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How attraction works for women

Is it true that if a girl hasn’t disqualified a guy because he’s not her type or because he doesn’t like something about his personality, it could be because he doesn’t know how to create sexual tension and make her feel desired? And so she just feels emotional chemistry but no sexual chemistry leading to her just wanting to be friends?

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It just depends, sometimes you have a friend whom you want to have a sexual relationship with but not a romantic one. So technically no.
Too many PUA books. If she's attracted to a guy she'll make excuses for his lack of skillz. You can repulse a woman, but you probably can't create attraction when she otherwise would be totally uninterested.
Reply 3
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Original post by chlamydia9000
Too many PUA books. If she's attracted to a guy she'll make excuses for his lack of skillz. You can repulse a woman, but you probably can't create attraction when she otherwise would be totally uninterested.

Then he’s not her type. That was one of the things I mentioned.
Reply 4
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Original post by Anonymous
It just depends, sometimes you have a friend whom you want to have a sexual relationship with but not a romantic one. So technically no.

Then he has personality traits which you wouldn’t want in a long term partner but he’s your type for having a sexual relationship with and he creates sexual tension?
Original post by Anonymous
Then he has personality traits which you wouldn’t want in a long term partner but he’s your type for having a sexual relationship with and he creates sexual tension?

Well now that I think of it, yes that’s true. Honestly sometimes even if you love someone, you just can’t love them, like that!
Reply 6
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Original post by Anonymous
Well now that I think of it, yes that’s true. Honestly sometimes even if you love someone, you just can’t love them, like that!

Interesting. I didn’t get this from PUA books. I’m basing it on scientific papers I’ve read. Basically it seems for a long term relationship to happen (looking purely from the woman’s side and assuming the guy is interested) - 1- the guy has to be her type, 2 - she has to want to be in a relationship at the time, 3 - she has to like his personality and have an emotional connection and 4- he has to be able to create sexual tension and make her feel desired without being too pushy or needy.
Original post by Anonymous
Then he’s not her type. That was one of the things I mentioned.

Yeah I slightly misread the question. Too long sentences. I suppose if he can't create sexual tension he'd be showing a lack of confidence which seems to be a turn-off, relegating him to the friendzone. This would only apply if the attraction is borderline though.
Original post by Anonymous
Interesting. I didn’t get this from PUA books. I’m basing it on scientific papers I’ve read. Basically it seems for a long term relationship to happen (looking purely from the woman’s side and assuming the guy is interested) - 1- the guy has to be her type, 2 - she has to want to be in a relationship at the time, 3 - she has to like his personality and have an emotional connection and 4- he has to be able to create sexual tension and make her feel desired without being too pushy or needy.


Oh wow, I’ve never thought of it as such. It all seems true. However sometimes there can be a mixture, like I mentioned before.
Can I ask why you’re doing this research? And not just going for what you want?
Original post by chlamydia9000
Yeah I slightly misread the question. Too long sentences. I suppose if he can't create sexual tension he'd be showing a lack of confidence which seems to be a turn-off, relegating him to the friendzone. This would only apply if the attraction is borderline though.


Not always a turn off. Submissive guys are cute.
Original post by Anonymous
Not always a turn off. Submissive guys are cute.

Maybe sometimes, but when I turned off the ultra-arrogant persona the women usually scarpered.
Original post by chlamydia9000
Maybe sometimes, but when I turned off the ultra-arrogant persona the women usually scarpered.

Well we’re all different I guess
Original post by Anonymous
Oh wow, I’ve never thought of it as such. It all seems true. However sometimes there can be a mixture, like I mentioned before.
Can I ask why you’re doing this research? And not just going for what you want?

It’s just how my mind works. And I’m curious.
Original post by Anonymous
It’s just how my mind works. And I’m curious.


Fair enough.
Original post by chlamydia9000
Yeah I slightly misread the question. Too long sentences. I suppose if he can't create sexual tension he'd be showing a lack of confidence which seems to be a turn-off, relegating him to the friendzone. This would only apply if the attraction is borderline though.

Well yes there would be variations as of course this oversimplified study assumes that all people and interactions are homogenous, which of course they are not.
Original post by chlamydia9000
Maybe sometimes, but when I turned off the ultra-arrogant persona the women usually scarpered.

I’m sure it depends on the woman. And also what works for one guy might not work for another. There’s probably so many variables in this. It probably is also true that it’s generally easier for someone who is very good looking. But that in itself is probably more complicated than what people think. It’s probably partly that good looks attracts more women faster but also that good looks might have given a guy more confidence over his lifespan. And confidence also helps.
Reply 16
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Bowlol
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Original post by Anonymous
Is it true that if a girl hasn’t disqualified a guy because he’s not her type or because he doesn’t like something about his personality, it could be because he doesn’t know how to create sexual tension and make her feel desired? And so she just feels emotional chemistry but no sexual chemistry leading to her just wanting to be friends?


I don't think women disqualify someone just because their not their "type" however having initial attraction can be good for example even if a girl was closer to my height so lets say she is 6 foot it might make me feel a bit attracted on first contact however emotional chemistry can occur no matter if you fit her type or not
Original post by Bowlol
I don't think women disqualify someone just because their not their "type" however having initial attraction can be good for example even if a girl was closer to my height so lets say she is 6 foot it might make me feel a bit attracted on first contact however emotional chemistry can occur no matter if you fit her type or not

She might compromise on it depending on other factors but I think on the whole if a girl has a rigid type, she won’t compromise unless he’s exceptionally good in another way. Emotional chemistry on its own just leads to friendship.
Original post by chlamydia9000
Too many PUA books. If she's attracted to a guy she'll make excuses for his lack of skillz. You can repulse a woman, but you probably can't create attraction when she otherwise would be totally uninterested.

I think some PUA techniques can make it more likely for a guy to be able to attract a girl by improving the bit within his control. But obviously it’s not guaranteed as there are plenty of factors not within his control and also some PUAs are morally questionable.
Original post by Anonymous
Interesting. I didn’t get this from PUA books. I’m basing it on scientific papers I’ve read. Basically it seems for a long term relationship to happen (looking purely from the woman’s side and assuming the guy is interested) - 1- the guy has to be her type, 2 - she has to want to be in a relationship at the time, 3 - she has to like his personality and have an emotional connection and 4- he has to be able to create sexual tension and make her feel desired without being too pushy or needy.

"Never" and "always" and "has to" should not be applied to dating. People are too complex for that and there are too many people in this world to always or never conform.

There's quite a lot of randomness to it. Along with certain principles. Same as there's randomness and skill in any marketing and sales situation.

As a general guideline, women are attracted to strength in men. Emotional and mental strength - a lot more so than physical strength. Or the ability to beat up every man in the room strength. To the point where a man can be physically as weak as a kitten and still be very successful with women if he has emotional and mental strength.

Being her type? Not important. Most women have a range of types. Or will make exceptions in the right scenario. Or their type is simply an emotionally and mentally strong man.

Wanting to be in a relationship? Not necessary. The flames of love can be ignited when women least expect it, or are least ready for it. Although a woman that has previously been in a relationship that is out of one for a while may well tend to get strong urges to be with man.

Liking his personality and making a connection? She's significantly more likely to do this if he's mentally and emotionally strong.

Sexual tension without being pushy and needy. These are just signs of mental and emotional strength from the man.

There are men that are good at faking emotional and mental strength. EG men with a lot of initial charisma. When they lack true emotional and mental strength they tend to get found out as the honeymoon phase wears off. These are the sort of men that may get a high quantity of women, but their relationships don't tend to stick.

There's also men that are not so good at the initial attraction bit. But they are mentally and emotionally strong - enough. These are the sort of men that may not have the quantity of women, but when they do get into a relationship, the women generally don't want to leave them.

Also, no man's perfect. And no woman's perfect. And no relationship is perfect.

For the opening post, yes there are a lot of men that when they break the ice with women, or have women in their social circle, they will have conversations to nowhere. Conversations where they ask job interview questions. Conversations where they speak just like every other guy.
EG What do you do for a living?
I'm an accountant.
That's nice. Where do you work?
KPMG
How long you been there for?
= boring boring boring

What do you for a living?
I'm an accountant
(Closes eyes and makes exagerated snoring noises) Oh sorry, accountants have that effect on me
Ha ha or I'm not boring
So what's the naughtiest thing you've ever done?
Err...
And if you tell me that you cheated on a maths exam in Year 9 I'm going to walk away from you.
= a bit more fun

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