I KNOW I have BDP (Borderline Personality Disorder) but no one believes me.

From as long as I can remember (3 years old) I have struggled with my mental health with depression and anxiety. I have always felt separated from society and as if everybody knows something which I don’t. My emotions change 100 times a day but they are far more than fleeting emotions; more like eternal truths though they may only last a couple of hours. I can switch between feeling euphoria and dread in the space of a conversation.
As I’ve grown older, I have noticed how much it has affected my ability to maintain and engage in relationships both romantically and with friends. From around 15 I began using alcohol as a way out, even drinking during school. I have self -harmed as well but as a last resort. I have an unhealthy relationship which alcohol which is partly due from seeing that around me when growing up.
I could go on for ages saying how mentally exhausted I feel from simply just surviving and it is affecting my relationship with my girlfriend and I’m so scared to lose her.
I have finally been able to seek help now I have moved out to university (couldn’t at home as sister has clinical depression and I could not place another burden on the family). After trying CBT my therapist suggested that it was not for me as I need counselling first. I have only been allocated 6 counselling sessions and I am about to have my last one, however, I feel 100 times worse than I did when I started and I’m scared that it is going to end and I’ll be left alone. My fear is being told that there is nothing wrong with me and that I have to carry on fending for myself like this. I rung my GP to explain this and he suggested that I’m not mentally ill - just an unsociable person who struggles to connect with people. I have begged both my GP and counsellor to speak to someone about at the very least being assessed. I understand BPD is similar to other mental illnesses, and I understand that I very well may not have BPD, but I know 100% that my brain is not normal. I cried when I discovered BPD because I connected with the symptoms so much. I have finally gone out to seek help, however, I feel so ignored. This is a lot but I had to get it out because I feel as if no one is listening to me and I’m deteriorating so much and I know if I don’t get the proper help then I will end up taking drastic actions later in life but i just want to be happy, please help me.

Reply 1

username4986690

If your GP isn't providing the service you need then change to a different GP.

Reply 2

username4910484

Firstly I understand your need to feel but it’s a gradual thing- it’s not going to happen quickly, therapy or not.

BPD is sometimes viewed as untreatable or not being worth treating (this isn’t true), it is also sometimes viewed as not being a legitimate mental illness (BPD is just a way of describing a ‘bad or difficult person’ or alternatively it’s loosely defined, potentially misogynistic, often vindictive and unscientific, takes the focus away from trauma) and finally some mental health professionals take the view that it isn’t worth diagnosing at all because of diagnostic overshadowing or stigma. None of the view points I describe are mutually exclusive.
I don’t know whether any of this is contributing to your GPs inaction, but either way you DiddyDec has said you need to see a new GP

(edited 2 years ago)

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by username4910484

Yh I understand it will be gradual and I can deal with that so long as I know it’s going in the right direction but right down I’m feeling so ignored and I’m scared that I’m going to be left to deal with this alone forever (even though it’s irrational).

The only problem with switching to another GP is that I will still be referred to the same mental health service as the GP’s here all say they don’t really deal with the mental health side of things, so I need to speak to the therapist that I’m going to need something more than this, especially as it’s the last session that they have scheduled me in for.

BPD?

Original post by Quady

BPD?

Borderline personality disorder

Reply 6

Anonymous #2

Tbh you might wanna consider going private if you have the money, trying to get a MH diagnosis via gp is quite a trek, i can't even get one for a learning disability that has taken over my life

Reply 7

Anonymous #2

Also pls don't panic about people not hearing you out on BPD, you might become paranoid. Diagnosis doesn't define you as a person either and the fact we can google symptoms etc can make some people obsessive so just so u dont suffer so much just focus on staying balanced while you resolve GP issues

Reply 8

Whatdoidoo?

Hiya popped onto this post as I also had similar experiences to you. Don't exactly know how to bring it up to my GP, and also I don't know how rammed adult mental heath services are.

Reply 9

Quady

Original post by Anonymous

Borderline personality disorder

Whats BDP?

Reply 10

black tea

Original post by Quady

Whats BDP?

Try searching on google

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Original post by Whatdoidoo?

Hiya popped onto this post as I also had similar experiences to you. Don't exactly know how to bring it up to my GP, and also I don't know how rammed adult mental heath services are.

To be honest all I did was call my GP literally begging for help after going on about how I’m struggling mentally and then they transferred me to a local mental health service about 3 months later. After a brief assessment I was sent elsewhere to another service for CBT, however, after my first session I was told it wasn’t really for me as I had larger issues so I was allocated 6 counselling sessions instead.

Ofc everyone’s experience is different and there are regional differences too, however, if you are experiencing the same things then expect to have a similar sort of response.

Please give an update on what happens next, we need a thread for people like us !!!

Reply 12

OxFossil

Original post by Anonymous

I used to work in CAMHS, alongside colleagues who did psychotherapy for adults with BPD diagnoses. So I don't really know what I'm talking about, but for what its worth:

- nearly everyone who first presents to a GP with a mental health problem will go through a tiered treatment approach. Often it starts with a short series of counselling sessions (6 is typical) and/or a similarly short series of CBT. Unless you are clearly demonstrating frank psychosis or in imminent danger of causing serious harm to yourself or others, that is where it will stop. Further referral for more specialist help will happen only after further problems - you might even be required to go through a second course of CBT and fail to improve.

- it's really hard to diagnose BDP, and some professionals doubt whether they are even coherent concepts. So its not a surprise that the professionals you have seen so far have not been willing to give you that diagnosis quickly - most of the adults I heard of with BDP diagnoses got them after years of problems, that didnt "fit" with other, more straightforward diagnoses. That doesn't mean you haven't got a BDP, and it certainly doesn't mean your distress isn't real.

- psychotherapeutic models used to treat BDP or BDP-type symptoms include Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) and Schema-focused therapy (SFT). To get DBT or SFT, you would usually have to be diagnosed with a BPD and need a specific referral to secondary care for this therapy. A GP might refer you for this, but they are likely to defer to the specialist who has already seen you within the MH service - GPS are discouraged from diagnosing people with a BPD, as they don't usually have the expertise. So they might request the secondary service to see you again, but it'll be up to the secondary service to decide what to do about that referral.

- meanwhile, there are some self-help manuals and ideas you could consider. They shouldn't do any harm even if it turns out you dont meet the relevant diagnostic criteria. Something like The DBT Skills Workbook might be worth buying - although, ofc, nearly all of these self-help handbooks work 1000 times better if you have a skilled helper to coach you through it

Hope thats of some use

Reply 13

Whatdoidoo?

Original post by Anonymous

Don't really know how to bring this all up to my parents. might pop down to the GP alone as I am old enough to. will tell you how it goes

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

Original post by Whatdoidoo?

Hiya popped onto this post as I also had similar experiences to you. Don't exactly know how to bring it up to my GP, and also I don't know how rammed adult mental heath services are.

It’s hard at first but just tell your GP exactly how your feeling and how it’s impacting your life and they’ll normally just transfer you over to you local mental health service, and they will decide the best service for you e.g. CBT, Counselling etc.

That’s as far as I’m at right now, I’ve currently finished all my counselling and I’m basically a bit lost right now because I’m waiting to see if they extend it for some more sessions but even if they do, counselling hasn’t really helped and I don’t know what to.

The main thing of course is the incessant feeling that there is something else wrong with me and my brain, the way I work (possibly something like BDP). I keep explaining this but I don’t know if I will be transferred anywhere afterwards, I will update you guys on what happens next.