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Need help moving on.

If you feel like you read this before, it’s probably because you have. My last post just picked up tons of incels. I need to know if I’ve cheated on my boyfriend.



This all happened with a guy who was 10 years older than me and my best friend from college at the time. I couldn’t shut him down as there were only 4/5 other people on my course and I had to see him everyday. I always reminded him we were platonic and never directly flirted back with him. He was very manipulative and would bombard me with gifts and food in order to persuade me to have sex with him. He also knew about my boyfriend and knew I loved him. Why I think I cheated:

•

I text him A LOT about everything, sometimes he flirted and I didn’t shut it down, but mostly just normal things.

•

I told him he had a big penis, because he kept sending me nudes until I told him what I thought of them (I didn’t look)

•

I spoke to him early on in our friendship about sex, what I liked and masturbation etc. I even called him daddy once as a joke (he knew it was a joke)

•

I sent him a picture of a bruise on my bum, and I’m worried this classes as a nude photo (because he had unconsentually smacked me so hard it bruised)

•

I let him talk to me about how much he loved me and wanted to have kids with me or move in with him because it made me feel better about my relationship with my boyfriend (these were all within a month of knowing me, and I never reciprocated the same energy, I said my boyfriend wouldn’t like it.)

•

I was uncomfortable with how much he said sexual things so after a while I would stop saying no and said things like “don’t😻” or “don’t tempt me” even though I didn’t enjoy anything he was saying.

Honestly, did I cheat on my boyfriend?

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Did you ever mention him to your bf? Did you let him know this guy was making you uncomfortable? Did you go out of your way to hide it? I would consider it cheating if I were your bf because you never asked him to stop.
Reply 2
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by sashhhhsh
Did you ever mention him to your bf? Did you let him know this guy was making you uncomfortable? Did you go out of your way to hide it? I would consider it cheating if I were your bf because you never asked him to stop.

I did ask him to stop, it just seemed pointless to say after a while
Reply 3
Avatar for ważzer
ważzer
11
Yes
You know already, can’t fully convince yourself you’ve not done anything wrong, and are instead looking to feed off the few people who may sympathise and provide a favourable opinion.

You did wrong.
Take it on the chin and use it to better yourself.
Everyone makes mistakes, don’t hide from them.
(edited 2 years ago)
Reply 5
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by Chris2892
You know already, can’t fully convince yourself you’ve not done anything wrong, and are instead looking to feed off the few people who may sympathise and provide a favourable opinion.

You did wrong.
Take it on the chin and use it to better yourself.
Everyone makes mistakes, don’t hide from them.


Not saying I didn’t do wrong- not looking for sympathy just looking for a yes or no answer!
Reply 6
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by Chris2892
You know already, can’t fully convince yourself you’ve not done anything wrong, and are instead looking to feed off the few people who may sympathise and provide a favourable opinion.

You did wrong.
Take it on the chin and use it to better yourself.
Everyone makes mistakes, don’t hide from them.

Also, it’s not that I can’t convince myself I haven’t done anything wrong- I just genuinely don’t know. I have severe OCD/ anxiety and this often clouds my view.
Original post by Anonymous
Not saying I didn’t do wrong- not looking for sympathy just looking for a yes or no answer!


Yes ❤️
Reply 8
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by sashhhhsh
Yes ❤️

You think I cheated?
Original post by Anonymous
You think I cheated?


Yes ❤️
Original post by sashhhhsh
Yes ❤️

Fair enough! May I ask why?
Original post by Anonymous
Fair enough! May I ask why?


"I let him talk about how much he loved me and wanted to have kids with me" I'd dump you ❤️
I think that you were very silly to allow his constant flirting to go too far and his very unpleasant behaviour to continue for so long.
But as sordid as some of the chats & unsolicited explicit photos he sent you were, I believe that there was no cheating on your part or any intent to cheat.
When you first saw how he was behaving with you, why didn't you cut the relationship off then?

Why did you let his behaviour escalate and keep giving him attention?
Original post by Anonymous
If you feel like you read this before, it’s probably because you have. My last post just picked up tons of incels. I need to know if I’ve cheated on my boyfriend.



This all happened with a guy who was 10 years older than me and my best friend from college at the time. I couldn’t shut him down as there were only 4/5 other people on my course and I had to see him everyday. I always reminded him we were platonic and never directly flirted back with him. He was very manipulative and would bombard me with gifts and food in order to persuade me to have sex with him. He also knew about my boyfriend and knew I loved him. Why I think I cheated:

•

I text him A LOT about everything, sometimes he flirted and I didn’t shut it down, but mostly just normal things.

•

I told him he had a big penis, because he kept sending me nudes until I told him what I thought of them (I didn’t look)

•

I spoke to him early on in our friendship about sex, what I liked and masturbation etc. I even called him daddy once as a joke (he knew it was a joke)

•

I sent him a picture of a bruise on my bum, and I’m worried this classes as a nude photo (because he had unconsentually smacked me so hard it bruised)

•

I let him talk to me about how much he loved me and wanted to have kids with me or move in with him because it made me feel better about my relationship with my boyfriend (these were all within a month of knowing me, and I never reciprocated the same energy, I said my boyfriend wouldn’t like it.)

•

I was uncomfortable with how much he said sexual things so after a while I would stop saying no and said things like “don’t😻” or “don’t tempt me” even though I didn’t enjoy anything he was saying.

Honestly, did I cheat on my boyfriend?

How old were you when this happened?
Original post by Anonymous
If you feel like you read this before, it’s probably because you have. My last post just picked up tons of incels. I need to know if I’ve cheated on my boyfriend.



This all happened with a guy who was 10 years older than me and my best friend from college at the time. I couldn’t shut him down as there were only 4/5 other people on my course and I had to see him everyday. I always reminded him we were platonic and never directly flirted back with him. He was very manipulative and would bombard me with gifts and food in order to persuade me to have sex with him. He also knew about my boyfriend and knew I loved him. Why I think I cheated:

•

I text him A LOT about everything, sometimes he flirted and I didn’t shut it down, but mostly just normal things.

•

I told him he had a big penis, because he kept sending me nudes until I told him what I thought of them (I didn’t look)

•

I spoke to him early on in our friendship about sex, what I liked and masturbation etc. I even called him daddy once as a joke (he knew it was a joke)

•

I sent him a picture of a bruise on my bum, and I’m worried this classes as a nude photo (because he had unconsentually smacked me so hard it bruised)

•

I let him talk to me about how much he loved me and wanted to have kids with me or move in with him because it made me feel better about my relationship with my boyfriend (these were all within a month of knowing me, and I never reciprocated the same energy, I said my boyfriend wouldn’t like it.)

•

I was uncomfortable with how much he said sexual things so after a while I would stop saying no and said things like “don’t😻” or “don’t tempt me” even though I didn’t enjoy anything he was saying.

Honestly, did I cheat on my boyfriend?


You absolutely could have "shut him down" if you really wanted you

Tbh I think Part of you enjoyed the attention even if it was only a small part
Original post by Anonymous
You absolutely could have "shut him down" if you really wanted you

Tbh I think Part of you enjoyed the attention even if it was only a small part

I couldn’t have at the time. But anyway, do you think I’ve cheated?
Yes you have cheated.
If you hadn’t you wouldn’t be feeling guilty and looking for validation from others.
You could have shut it down.
You could have not replied.
You could have blocked his number.
You could have reported him for harassment.
You could have Not told him his penis was “huge”
You could have Not sent him a picture of your bum.

You didn’t, you chose to behave how you did. You cheated on your fb now move on. :smile:
I don't think I would classify it as cheating, but I do think it was inappropriate and disrespectful to your partner.

Your post reads like a list of excuses for why you didn't put an end it to it earlier. You could have put an end to it and you chose not to, so don't try to justify your behaviour. You led this guy on with flirtatious responses (telling him he has a big dong and teasing responses like "don't 😻" are flirtatious) instead of doing the right thing. If you want your boyfriend to forgive you (you are planning to tell him, aren't you?) then you should be upfront and appear apologetic. Excuses will detract from any sincerity you wish to portray, so you shouldn't explain it to him the same way you have to us.
(edited 2 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
I couldn’t have at the time. But anyway, do you think I’ve cheated?


I don't think you have
Because I do see the other side as well that maybe you were just too apprehensive and feared the worst if you were more blunt
It's about your intention at the end of the day and yours wasn't to seduce this guy or anything


However if your boyfriend saw such messages it may look a little incriminating

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