How to deal with a strict/ traditional family who ruin your nights out

I’m a 25 year older woman and despite that I have strict parents who blow my phone up if I’m gone for longer than 4 hours . I really struggle to enjoy myself on nights out because of this. My parents wait for me to come home and if I’m not home during the night they say they cannot sleep until i am home and this stresses me out immensely. They shouldn’t postpone their sleeping time for me when I’m a grown adult . I work overtime and despite that I still cannot afford my own place . Would it be possible to change their mindset ?? They treat me like a teenager and it’s very frustrating

Reply 1

Filthy Communist

The first port of call is to talk to them and explain how you feel; it's possible that they don't even realise that they're still treating you like a child when you're clearly above that.

If that doesn't go as planned, honestly I'd suggest letting them do as they please. If you were a teenager, yes maybe you're giving them serious cause to be worried if you go home late, but you're a 25 year old adult. Your safety is your own problem, and if they're getting worried about you and are losing sleep, well that's their problem too, isn't it? Don't feel guilty or stressed because they are making silly decisions entirely of their own accord.

Reply 2

Joleee

no, it won't happen. you at 25 need to move out :hugs:

Reply 3

Filthy Communist

Original post by Joleee

no, it won't happen. you at 25 need to move out :hugs:

They said they can't afford to. Obviously if they could they would.

Reply 4

Joleee

Original post by Filthy Communist

They said they can't afford to. Obviously if they could they would.

obviously? how have you come to that conclusion?

does that negate my point, that OP won't change their parents' minds and they need to move out?

Reply 5

username4986690

Just ignore them, you can set your phone to ignore their attempts to contact you.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by DiddyDec

Just ignore them, you can set your phone to ignore their attempts to contact you.

I’ve tried that before and when I got home she was screaming and shouting at me . When it comes to curfew it’s something that angers her a lot and she will always get her way and I end up having to conform to her rules to not cause drama and stress myself out . She is very cultural and believes that women should not be out late at night and that if I don’t follow her rules I’m disobedient . She will scream at me as if I’m a child and ruin my mood . I don’t know what could change her old school controlling mindset

Reply 7

leviticus.

Hustle; go out less, save up and work more/look for better opportunities so you can afford to move out. Its their house and their rules - I'd be annoyed too but at 25 you should consider moving out.

Reply 8

londonmyst

Highly controlling ancestors and toxic relations that are in the habit of behaving like that will never voluntarily change their ways.

All that you can do while you are waiting to be able to move out is choose to ignore them or get sneaky (don't let them know where you are or what you are doing).
Quietly booking hotel rooms for a night, staying with friends over the weekend or going on holiday at least 50 miles away for a few days.
When you manage to leave their home ensure that you don't leave any forwarding address or contact info except for an online mailbox service which will be almost impossible for them to trace.
Good luck!

(edited 2 years ago)

Reply 9

username5428282

You can’t afford your own place or you can’t afford to move out at all? You need to move out for your own sanity because it’s unlikely they’re going to change at this stage.