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I lied to my boyfriend about my past

Hi guys,

I am so confused. At the early beginning of my relationship I lied to my boyfriend.

I pretended to have had a child with my ex. In fact I had an abortion but didn't want to say the truth so I pretended that my child died in a crash.

I know it's really bad, I want to say the truth to my boyfriend but don't know how to introduce it.
Now I am pregnant, I am scared to lose the baby and my boyfriend doesn't understand why I am so scared.

What can I do?

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Original post by Anonymous
Hi guys,

I am so confused. At the early beginning of my relationship I lied to my boyfriend.

I pretended to have had a child with my ex. In fact I had an abortion but didn't want to say the truth so I pretended that my child died in a crash.

I know it's really bad, I want to say the truth to my boyfriend but don't know how to introduce it.
Now I am pregnant, I am scared to lose the baby and my boyfriend doesn't understand why I am so scared.

What can I do?

Did you lie that the child was born and then died? Has he every asked to see any pictures of your 'child?'. I think it's potentially very bad to continue with this lie, the longer you leave it, the worse it will be if/when the truth comes out. You are best explaining the truth calmly and explaining why you lied. It's going to be harder to keep it going if you're with him for years to come. Good luck with it all!
im sorry but why didnt you want your bf knowing you aborted your child? instead you said they died in a crash wtf
Reply 3
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Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by hey yall
im sorry but why didnt you want your bf knowing you aborted your child? instead you said they died in a crash wtf

My boyfriend is against abortion. I know it was stupid because I could just hide my previous pregnancy but I don't know why I chose to lie
Original post by Anonymous
My boyfriend is against abortion. I know it was stupid because I could just hide my previous pregnancy but I don't know why I chose to lie

if you told him what do you think would happen
Reply 5
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Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by BurstingBubbles
Did you lie that the child was born and then died? Has he every asked to see any pictures of your 'child?'. I think it's potentially very bad to continue with this lie, the longer you leave it, the worse it will be if/when the truth comes out. You are best explaining the truth calmly and explaining why you lied. It's going to be harder to keep it going if you're with him for years to come. Good luck with it all!

Yes I lied the child was born then died. He saw pictures with my niece but he thinks that my niece was my baby.
Original post by Anonymous
Yes I lied the child was born then died. He saw pictures with my niece but he thinks that my niece was my baby.

Assuming that your niece is still alive, if you continue this relationship with him isn't he going to find out that the photos are of your niece? How long have you been together?
Reply 7
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Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by hey yall
if you told him what do you think would happen

He would become violent and probably leave
Original post by Anonymous
He would become violent and probably leave

If he would become violent then surely you are best not being with him? Please seek help if he becomes violent (in general, not just if you mention the abortion) e.g. by calling 999. Violence is never okay.
Reply 9
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Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by BurstingBubbles
Assuming that your niece is still alive, if you continue this relationship with him isn't he going to find out that the photos are of your niece? How long have you been together?

I don't want to continue with this lie. I am just scared about how he will react.
We've been together since a year and I am 4 weeks pregnant.
look he shouldnt hurt you if he truly loved you no matter whether you aborted a child or not
if you dont wanna leave him or keep lying then say it was a miscarriage ig
Original post by Anonymous
I don't want to continue with this lie. I am just scared about how he will react.
We've been together since a year and I am 4 weeks pregnant.

Have you spoken to a family member/close friend about this? Maybe they can be nearby if/when you tell him to make sure you're safe. Hopefully he reacts relatively calmly, he has no right to be aggressive or violent.
Original post by hey yall
look he shouldnt hurt you if he truly loved you no matter whether you aborted a child or not
if you dont wanna leave him or keep lying then say it was a miscarriage ig

I don't think changing the lie and continuing to lie is going to help here - OP will still have to carry the burden of a lie and may still get found out.
Original post by BurstingBubbles
I don't think changing the lie and continuing to lie is going to help here - OP will still have to carry the burden of a lie and may still get found out.

yh true but ig its a better lie??
oh wtf am i saying just tell him op if he hurts you hes not the one
Ignoring the fact that you shouldn't lie about this, the lie you did say was not the best one in your situation. You could have said that you miscarried the baby or could've even been vague and said you lost the baby before it was born. That way you wouldn't have had to bring your niece into it.
In my opinion, if he tends to get very violent about anything and takes it out on you, you should reconsider your relationship with him.
Original post by BurstingBubbles
If he would become violent then surely you are best not being with him? Please seek help if he becomes violent (in general, not just if you mention the abortion) e.g. by calling 999. Violence is never okay.

To be honest I know I shouldn't stay with but when I want to leave him he keeps saying that I am crazy. ( In fact my pregnancy just makes me anxious and emotional ). He says that if I leave him he will ask the custody of my baby after its birth because I ma crazy. So if we add the lie to the story I don't dare to leave.
Why did you choose to have a baby with a violent man? Everything about the situation is bizarre.
Original post by Anonymous
To be honest I know I shouldn't stay with but when I want to leave him he keeps saying that I am crazy. ( In fact my pregnancy just makes me anxious and emotional ). He says that if I leave him he will ask the custody of my baby after its birth because I ma crazy. So if we add the lie to the story I don't dare to leave.

Well he's gaslighting you and being manipulative. It's very unlikely that he would get (full) custody to be honest and I think he's using that as a way to scare you - again, him being manipulative. For a child to be taken from their mother, the mother would need to have significant mental health difficulties to the point it was a risk to the child and/or mother's own safety. Honestly he sounds awful - is this really the sort of person you want to be with? :s-smilie:
You have dug yourself into a very deep hole with lies.
Any attempts to tell the truth now are most likely to backfire and only have the effect of leading to a confrontation with your bf that will risk your physical safety or ruin your relationship.

Trust your gut instinct and use your common sense. :smile:
Remember that it is your choice whether you want to tell him anything about your past or choose to have a child with him.
I do understand the practical realities of life when closely involved with people with a very harsh attitude against abortion.
I've dated guys with those beliefs, my mother & maternal grandmother used to take me to abortion protests as a very young child and I have a few friends who support the militant anti-abortion groups that want almost all abortion to be outlawed.
I know the tactics that they use to maintain control & try to convert others to share their beliefs, why they use them and the frequent tendency to resort to verbal abuse or nasty threats.
Original post by Anonymous
He would become violent and probably leave


Your past is your last and it should have no effect on your future if your boyfriend was a reasonable man
If you know he can be violent do you think that is a healthy environment for yourself and your child ?
It will end badly
Get out of there pronto

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