Getting over someone (Muslim edition)

So I had a bit of a ‘talking stage’ with a guy just over a year ago now. We were initially friends and it sort of developed into something and things changed. We argued a lot more, he became more controlling and I felt like he couldn’t appreciate me the way I wanted to be. A month later I realised I needed to cut things off cause to be perfectly honest he made me feel like crap and it was draining to deal with him. I had these terrible feelings that something bad was going to happen and something didn’t feel right for me. It was a decision that was best for both of us and I was delusional to think I would be happy if I stayed. Ofc there were other factors like being incompatible, not seeing a long term future, different personalities and whatnot but I can’t help but think about him. It’s not like an occasional think it’s literally ALL THE TIME and I really do not want to be so stuck in my own head! It’s been over a year now and it feels so pathetic that I still think oh him, he hurt me a lot so why cant my brain process that and erase his memory??

I understand free mixing and relationships outside of marriage are haram before anyone says anything, I was young and dumb at the time and I’ve definitely grown and learnt a lot of life lessons since then, alhamdullilah. I’ve been focussing on myself more, focussing on Deen, family, friends, education, etc but he always seems to pop up. How can I stop thinking about someone who wasn’t right for me? How do I move forward without the need to talk to another guy to get over him? Any islamic lectures/ books to read/ advice on this sort of stuff?

I wish him well wherever he is but I don’t want to hold onto him like this anymore.

Thanks everyone.

Reply 1

Anonbro1

This might be of some help to you https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/my-fiancee-broke-off-our-engagement-what-do-i-do-to-move-on/
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/how-do-i-get-rid-of-my-desperation-to-get-married/

(edited 2 years ago)

Reply 2

bunnyy__

Original post by Anonbro1

Jazak’Allah, this has definitely put things into perspective for me.

Reply 3

Anonbro1

Original post by bunnyy__

Jazak’Allah, this has definitely put things into perspective for me.

May Allah reward you as well.

Reply 4

Nadia-J

Salam
Think there is a hidden blessing and a lesson to be learnt from the past. When it doesn’t work out with someone or you have the ability and strength to get out of haram relationships and do the right thing, you appreciate that it wasn’t meant to be with him, it definately builds up your imaan, because you know Allah has better things in store for you in sha Allah.

Reply 5

bunnyy__

Original post by Nadia-J

Walaikum Salam. Inn shaa Allah something better is in store for us all. I definitely agree with you there. It makes you realise what you want out of this life and makes you hopeful of the future. I’m forever grateful Allah put me through this situation, it’s definitely helped me develop more emotional intelligence and maturity over time and guided me towards Him. Jazak’Allah for your kind words.

Getting over someone (Muslim edition)

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