ex sent me hundreds of pounds to hear him out???????help

please can I get advice. I have no friends or no one I can turn to for help. and I'm embarrassed to tell people anything about how I feel.

my bf disrespected me with another girl.(no physical sex that I know of but I wouldn't be surprised, a girl that liked him he took her out for her birthday spent money on her did stuff and he barely knows her, she sent him multiple green lights I didn't like it or appreciate it and he should of put her in his place as a man In a committed relationship but he didn't we had many convos about it and he would reassure me but then he did this. I snooped around and found it out then broke up with him the day it happened and cut contact , blocked him off everywhere and did the no contact rule so I can get over him. he called me on private number I didn't answer a week after then a month goes by and he calls multiple times.

I then answer we speak, he obviously apologises ,regrets everything. I say we are never getting back and we speak for hours. he's been calling me none stop for 2 weeks I pick up sometimes however I cannot be in a relationship with a man that hurt me. anyways a week ago he told me to unblock him at least I said ill think about it. we spoke yesterday for 6 hours, he said he was suffering with guilt of what he did etc and if I can unblock him. he said cheeky that he would get me a gift if I did ( he knows I love gifts) I laughed and said what gift but then I said no anyways he spoke more and I unblocked him and he sent me £500 to my account to buy myself something. ( I think its all the guilt )

anyways , its made me get a headache that unblocked him and now he has access to me and can send me messages.

he said multiple times he don't want bad blood with me because everything we been through, he doesn't want me to hate him ( because I said I do), he wants me to forgive him. he said to allow him to prove himself so I can forgive him for what he did. he wants to make it up to me , I said straight away there's no point in that because I will never get back In a relationship with him. he said if we don't get into a relationship he's fine with that ( but I don't think he is) he said he's not letting me go I didn't say anything.

DID I MAKE A CIVIL DECISION BY UNBLOCKING HIM? (BTW I do think the 30 day no contact helped me a lot because I feel stronger and like I'm getting over him ) however now he's unblocking and calling and messaging me and has access to me will this interfere in my healing process. I did tell him I don't want his phonecalls to be a frequent thing!

I want him to still feel guilty for what he did but did unblocking him make him happy and not feel guilty anymore?
I'm stressed out because now I unblocked him he's going to try everyday to get me back , I don't want to get back with him because he hurt me. as much as I love him I can't put myself in this position again with another man. I've done it in the past with other men.

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Reply 1

Anonymous #1

btw his birthday was a couple days ago he begged me to meet him. I said no. I didn't even say happy birthday I told him I don't care about his birthday. even though I wanted to book us a holiday for his birthday before this happened. Submit reply

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

I know right. I do need the money though. also he was suppose to buy me a gift for my mums one year death anniversary so he said I should buy it with that.....

please could you give me advice ? did I do the wrong thing by unblocking him? will this interfere in my healing although I feel strong after 6 weeks? I've told him I dont want a relationship with him he hurt me but he said he's still going to try to fix everything. am I wrong please x

Reply 3

username5326522

I don't know why you're complaining. Spending 6 hours with him, you clearly don't care as much as you're saying. Why would you speak to someone for that long after they hurt you? I think you low-key like the chase

(edited 2 years ago)

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

You can send me a cheque for it while you figure things out hun

Reply 5

jamie_mwl

ask for more and more money and then block him once you're had enough. that would be the boss move although it sounds like you want him back tbh (6 hours for a guy you "hate"?!?!)

A gift? Really?

Original post by Moonlight Rain

if I'm going to be honest. I do like the chase. do you know how good it feels when someone has hurt you so badly, ruined your self confidence and betrayed you begs for you, pleas for you to forgive them and shows their remorse? in no way am I leading him on as that would not be a nice thing to do I've told him ill never get back with him, because I unblocked him I think he thinks he has a chance now , although I always say we won't get together again you betrayed me. in all honesty if he never called me I wouldn't care. although I still have love for him I have self respect and I don't trust an inch of him. btw we spent 6 hours speaking about everything that happened not 6 hours speaking about normal things.

do you think it was wrong of me to unblock him after a month ignoring him?

I would appreciate your advice xx

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Original post by jamie_mwl

ask for more and more money and then block him once you're had enough. that would be the boss move although it sounds like you want him back tbh (6 hours for a guy you "hate"?!?!)

btw we spent 6 hours speaking about everything that happened not 6 hours speaking about normal things. I hate him for what he has done to me. I still have love for him because love don't go like that. but its defiantly not strong.

wow is that what you think I should do . 2 of my friends said that to, they said I deserve it. he messaged me today saying hey babes and called me. he always calls me that or baby but I just feel like suffocated this is why I didn't want to unblock him. but I did after a month of no contact and ignoring him. he asked to be blocked more than a week ago I said ill think about it then I did. I've told him multiple times I don't want to be with you because you hurt me , he said at least allow me to try fix things so you can forgive me. I think he wants forgiveness more than anything because he feels super guilty.

Reply 9

ReadingMum

he is trying to buy forgiveness. Return the money - keeping it is definitely leading him on. You do not 'deserve the money' regardless of his behaviour.
How does being in contact with him enhance your life? If not at all then block him again. By giving him so much of your time you are certainly giving mixed signals.
He cheated and you say you can't be with someone who does that so a clean break would be much better for you.

Reply 10

Stevie_Ggg

Honestly, milk as much money from him as you can. Make him make it up to you. Then don’t get back with him.
That’s what I would do to get revenge on him for hurting your feelings.

Reply 11

username5326522

Original post by Anonymous

I can understand that. I'd prefer someone persist in begging for my forgiveness than not apologise at all. It does help with the pain/trauma.

I think you just need to stay away from him. You're wasting your time and his. You shouldn't have unblocked him but I get it, I've done it before as I was curious but it literally never ends well. That person has treated you really badly, you don't deserve that. You deserve the best. Don't settle for garbage

Reply 12

HorribleHatty

Return the money, put him back on block. You’re not an object to be bought and sold.

Reply 13

username5706823

£500? jesus christ!! now that's insane

Reply 14

anosmianAcrimony

If I were you, I'd make a charitable donation of the money - preferably to a cause that you support but which he does not. Then block him on every platform, and change your phone number and tell everyone in your life except him (and people connected to him) so he can't get at you through withheld numbers. There is no way you will be able to move on and have a healthy and happy romantic life while you are still in contact with him.

It was disrespectful of him to call you on a withheld number in the first place. If you wanted to talk to him, you wouldn't have blocked him; he disregarded your obvious wishes.

(edited 2 years ago)

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

Original post by Stevie_Ggg

Honestly, milk as much money from him as you can. Make him make it up to you. Then don’t get back with him.
That’s what I would do to get revenge on him for hurting your feelings.

is this what you would do. I was thinking of it too because some of my friends said I should. yeah he said he wants to make it up to me but I don't want him constantly calling me and messaging me. he said he will try everything to make it up to me. do I need to do anything? when he calls should I return his calls or wait for him to call back? also ill have to be on good terms with him and I don't want to yuck.

i'll never get back with him and I've told him but I think he slightly thinks I will.
do you think ill get karma?
do you think I can heal while doing this?

also if you don't mind me asking, how old are you? have you been through anything similar

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

Original post by Moonlight Rain

yeah it is helping me . do you think I can heal while he's there contacting me. in all honesty I'm not sure if I'm healed I think the pain will always be there but I'm much stronger to know ill never go back no matter how much I want the relationship back.

I don't want to lead him on and I told him I don't want a relationship with him after the hurt he caused but yeah I think he still thinks he has a chance. he messaged me today hey babes how are you as he always calls me that but I didn't reply and he called me but I haven't called back. should I wait for him to?

how do you think it will end? i really want him to feel guilt for a long time because I did a lot for him in the past and I was the only real person he had in his life which he even admitted. but I think me being nice and civil he might get excited.

I'm just so head****ed

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

Original post by ReadingMum

ived said to him I don't want to give mixed signals because I don't want to ever be with you again so how could I be leading him on? I've told him multiple times and he still is persistent. how much is so much of my time ? I want to minimalise it as much as possible. I unblocked him out of politeness and I felt like I was strong enough after a month which I defiantly am but now this is messy. I've told him don't contact me everyday etc but yeah. he said he wants me to forgive him at least. I said I probably will never and he said at least allow him to try I said there's no point but yeah.

Reply 18

Anonymous #1

Original post by Stevie_Ggg

Honestly, milk as much money from him as you can. Make him make it up to you. Then don’t get back with him.
That’s what I would do to get revenge on him for hurting your feelings.

how do I do this when I don't want to ever meet up with him. I don't want to pick up his calls lol. do I just have to fake it?

Reply 19

username5326522

Original post by Anonymous

The only thing you need to do is block him and get therapy for your healing. He doesn't even respect you enough to leave you alone to heal but spending 6 whole hours on the phone will obviously make him think there's a chance you'd come back to him. You're giving him so much of your attention so I don't blame him for messaging you still and calling you baby. You're not making this easy for yourself. You need to let go.