I'm stating my intentions next time but I still feel hurt.

Use that experience of yours to teach women how to win men over to them as well.
Original post by SlaveofAll
Use that experience of yours to teach women how to win men over to them as well.

I'm not even that confident, but I'll try.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm not even that confident, but I'll try.

Like I said, you as a women have more than enough reasons to be confident by thinking about what good being female can offer you. People say that being female has more advantages than being male. Shouldn't that make you proud?
Original post by SlaveofAll
Like I said, you as a women have more than enough reasons to be confident by thinking about what good being female can offer you. People say that being female has more advantages than being male. Shouldn't that make you proud?

Specifically what advantages do women have? I know in terms of dating, it's slightly harder for males but the ideal body standards for both females and males is hard to achieve.
Original post by Anonymous
Specifically what advantages do women have? I know in terms of dating, it's slightly harder for males but the ideal body standards for both females and males is hard to achieve.

I mean, the fact that more women than men live longer, get higher grades, graduate more, have better immune systems, are law-abiding, and gain public sympathy should make you feel good about yourself. Those are just few of the things you can be proud. I as guy can only wish to have them.
Original post by SlaveofAll
I mean, the fact that more women than men live longer, get higher grades, graduate more, have better immune systems, are law-abiding, and gain public sympathy should make you feel good about yourself. Those are just few of the things you can be proud. I as guy can only wish to have them.

I don't think the grass is greener on the other side. Sure, we may be more law abiding and graduate more than males but sometimes I wish I wasn't female.

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