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I really really need help out of this life with him.

I have just discovered and confirmed that my father is so so so severely and extremely mentally sick. To the point where I don’t know what kind of sickness it is or what’s it called. Today he turned 51 and he’s still the same. He goes to a therapist but it looks like even the therapists are not understanding him. I can’t believe I’m actually venting out on here but this is how lonely I am.
Original post by Anonymous
I have just discovered and confirmed that my father is so so so severely and extremely mentally sick. To the point where I don’t know what kind of sickness it is or what’s it called. Today he turned 51 and he’s still the same. He goes to a therapist but it looks like even the therapists are not understanding him. I can’t believe I’m actually venting out on here but this is how lonely I am.

Sounds like a scary situation, but there is stuff that can be done to help. Depending on exactly what you need, you can get help from an advocacy worker, Young Carers' Project, social services, or peer support. The first step has got to be to share your worries with a responsible adult - maybe another relative or family friends? school counsellor? youth worker? A GP? Basically, whoever you feel you can trust.

Meanwhile, it might help to contact a support group like Young Minds or Childline
https://www.youngminds.org.uk/young-person/your-guide-to-support/reaching-out-for-help/
https://www.childline.org.uk/get-support/1-2-1-counsellor-chat/

Good luck!
(edited 2 years ago)
What is your situation with him, are you too young to move out and start an independent life?
Reply 3
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Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by xxx0xxxo
What is your situation with him, are you too young to move out and start an independent life?

I’m 18 and I think I have made the worst decision - I deferred my place at uni and took a gap year. He’s so hysteric Idk from where to start. He’s a doctor and currently on his annual leave I can’t wait for him to get back to work.
Reply 4
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Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by OxFossil
Sounds like a scary situation, but there is stuff that can be done to help. Depending on exactly what you need, you can get help from an advocacy worker, Young Carers' Project, social services, or peer support. The first step has got to be to share your worries with a responsible adult - maybe another relative or family friends? school counsellor? youth worker? A GP? Basically, whoever you feel you can trust.

Meanwhile, it might help to contact a support group like Young Minds or Childline
https://www.youngminds.org.uk/young-person/your-guide-to-support/reaching-out-for-help/
https://www.childline.org.uk/get-support/1-2-1-counsellor-chat/

Good luck!

Thank you! I registered myself with a GP today. I will book an appointment with therapist soon.
Original post by Anonymous
I’m 18 and I think I have made the worst decision - I deferred my place at uni and took a gap year. He’s so hysteric Idk from where to start. He’s a doctor and currently on his annual leave I can’t wait for him to get back to work.


Have you voiced your concerns to him, his therapist, or anyone else in the family (eg your mother)? If, after you've done this, you remain worried about the safety of anyone (him, you, patients, others), you may need to speak with the local mental health crisis team.
If it's more that you are finding it hard to live with someone with mental health problems, ring the (non-urgent) Mind helpline

This page leads you through various options depending on how urgent the situation is https://www.mind.org.uk/need-urgent-help/using-this-tool
Original post by Anonymous
I’m 18 and I think I have made the worst decision - I deferred my place at uni and took a gap year. He’s so hysteric Idk from where to start. He’s a doctor and currently on his annual leave I can’t wait for him to get back to work.


Did you defer because of your family situation?
Original post by Anonymous
Update: he went with me to register with a GP then he asked me if I am going to see a therapist I told him yes I will try a session out with them. He went so so mad and started threatening me that he will kick me out of the country. Because I think he’s scared I will expose his crazy acts in the house and the NHS will kick him out. This is of course not my intention. I don’t even know if that will actually happen. He’s now going to talk to my grandma in the USA (I’m from the USA) that I should go there and never come back. I know no one asked for an update but this is my life right now. I feel like I should suicide but I know I can never do it.

Is he abusive to you? what is he worried about you 'exposing'? Please remember you have your own future and life, don't let his actions make you feel responsible, you will not be trapped with him forever and are old enough to make your own decisions now. He can't kick you out of the country at 18 it's empty threats he's just trying to scare and control you but it's NOT real.
Reply 8
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Anonymous #1
OP
He’s literally disowning me right now. I’m really really struggling. I’m so sad I’m even on here complaining.
Reply 9
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Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by Anonymous
Is he abusive to you? what is he worried about you 'exposing'? Please remember you have your own future and life, don't let his actions make you feel responsible, you will not be trapped with him forever and are old enough to make your own decisions now. He can't kick you out of the country at 18 it's empty threats he's just trying to scare and control you but it's NOT real.

I can’t do anything. He’s booking my flight.
Original post by Anonymous
I can’t do anything. He’s booking my flight.

So? he can't make you get on a flight and yu need a visa to get into the states and probably loads of covid related paperwork. He's being stupid cause it's not gonna happen. Why do u trust what he says when u know he has issues and cannot think straight? you are letting him have way too much control over you.
Original post by Anonymous
So? he can't make you get on a flight and yu need a visa to get into the states and probably loads of covid related paperwork. He's being stupid cause it's not gonna happen. Why do u trust what he says when u know he has issues and cannot think straight? you are letting him have way too much control over you.

no I have the American passport my grandma lives there. I loved the UK but I can't stay with him anymore. I don't want to see him ever again. he's not a father he's such a maniac literally. maybe this is meant to happen just so I can live freely without him. he told me I have one week till I get out of house. **** him and **** his stupid house.
Original post by Anonymous
no I have the American passport my grandma lives there. I loved the UK but I can't stay with him anymore. I don't want to see him ever again. he's not a father he's such a maniac literally. maybe this is meant to happen just so I can live freely without him. he told me I have one week till I get out of house. **** him and **** his stupid house.

Do you want to go to America? Maybe it will be better than staying with him especially if you have a year of no uni.
Original post by Anonymous
Do you want to go to America? Maybe it will be better than staying with him especially if you have a year of no uni.

yes you’re right. guess what happened now. he forced me to sleep downstairs on the floor till I get out of the house then after a while he comes down and says “I will restart and will pretend that I have forgotten everything happened today” and went up. I was a bit relieved tbh I thought he’s going to abuse me cause he didn’t so far. anyways you see how sick and crazy he is lol?
Original post by Anonymous
yes you’re right. guess what happened now. he forced me to sleep downstairs on the floor till I get out of the house then after a while he comes down and says “I will restart and will pretend that I have forgotten everything happened today” and went up. I was a bit relieved tbh I thought he’s going to abuse me cause he didn’t so far. anyways you see how sick and crazy he is lol?

Yes, you should not have to deal with his extreme personality change and impulsive angry decisions. You will constantly live in anxiety and fear. I'm not sure what you decide t do but as others commented seek support for your situation, it's really not healthy and if you can leave you should seriously consider while you have ur sanity and health. You should not have to sleep on the floor as an adult woman simply because a man says. You r not a piece of dirt.
If you are feeling unsafe at home and he is being abusive, you need to call the police. Is there anyone else at home with you or is it just the two of you?
Original post by Anonymous
If you are feeling unsafe at home and he is being abusive, you need to call the police. Is there anyone else at home with you or is it just the two of you?

he’s not being abusive he knows I would run to the police if he did that’s why he’s being so careful. he keeps on threatening us and say things like you can’t stay here with me anymore. besides the 24/7 criticism. it’s me, mom, and my little brother.
Original post by Anonymous
he’s not being abusive he knows I would run to the police if he did that’s why he’s being so careful. he keeps on threatening us and say things like you can’t stay here with me anymore. besides the 24/7 criticism. it’s me, mom, and my little brother.

That is emotional abuse. What is your mum saying to all of this?
Original post by Anonymous
That is emotional abuse. What is your mum saying to all of this?

she’s on contact with his mom. she says she will do something and come over here to fix things or help her get divorced. she understood that we are struggling over here. so we do have some support from his parents.
Original post by Anonymous
she’s on contact with his mom. she says she will do something and come over here to fix things or help her get divorced. she understood that we are struggling over here. so we do have some support from his parents.

That is reassuring that you are getting support from the rest of the family. If things are getting really rough, would your mum feel comfortable contacting a women's charity for help, or have the means to move out with you and your brother? I'm sorry you are having to go through all of this. I hope your dad is getting help with whatever is going on with his mental health.

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