I don’t know what to do…

What would you do if you had barely any friends/no friends, you were very shy, in a bad long term relationship with someone who you would see almost everyday if you broke up with them? I’m feeling depressed and so unmotivated. I desperately want to make friends again but I’m very anxious and shy. I’m a university student.

i am exactly the same and looking for advice but I'm about to start university.

What would you do if you had barely any friends/no friends, you were very shy, in a bad long term relationship with someone who you would see almost everyday if you broke up with them? I’m feeling depressed and so unmotivated. I desperately want to make friends again but I’m very anxious and shy. I’m a university student.

Are you in a relationship too then?

Breaking away from being shy and anxious is all about realizing that there's no reason for you to give a **** because nobody else does.

Most of the things that make us anxious others don't notice or don't care about. People are living their own lives and are unlikely to pay attention to you. The best way I can describe it is when you go to a gym and you're scared everyone is looking at you and will judge you, but then you realize they're all there to get their workout done and get out, they don't care about you.

So I would say the best remedy for you is getting out of your comofort zone by not giving a ****.

Maybe start with talking to people you're unlikely to meet ever again. That helped me. So maybe drive to a part of town you don't usually go to and try to strike a conversation with a stranger. Best case scenario you just leveled up your social skills and maybe gained a friend, worst case scenario it's awkward so you walk away and never see them again.

no I struggle speaking to girls my last girl was 3 years ago

Hey!

I mean, I wouldn’t say find another uni, that to me would add even more pressure. What you need to do is set yourself boundaries and try and stick with them. I saw you just said you feel like it’s impossible to leave the relationship, nothing is impossible. Our own minds stop us from doing everything.

Can I just say I’ve just finished university, I’m a mature student and I hardly made any friends whilst I was there. I used to think, ‘what’s wrong with me?’. What was wrong was that I never put myself out there and never tried and now I wish I had! I didn’t get involved in any societies, didn’t take part in any extracurricular activities and basically did not make the most of my university life.

If I was you, find something over the summer you really enjoy. Go to a starters sessions of something and put yourself out there. What’s the worst that could possibly happen? I have had severe anxiety for several years and the thing I’ve found helps overcome it, was doing thing I felt were uncomfortable and things I was anxious of doing. The only person that knows how anxious or how uncomfortable you feel is yourself, no one else can see that and so a lot of us are actually feeling the same, we just have to learn to break that barrier and get out and meet others. We didn’t care when we were kids, we would literally run over to any random person and ask what their name was lol! We need to adapt to that way of life again and basically not given a ****!!

If you find a hobby or something else to pass your time, the gym, an arts class, volunteering… anything. You will meet like minded people and eventually start to get out more and spend time with other people than your partner. Sometimes relationships become toxic because we live and die in each others pockets and forget what we actually want in life and our own own wants a needs to the side!

Make time for you! You can literally do anything you set your mind too. I mean, your studying at uni so that shows your character and how much drive you actually have!

Thank you, this is helpful I’ve thought of so many options. Taking a year out has been on my mind for a while, and I would work for the next year…but I don’t know. I’m so indecisive :/ I didn’t actually state I find it impossible to get out of my relationship, but you are right! I do! There are many problems, but I can’t seem to escape. I would be around them at uni.

I’m not making the most of my university life either. I live at home and I barely talk to anyone. My grades and stuff aren’t as good as I want either, because I’ve been so unmotivated.

I have been wanting to join the gym again actually and I plan on doing so actually. I’ve become quite unhappy with my appearance and how I feel, because I haven’t been looking after myself very well. I used to like sports and stuff and a few months ago I was exercising a few times a week. That’s very true 😅

I know my relationship isn’t working, and to be honest it really hasn’t worked the whole time. However he is with me all the time at my parents house and it’s really difficult. There are many problems.

Thank you for this long message, it has been really useful!

Ahh I’m soo glad you found my message useful!

As you are in final year, this is your year now to work on your and what you want. You have another year now to make the most of uni. I have lived at my families home with two relationships when I was younger and seriously I wouldn’t recommend it. You obviously know how that feels too.

It sounds like you know what you want and need and that’s great to be self aware. Start taking little steps now to get back to you. Don’t be afraid to tell your partner how you feel too, they may feel the same or may want some space of their own. They might not but then that’s you being truthful and honest and they have to respect you for that.

just don’t waste time, make the most of now and get planning your future. Have things to look forwards to and stay motivated 😊

You can do it!