Thinking of leaving uni

So I started uni a week ago and it’s now freshers week. I don’t expect to settle in straight away but I am feeling so homesick it’s unreal. I live so far away from my uni (200+ miles away so over 4 hours of driving) so getting home isn’t easy. I miss my family and my boyfriend, who is also back at home (he lives around an hour away from my house).

The first night of uni I had a huge argument with my boyfriend on the phone and he told me that this would just not work whilst I’m so far away. We’ve spoken about it a lot since then and it’s still difficult, we’re currently on a break but I just know it won’t work out properly at this distance because he’ll be worried sick about me. We both love each other to bits but this situation is just horrible.

This isn’t the only reason I’m thinking of leaving uni though, I miss my family endlessly and I don’t really get along with my flatmates. I tend to enjoy my own company so that can cause me to isolate myself a bit and I haven’t really found any good friends. Everyone is going out every night which I enjoyed at first but now I’m sick of it. There’s noise every night and I can’t sleep or eat because I feel so down.

I’ve always been quite book smart so uni is always something I just assumed I’d do. I still haven’t decided if I want to go to uni later on, or if I’ll look for an apprenticeship in something else, perhaps veterinary nursing. I can still apply for uni next year, just one that is a lot closer to home so that I feel comfortable.

If I come home I can take the year out, look for a job and spend time with my family. I’ll have a boyfriend who will always be there for me along with my friends. I just feel like I might not be ready for uni yet, I’m really struggling. There are other options that will make me happy e.g. the apprenticeship. I don’t want to go out and party every night. I want to come home to my family and my boyfriend, every night I’ve just spent crying because I want to go home so badly.

If anyone could offer some advice I’d be so grateful <3

hey! i don't think ur bf should consider taking a break with you because of the fact that you've become long distanced. I think you should look into an apprenticeship and possibly look into a university closer to your home. Don't forget that you have an end goal you want to achieve, and like you said, you are quite book smart. I would advice you to either take a gap year and fully understand what you want in life and what possible ways you can achieve that without being upset. You could still go back to visit your family during the holidays if that's possible if you did decide to stay in uni. Your feelings are valid because staying away from home and leaving your life behind all of a sudden can have a harsh impact. Wish u the best of luck regardless of what way u choose out of this situation!

Okay advice from a third year seriously considering dropping out too here, would be stick it out this semester or till December. Remember any overpayment in student finance has to be paid back now so that's a consideration and by December you will either have your grounding or not. It is best to make this choice by the end of your first year to entitle you to another course if needed in the future. Dropping out in December will avoid a massive overpayment, give you time to find your feet, time to experience coursework and exams and assessment methods and cancel any future payments. However, if your mental health is really bad don't be scared to drop out now either. I spent the first two years lying to myself that I love my course and am happy now Im unmotivated and crying every night. There's no shame in doing what's right for you!

Ahh I’m so sorry to hear this. I’m scared of this too, if I decide to stay I’ll lose my boyfriend and there’s a possibility that I could regret that if I then end up regretting staying at uni too, when I could just take a year out and decide properly what I want.

The way I’m trying to look at it is that I’m not giving up on the concept of uni, just this uni that I’m at. I didn’t do enough research and definitely rushed into it because I felt left out. After going through all of this I’ve kind of realised that life isn’t all about working hard, I have to be happy with my life too and I just know these next 3 years will be very tough. As you said I have to do what’s right and I need to put my mental health first, and if I drop out now I have a year to surround myself with people who love me.

im not sure I’ll be able to wait until the end of first year. I’ve researched a bit and read the same thing about needing to pay back student finance and stuff, which is tricky but also I feel like I need to do what’s right for me rn. I’d rather have a bit of financial stress which my family can help me through rather than be stuck on my own feeling depressed and alone.

thank you for taking the time to give me advice, and I really hope things work out for you too <3

Thank you for this. Me and my boyfriend were long distance before this, but it wasn’t half as bad. We both know that if I stay we will have to break up as he’s struggling a lot to cope. We both love each other so much but we’d have to say goodbye for now which would absolutely ruin me :/

As you said I still want to have a goal in life, whether that’s an apprenticeship or uni. The scary thing is I feel like I’ll probably end up doing an apprenticeship anyway after I finish at this uni, then I’d have lost someone I love and been away from my family for 3 years when I could’ve just done the apprenticeship/moved unis from the start!

Thanks so much again for taking the time to give advice

So I started uni a week ago and it’s now freshers week. I don’t expect to settle in straight away but I am feeling so homesick it’s unreal. I live so far away from my uni (200+ miles away so over 4 hours of driving) so getting home isn’t easy. I miss my family and my boyfriend, who is also back at home (he lives around an hour away from my house).

The first night of uni I had a huge argument with my boyfriend on the phone and he told me that this would just not work whilst I’m so far away. We’ve spoken about it a lot since then and it’s still difficult, we’re currently on a break but I just know it won’t work out properly at this distance because he’ll be worried sick about me. We both love each other to bits but this situation is just horrible.

This isn’t the only reason I’m thinking of leaving uni though, I miss my family endlessly and I don’t really get along with my flatmates. I tend to enjoy my own company so that can cause me to isolate myself a bit and I haven’t really found any good friends. Everyone is going out every night which I enjoyed at first but now I’m sick of it. There’s noise every night and I can’t sleep or eat because I feel so down.

I’ve always been quite book smart so uni is always something I just assumed I’d do. I still haven’t decided if I want to go to uni later on, or if I’ll look for an apprenticeship in something else, perhaps veterinary nursing. I can still apply for uni next year, just one that is a lot closer to home so that I feel comfortable.

If I come home I can take the year out, look for a job and spend time with my family. I’ll have a boyfriend who will always be there for me along with my friends. I just feel like I might not be ready for uni yet, I’m really struggling. There are other options that will make me happy e.g. the apprenticeship. I don’t want to go out and party every night. I want to come home to my family and my boyfriend, every night I’ve just spent crying because I want to go home so badly.

If anyone could offer some advice I’d be so grateful <3

So I started uni a week ago and it’s now freshers week. I don’t expect to settle in straight away but I am feeling so homesick it’s unreal. I live so far away from my uni (200+ miles away so over 4 hours of driving) so getting home isn’t easy. I miss my family and my boyfriend, who is also back at home (he lives around an hour away from my house).

The first night of uni I had a huge argument with my boyfriend on the phone and he told me that this would just not work whilst I’m so far away. We’ve spoken about it a lot since then and it’s still difficult, we’re currently on a break but I just know it won’t work out properly at this distance because he’ll be worried sick about me. We both love each other to bits but this situation is just horrible.

This isn’t the only reason I’m thinking of leaving uni though, I miss my family endlessly and I don’t really get along with my flatmates. I tend to enjoy my own company so that can cause me to isolate myself a bit and I haven’t really found any good friends. Everyone is going out every night which I enjoyed at first but now I’m sick of it. There’s noise every night and I can’t sleep or eat because I feel so down.

I’ve always been quite book smart so uni is always something I just assumed I’d do. I still haven’t decided if I want to go to uni later on, or if I’ll look for an apprenticeship in something else, perhaps veterinary nursing. I can still apply for uni next year, just one that is a lot closer to home so that I feel comfortable.

If I come home I can take the year out, look for a job and spend time with my family. I’ll have a boyfriend who will always be there for me along with my friends. I just feel like I might not be ready for uni yet, I’m really struggling. There are other options that will make me happy e.g. the apprenticeship. I don’t want to go out and party every night. I want to come home to my family and my boyfriend, every night I’ve just spent crying because I want to go home so badly.

If anyone could offer some advice I’d be so grateful <3

Leave. Im doing a year abroad online (Chinese). I get far more chinese teaching hours from my chinese uni and it is much better quality. And yet Unis in this country have (according to LBC i forget what they sourced) the highest fees for any publicly funded uni in the world

Aw, I feel for you. You seem so far away from your support network that it's impacting you already! I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way. Starting uni far away, not getting along with your flatmates, isolating yourself and not really enjoying your uni experience feels like you're being drawn towards moving back home.

Considering the unhappiness you feel, it seems the likely option is to take a year out and figure out what you really want to. As you say, taking the year will give you the opportunity to find employment and spend time with people you care about whilst having a support system to fall back on.

You don't need to have it figured out right now and if it means dropping out of uni to find what works for you, you do that. There isn't stopping you right now from moving back home and finding things your own way.

Alternatively, you can spend a bit more time at uni and explore societies, getting out and about the uni, campus, town, city etc. and see how you feel. Do you enjoy your course? What are you hoping to get out of your studies? Have you come across anyone you want to build a friendship with? I get it's hard being away from home and not being able to see familiarity for a while, and that's just a part of the uni experience and adjusting to the university lifestyle. I wouldn't worry about not getting along with your flatmates but not everyone does. Everyone's put together and the expectation to get along with everyone for the sake of living with each other can be difficult. There are plenty of people and a wide range of diversity at uni that the people you live with are miniscule.

I hope this helps. Chin up!

Veronica
Student Ambassador

Thank you so much for taking to time to give such a detailed reply. I think I’ve made my final decision to leave and perhaps find an apprenticeship, or maybe give uni another shot next year. You’re definitely right in suggesting that I maybe sign up to some clubs/societies and put myself out there, I think that’d definitely help me settle in. However, I feel like I’d still be dissatisfied with my choice to go to uni as I feel so unprepared at the moment. A whole year, or maybe two years if I need it, to decide what I want whilst also having my family/friends around me would really benefit me. Thanks again!!