I’ve been trapped at home for almost 10 months just me and my dad. He was away commuting to work when I was growing up, I would see him half an hour a weekday at bedtime if I was lucky, and he just gamed on his phone at the weekend so I didn’t see him much.
Due to Covid he has been working from home on the only family computer in the only room that is for the family (small house problems) from 9-6 every day since March 2020. I am really close to my mum so it was okay when she was working from home and I was preparing for uni.
I had problems at uni and took a gap year and my mum had to go back to work so it’s been me and him every day for 10 months. My dad has not and will not be back at work probably full time ever, and will be WFH for like another year.
I can’t keep doing this. Is he a very ignorant person, won’t give answers to any question you ask even if it’s just ‘do you want me to buy you lunch’. He has constant work calls even when he’s finished work he does them anyways though they’re not urgent and his company told him not to take them he still does so I have to stop whatever I’m doing to not make a noise. If I even breathe too loud he will shout at me. When is isn’t on a work call he is talking to himself and doesn’t ever take a lunch break or leave the house so I don’t get a break unless I go out.
I’m living in my room and the local high street to get away. If he does talk to me it’s always rude and angry, like he doesn’t even like me. I don’t think he does. And I don’t like him. He doesn’t do anything so I have to do the house chores for myself and him and I often can’t get it all done so then my mum gets depressed as she feels like she has to do everything and I don’t want her to feel this way.
He’s inappropriate and rude in public too, and at home lifts his shirt up to rub his stomach at random times, doesn’t wear underwear and wears baggy hole ridden clothes so I’m often seeing his buttcrack when he bends over. He will make messes around the house then deny making them so I have to clean them up or get in trouble. It’s like he’s unable to do anything or say anything nice to me. My mum is mad at him sometimes but they get on well.
I feel like things are harder when I’m around. Being around my dad makes me want to self harm and even die, but I love my mum so much and if she sees I’ve hurt myself she gets upset and I don’t like making her upset. I go to uni soon but she wants me to visit like every other week and even that feels like too much being around him. They get on well when I’m not around and I wonder if I’m the problem. If I make this bad situation and if they’d be happier if I went to uni and never came home. I’m going crazy and want to die and I don’t know what to do and I have no one in my life to tell this to. I don’t even know if this post makes sense, I just need advice.