My brother is getting too much

He lives with me atm. Hes refusing to leave his room to get food and I have to take it to him then he doesn't even put his plates back he just chucks it on the floor. He refuses to go out. He just gets home and revision which is fine but he does nothing but revision and he keeps being rude if I try to talk to him about this. He's just sitting around revising and refuses to do anything else. I'm not sure if I should kick him out. Yes it's important to revise but hes just not doing anything else, other people his age do maybe a few hours of revising but they still take care of themselves.

I have to take his food to his room, he chucks his plates on the floor. He's doing nothing to help around. I had an issue that if he wants food he needs to come, to get it from the dining room and he just was refusing. I told him to hoover his room, he couldn't even so that, he just kept sitting there revising and being rude. I have friends who are taking exams and they still clean up after themselves they don't need everything doing for them. He is revising but he's making me do all his work which is selfish and lazy. I was thinking of maybe hiding all his revision stuff until he does stuff. Our parents won't take him back in their house because it's having work done so only reason I haven't kicked him out is there's no where to go. He's in my flat but he's not showing any respect or he's not following my rules

Reply 1

ReadingMum

19

I would be tempted to stop taking him food. If he wants to eat he should come and get it. If he doesn't return the plates when finished then he doesn't get the next meal.

Reply 2

Domainski

10

Why are you even cooking for him? Is he disabled? Does he have his own room in your apartment?

That’s a shame

OP

Original post by ReadingMum

I would be tempted to stop taking him food. If he wants to eat he should come and get it. If he doesn't return the plates when finished then he doesn't get the next meal.

He just demands it

Original post by Domainski

Why are you even cooking for him? Is he disabled? Does he have his own room in your apartment?

Hes not disabled, I'll get in trouble with our parents even though he's not coming to get it ill still get in trouble and yes it's a 2 bed

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

I just will get in trouble. I was thinking of throwing all his revision books etc away at some point

Reply 6

Jonodeer

8

First I would stop bringing him food, if he is hungry then he will get his own food, he's not a child. However it might be that he is really stressed/depressed over his exams and feels that he needs to revise all the time and doesnt have the energy or time to clean up ( its easy to let it all pile up)

If/when you stop bringing him food and he still doesnt get his own food and is still revising all time, then i think it is clear that is no longer a rude teenager problem and it is a mental health problem and you should encourage him to go out more, even if its just to do something fun the two of you, an dget him to speak to someone, be it a teacher, your parents or a gp.

Reply 7

Jonodeer

8

Original post by Anonymous

I just will get in trouble. I was thinking of throwing all his revision books etc away at some point

with all due respect, how the **** is that going to help either of you

if this behaviour is because he is stressed about revising and exams then that is only going add more stress for him and he's not going to suddenly want to help you, so its a lose-lose situation if you do that

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Jonodeer

First I would stop bringing him food, if he is hungry then he will get his own food, he's not a child. However it might be that he is really stressed/depressed over his exams and feels that he needs to revise all the time and doesnt have the energy or time to clean up ( its easy to let it all pile up)

If/when you stop bringing him food and he still doesnt get his own food and is still revising all time, then i think it is clear that is no longer a rude teenager problem and it is a mental health problem and you should encourage him to go out more, even if its just to do something fun the two of you, an dget him to speak to someone, be it a teacher, your parents or a gp.

He demands it and our parents will just be mad if I don't give him anything to eat.

If the exams are causing stress or mental health problems then he shouldn't even be doing them

Reply 9

Domainski

10

Original post by Anonymous

Hes not disabled, I'll get in trouble with our parents even though he's not coming to get it ill still get in trouble and yes it's a 2 bed

I wouldn’t cook for him. Not because he can do it himself but because he doesn’t show any respect or appreciation when someone else does it for him.

If parents had any problems with that I would tell them they are free to come over and cook his meals themselves or just take him back and let him sleep and revise in their living room, kitchen or wherever.

What kind of trouble could parents cause to a child living on their own anyway? Unless they pay for your apartment? In which case, you do have to cook for the ungrateful...

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Jonodeer

with all due respect, how the **** is that going to help either of you

if this behaviour is because he is stressed about revising and exams then that is only going add more stress for him and he's not going to suddenly want to help you, so its a lose-lose situation if you do that

It will teach him a lesson

Also if he's stressed about revision and chuck them away then he won't be stressed.

Reply 11

Jonodeer

8

Original post by Anonymous

He demands it and our parents will just be mad if I don't give him anything to eat.

If the exams are causing stress or mental health problems then he shouldn't even be doing them

okay he shouldnt be demanding anything, but if your parents are going to be mad if you dont give him something to eat, I doubt they are going to be please if you chuck away all his revision materials. Explain to them that there is food in the house that he can eat but you are not going to bring it to his room you are not a waiter. And if they dont listen to you or take his side then why are you doing them a favour and letting him stay in your flat

prehaps he shouldnt but he might not even realise the exams are causing this much of an issue its easy just to get caught into your own bubble, equally he might not feel he has any other option, that exams are the only way to move forward in life

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Domainski

I wouldn’t cook for him. Not because he can do it himself but because he doesn’t show any respect or appreciation when someone else does it for him.

If parents had any problems with that I would tell them they are free to come over and cook his meals themselves or just take him back and let him sleep and revise in their living room, kitchen or wherever.

What kind of trouble could parents cause to a child living on their own anyway? Unless they pay for your apartment? In which case, you do have to cook for the ungrateful...

Our parents house is having work done so my brother said he come here so I was fine but he came and isn't respecting anything

How old is he?

Original post by Anonymous

It will teach him a lesson

Also if he's stressed about revision and chuck them away then he won't be stressed.

thats only going to make him not respect you more ( how old are you and him?)

thats the most backward logic ive heard, when i say he's stressed about revising I actually mean he's stressed about doing well in exams , taking away his revision materials is only going to make him more stressed because he cant do anything to alleviate his stress

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Jonodeer

okay he shouldnt be demanding anything, but if your parents are going to be mad if you dont give him something to eat, I doubt they are going to be please if you chuck away all his revision materials. Explain to them that there is food in the house that he can eat but you are not going to bring it to his room you are not a waiter. And if they dont listen to you or take his side then why are you doing them a favour and letting him stay in your flat

prehaps he shouldnt but he might not even realise the exams are causing this much of an issue its easy just to get caught into your own bubble, equally he might not feel he has any other option, that exams are the only way to move forward in life

It will teach him a better lesson though to just not take his meals because if I don't take his meals there's still the other stuff. He'll still leave my flat dirty and if I don't do that my flat will be a mess so that's going to affect me. If I just throw his books away it will just be a bit of money wasted and that's it. Our parents would probably understand better

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by YaliaV123

How old is he?

17

Original post by Jonodeer

thats only going to make him not respect you more ( how old are you and him?)

thats the most backward logic ive heard, when i say he's stressed about revising I actually mean he's stressed about doing well in exams , taking away his revision materials is only going to make him more stressed because he cant do anything to alleviate his stress

That will be his lesson him not doing well in exams

Reply 17

nutz99

19

He is your parents responsibility not yours. Tell them what he is doing and tell them they have to sort it or he is out. You will pack his stuff, take him back to them and they have to find another solution.

Be strong with them and ensure they know you are at your wits end.