Do I have a right to be mad at my boyfriend/his family?

Watch
Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 2 months ago
#1
Me and my partner have been together for 2.5 years, we are both currently 18. My family loves to travel and go on holiday and we own an apartment in France that we go to every year. My partner however doesn’t go on holiday and has never left the country. He doesn’t have a passport and therefore can’t go away with us. When we first started dating (spring 2019) I asked him to apply for a passport so that he could come away with our family either in the summer or in autumn, and he just said “yeah whatever”. Months later, still no passport or any talk of one. Fast forward to the start of 2020, I ask him to get a passport as my family planned to go abroad to visit relatives/sightsee in April. Him and his dad finally applied via the post, however they never heard back and never got a passport. Luckily for him, COVID happened and it meant we couldn’t visit relatives or go anywhere. I still wanted him to get a passport so when borders did open, we can just go anywhere without hassle. However he kept making excuses. Fast forward again to about October 2020, my boyfriend says that his family can’t afford a passport (which I was of course understanding about, as I know they are quite poor and struggle for money). However, his mother often went shopping and happened to buy £130 trainers that she never wears. (and she’s a stay-at-home mother who never goes anywhere). I was a bit frustrated at that point, because they told their son that they can’t afford a PASSPORT for him but can easily afford some unnecessary branded trainers (unnecessary as she has many many shoes already). Fast forward again to now (June 2021), still no passport. My parents have decided they’ll pay for his passport as a birthday present, as they also want him to come away with us, but his birthday was about 2 weeks ago and we’re just waiting for his parents to get all the info ready. His parents are the main issue as they procrastinate so much that it’s been 2 years since I first asked and there’s still nothing. I’m grateful that they at least tried at the start of 2020, but when they found out it was unsuccessful and got a refund, why couldn’t they apply again? Things are starting to open up now and as soon as borders open, me and my family are gone, and probably without my boyfriend. He doesn’t seem care much about it either, he’s never been on a proper holiday and therefore doesn’t know what he’s missing, so he doesn’t care for it. I don’t know what to do, I can’t tell his parents to do it because it’s not my place, I can only tell him, but he’s getting sick of me asking so much.
0
reply
twinklelittlstar
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#2
Report 2 months ago
#2
hey, tbh I'm a bit confused, why be mad? from here it seems like your bf isn't really excited to go. why keep insisting? you can't force him to go on holiday. i obviously don't know the situation as well as u do, tho. I'd have a frank, non-judgmental talk with ur bf. ask him if he truly wants to go, no pressure. if he does, keep going and try to make it happen. seems like there's only so much u can do, tho, if his parents procrastinate this much. (also, pls don't base off his mother's choice to buy those shoes to gauge their economic situation- that's just not fair, people have different priorities, etc.) if he doesn't want to go, drop the matter and go, enjoy yourself w your family. I'd be interested to know the reasons why he doesn't, but there's not much room for discussion- if he knows what's in the trip and doesn't want to go or doesn't put in the interest, I wouldn't keep on pushing. you should respect his decision. he has room to decide, but you do, too: if the fact that he doesn't want to go on holiday is a dealbreaker for u, it would be time to reconsider what both of your priorities are, and what u expect of each other as partners. hope this helps. stay safe!
2
reply
Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 2 months ago
#3
(Original post by twinklelittlstar)
hey, tbh I'm a bit confused, why be mad? from here it seems like your bf isn't really excited to go. why keep insisting? you can't force him to go on holiday. i obviously don't know the situation as well as u do, tho. I'd have a frank, non-judgmental talk with ur bf. ask him if he truly wants to go, no pressure. if he does, keep going and try to make it happen. seems like there's only so much u can do, tho, if his parents procrastinate this much. (also, pls don't base off his mother's choice to buy those shoes to gauge their economic situation- that's just not fair, people have different priorities, etc.) if he doesn't want to go, drop the matter and go, enjoy yourself w your family. I'd be interested to know the reasons why he doesn't, but there's not much room for discussion- if he knows what's in the trip and doesn't want to go or doesn't put in the interest, I wouldn't keep on pushing. you should respect his decision. he has room to decide, but you do, too: if the fact that he doesn't want to go on holiday is a dealbreaker for u, it would be time to reconsider what both of your priorities are, and what u expect of each other as partners. hope this helps. stay safe!
He wants to go he’s just not desperate like I am. He’s very lazy and just thinks it’ll be boring, I want to show him parts of the world that mean a lot to me, and my ancestry, as i’m not fully british. He will go if I want him to and I know he’ll enjoy it, he’s just stubborn. Also about the trainers thing, I get people have priorities, but that’s literally why i’m mad. The fact that another pair of trainers is higher on her list than a very important document for her son is upsetting to me. And I’ve known them for 2 years now, I know their situation, if they say they don’t have money and then go clothes shopping for clothes they don’t need, then that’s just lying. I don’t think it’s about money with them, I think it’s just another long job that they don’t want to do/spend money on as it doesn’t mean anything to them.
0
reply
Muttley79
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#4
Report 2 months ago
#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
Me and my partner have been together for 2.5 years, we are both currently 18. My family loves to travel and go on holiday and we own an apartment in France that we go to every year. My partner however doesn’t go on holiday and has never left the country. He doesn’t have a passport and therefore can’t go away with us. When we first started dating (spring 2019) I asked him to apply for a passport so that he could come away with our family either in the summer or in autumn, and he just said “yeah whatever”. Months later, still no passport or any talk of one. Fast forward to the start of 2020, I ask him to get a passport as my family planned to go abroad to visit relatives/sightsee in April. Him and his dad finally applied via the post, however they never heard back and never got a passport. Luckily for him, COVID happened and it meant we couldn’t visit relatives or go anywhere. I still wanted him to get a passport so when borders did open, we can just go anywhere without hassle. However he kept making excuses. Fast forward again to about October 2020, my boyfriend says that his family can’t afford a passport (which I was of course understanding about, as I know they are quite poor and struggle for money). However, his mother often went shopping and happened to buy £130 trainers that she never wears. (and she’s a stay-at-home mother who never goes anywhere). I was a bit frustrated at that point, because they told their son that they can’t afford a PASSPORT for him but can easily afford some unnecessary branded trainers (unnecessary as she has many many shoes already). Fast forward again to now (June 2021), still no passport. My parents have decided they’ll pay for his passport as a birthday present, as they also want him to come away with us, but his birthday was about 2 weeks ago and we’re just waiting for his parents to get all the info ready. His parents are the main issue as they procrastinate so much that it’s been 2 years since I first asked and there’s still nothing. I’m grateful that they at least tried at the start of 2020, but when they found out it was unsuccessful and got a refund, why couldn’t they apply again? Things are starting to open up now and as soon as borders open, me and my family are gone, and probably without my boyfriend. He doesn’t seem care much about it either, he’s never been on a proper holiday and therefore doesn’t know what he’s missing, so he doesn’t care for it. I don’t know what to do, I can’t tell his parents to do it because it’s not my place, I can only tell him, but he’s getting sick of me asking so much.
Just leae it - not everyone wants to go abroad especially at the moment.
1
reply
Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 2 months ago
#5
(Original post by twinklelittlstar)
hey, tbh I'm a bit confused, why be mad? from here it seems like your bf isn't really excited to go. why keep insisting? you can't force him to go on holiday. i obviously don't know the situation as well as u do, tho. I'd have a frank, non-judgmental talk with ur bf. ask him if he truly wants to go, no pressure. if he does, keep going and try to make it happen. seems like there's only so much u can do, tho, if his parents procrastinate this much. (also, pls don't base off his mother's choice to buy those shoes to gauge their economic situation- that's just not fair, people have different priorities, etc.) if he doesn't want to go, drop the matter and go, enjoy yourself w your family. I'd be interested to know the reasons why he doesn't, but there's not much room for discussion- if he knows what's in the trip and doesn't want to go or doesn't put in the interest, I wouldn't keep on pushing. you should respect his decision. he has room to decide, but you do, too: if the fact that he doesn't want to go on holiday is a dealbreaker for u, it would be time to reconsider what both of your priorities are, and what u expect of each other as partners. hope this helps. stay safe!
Also, it’s not just about holidays, my parents are moving to France next year and I’m going to visit them a lot, I’d like my partner to come along too.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#6
Report Thread starter 2 months ago
#6
(Original post by Muttley79)
Just leae it - not everyone wants to go abroad especially at the moment.
This situation has been going since before COVID though. And he has said he wants to come away with us and wants to go abroad, it’s just the act of actually applying for a passport is what they’re not doing because they’re lazy :/
0
reply
Muttley79
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#7
Report 2 months ago
#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
This situation has been going since before COVID though. And he has said he wants to come away with us and wants to go abroad, it’s just the act of actually applying for a passport is what they’re not doing because they’re lazy :/
No, stop judging - if they were rejected before there might be an embarrassing reason. Leave it ...
2
reply
Anonymous #1
#8
Report Thread starter 2 months ago
#8
(Original post by Muttley79)
No, stop judging - if they were rejected before there might be an embarrassing reason. Leave it ...
He has 7 siblings who ALL have passports. There is no embarrassing reason, I know my partners family. It’s literally laziness, he admits it himself, I’m allowed to judge.
0
reply
bones-mccoy
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#9
Report 2 months ago
#9
Two years is a very long time to get a passport, even taking into account Covid delays. It really sounds like he's not that bothered about going if I'm honest, which I know is probably upsetting but you can't force someone to enjoy something. I would focus on having a nice time with your parents and come to terms with the fact that he doesn't want to go.

And if your parents are moving abroad and you're planning on visting them fairly often, you may have to re-think your relationship in the future. Sometimes things don't work out because you have different wants, priorities and goals, but that's okay. It's all part of growing up.
Last edited by bones-mccoy; 2 months ago
2
reply
Muttley79
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#10
Report 2 months ago
#10
(Original post by Anonymous)
He has 7 siblings who ALL have passports. There is no embarrassing reason, I know my partners family. It’s literally laziness, he admits it himself, I’m allowed to judge.
You are not being fair and we can judge you too remember! He isn't being lazy - you are being annoying ...
3
reply
Anonymous #2
#11
Report 2 months ago
#11
You need to drop that. Seriously, you’re 18. It’s not okay to call him lazy because he just doesn’t feel like going and it’s none of your business to look at what his mother buys instead of getting him a passport either. If your relationship is stable and stays that way, then eventually one day he’ll meet your relatives and travel the world with you. At this point he has no obligation to do so imho. Even if it means a lot to you, you have to understand that he doesn’t see it that way and you need to let it go. You can’t force things to happen or people to do things only because you want it. That’s not okay.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#12
Report Thread starter 2 months ago
#12
(Original post by Muttley79)
You are not being fair and we can judge you too remember! He isn't being lazy - you are being annoying ...
I’m the one in the wrong for being patient and waiting 2 years for a document for my partner that everyone should have regardless of holidays? I understand I’m annoying him, but he could’ve just applied for one years ago and none of this would’ve happened, he knows I’m passionate about family and culture, he knows I’m not going to let this go.
0
reply
depp6324
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#13
Report 2 months ago
#13
Well since your saying its a laziness issue then you need to find a way for him to be excited about it otherwise he won't bother with it. Remember, people are only lazy if they don't have the passion for it so you need to motivate or find a way to make him passionate about it. No idea how you'll do that but give some incentive or something idk you'll know what he likes and such.
0
reply
Muttley79
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#14
Report 2 months ago
#14
(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m the one in the wrong for being patient and waiting 2 years for a document for my partner that everyone should have regardless of holidays? I understand I’m annoying him, but he could’ve just applied for one years ago and none of this would’ve happened, he knows I’m passionate about family and culture, he knows I’m not going to let this go.
I know many people without passports - split up with him if you csn't be more understanding.
0
reply
username5750980
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#15
Report 2 months ago
#15
(Original post by Muttley79)
I know many people without passports - split up with him if you csn't be more understanding.
its not unreasonable. they have never been on holiday together as a couple op just wants it to be easy for her family and bf
whyis that such a hardship on any of u ppl the op doesnt actually know
0
reply
Muttley79
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#16
Report 2 months ago
#16
(Original post by Book0306)
its not unreasonable. they have never been on holiday together as a couple op just wants it to be easy for her family and bf
whyis that such a hardship on any of u ppl the op doesnt actually know
They could holiday in the UK ...
Last edited by Muttley79; 2 months ago
0
reply
username5750980
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#17
Report 2 months ago
#17
(Original post by Muttley79)
They could holidsay in the UK ...
yh ik but you might still need a passport to go to france
i needed one to go to france
Last edited by username5750980; 2 months ago
0
reply
Muttley79
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#18
Report 2 months ago
#18
(Original post by Book0306)
yh ik but you might still need a passport to go to france
There may be a reason he does not want to go with her family - by pushing like this she is being annoying imho.
0
reply
username5750980
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#19
Report 2 months ago
#19
(Original post by Muttley79)
There may be a reason he does not want to go with her family - by pushing like this she is being annoying imho.
i get that but if its your first time away with your partner, you'd think he'd be a little more enthustic
0
reply
Bio 7
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#20
Report 2 months ago
#20
I don't like travelling and would hate to be pressured into it so he's probably being polite and you keep pestering him.
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Feeling behind at school/college? What is the best thing your teachers could to help you catch up?

Extra compulsory independent learning activities (eg, homework tasks) (3)
3.75%
Run extra compulsory lessons or workshops (11)
13.75%
Focus on making the normal lesson time with them as high quality as possible (14)
17.5%
Focus on making the normal learning resources as high quality/accessible as possible (9)
11.25%
Provide extra optional activities, lessons and/or workshops (29)
36.25%
Assess students, decide who needs extra support and focus on these students (14)
17.5%

Watched Threads

View All