Why won’t girls date boys with learning disabilitys?

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Yes. In a lot of media, awareness about autism is increasing but it's still portrayed in a very stereotypical light. Autistic characters are awkward, dorky and emotionally unintelligent. I understand that those are meant to be people with Aspergers or some other medium-functioning definition of autism, but most people with autism are high functioning and only have trouble socially in their childhood and aren't dorky or awkward in adulthood. As I've said, some with autism are the total opposite of the stereotype and are actually really socially clued up and emotionally intelligent.

Original post by Ki Yung Na

Autism believe it or not, is generally considered to be one because abstract concepts don’t come easily to us. Eg, it requires a good understanding of empathy and perspective taking —- this imo; can be learned but the reality is; most people on the spectrum don’t have the environment or the support to develop this — and even once they do. They will struggle at times because it doesn’t come naturally eg; how to react in a group scenario without either being completely quiet or being completely loud —- it’s hard to manuevre between when you are affected by the spectrum in my experience of what autism does to people.

yes i 100% agree
i think there needs to be more autism awareness and help for people that have it.

Reply 21

_gcx

Study Forum Helper

Specific learning difficulties like dyslexia and dyspraxia are pretty "invisible", I don't think anyone would be able to know whether they have it unless they got quite close to them by which point they're not just going to turn them away.

Autism is a bit different, but I think a lot of people are able to look past it.

(edited 3 years ago)

Reply 22

Cryoraptor

Original post by _gcx

Yes and no. ASD is invisible most of the time, and ADHD is very clouded. While someone who is familiar with ADHD would be able to diagnose me from talking to me for a few minutes, you'd probably not be able to say I'm on the spectrum. The autistic person you're thinking about is the medium-functioning one with adult Aspergers or something along the lines of that, where it is kinda obvious to people they are a bit different. The law of averages says that the majority of people on the spectrum have non-specific ASD and are essentially invisible. The only way you'd know I have ADHD by talking to me is because I find it really hard to sit still and concentrate, which I will admit is very stereotypical ADHD :tongue:

Reply 23

claireestelle

Original post by _gcx

I gave it three weeks before I told my husband I was dyslexic and dyspraxic as I accidentally hit my head on a shelf in his flat so felt it was a good idea to explain incase i did myself any worse injuries.

It depends on how well the person can mask it as when I m not trying to, people might suspect something quite easily, perhaps not so much with the dyslexia alone.

Reply 24

Cryoraptor

Original post by claireestelle

I am personally not bothered by dyslexia, dyspraxia or anything of that nature, because it doesn't tend to affect the person's social understanding and so I'm able to get on with them. It only becomes a problem for me when it affects them socially to the point where I can't have a normal conversation with them.

Reply 25

Anonymous #3

Original post by khadijaaaxxxx

i like a guy that has autism
loads of girls will date guys with learning disabilities

No they won’t

Reply 26

Cryoraptor

Same mate. I mean, I won't lie, I have a really dark sense of humour, but I'm not gonna make fun of them to their face or anything. That's really low. They are people as well.

Reply 27

username5397564

Someone I knew declined a guy because he disclosed his Asperger's on the first date, just out of honesty. She didn't know what it was so read up online and decided not to date him because she didn't think he would meet her emotional needs. I know no-one is obligated to date anyone they don't want to, and I definitely disagree with giving in out of pity, but it seemed a bit silly to judge him based on what she read online and not actually give the relationship a go and see what happens. The whole empathy thing isn't even fully true either. It's a spectrum so while some may struggle with empathy, others might not. It's also not just the autistic person at fault either since Damian Milton's work suggests that it goes both ways- autistic people might struggle empathising with non-autistic but also vice versa. For me, it just depends on whether I like them as a person, for who they are, rather than what they are diagnosed with. I might be autistic, but never diagnosed, and if I was, I'm probably towards mid-functioning as it's obvious something is 'different' about me...but I'm studying for a Masters and I'm focusing on Autism so I'm a bit biased :tongue:

Reply 28

luvinthedark

Original post by Anonymous

No they won’t

well i would

Reply 29

claireestelle

Original post by Cryoraptor

It depends on how severe it is. If someone has adult Aspergers and they are very socially inept, I'm just not going to get along with them. That's nothing personal and I'm not denying their human rights, but it is what it is.

Of course, if someone is high functioning and has displayed no obvious signs, and their partner only rejects them when they say they are on the spectrum, that is indeed sh*tty.

I am personally not bothered by dyslexia, dyspraxia or anything of that nature, because it doesn't tend to affect the person's social understanding and so I'm able to get on with them. It only becomes a problem for me when it affects them socially to the point where I can't have a normal conversation with them.

I think it can have minor social effects but they might not bother people, for example it's too dangerous for me to go clubbing and I can't have an as good conversation in very busy places as I ve got a slight auditory processing issue but that's something that's easy to work round by avoiding the loud places.

Reply 30

Cryoraptor

Original post by Huskygal

Yes, this is very true. My sense of empathy, while skewed a bit towards animals, is most definitely not absent and I'd argue I've become quite an empathetic person. As I've said before, autism is not set in stone, it's a genetic pointer that tells some parts of the brain to develop more and other parts less than usual. What parts those are are mostly random. The reason autism and ADHD are so linked is probably because they are basically the same thing; a genetic pointer that tells some parts of the brain to grow more and others less. In a lot of cases that probably tells the part of the brain involved in concentration and attentiveness to not develop as much, causing ADHD. The rest is as much of a gamble. I assume the uncommon cases of ADHD without autism are probably when the genetic pointer tells the concentration/attentiveness part to not grow as much, but tells the rest to grow at the same rate or faster, so autism signs just never appear.

At the end of the day, we still have so much more to learn about neurological conditions like ASD and ADHD.

Reply 31

Cryoraptor

Original post by claireestelle

Yes, those aren't things I'd consider to be socially deleterious. You aren't emotionally unintelligent or behind. I'm talking about when it's obvious the person is dorky and awkward and can't maintain a conversation properly.

Reply 32

petertyerman

Think the might be misunderstanding of the terms being used in this thread. A learning disability is normally considered to be someone with low-level generalised difficulties usually with measurable IQ of less than 70. Learning difficulties are where there are areas where there are difficulties but most of the intelligences within the normal range. In autism for example current figures suggest that between 60 and 70% of people with autism are in the normal intelligent range and because autism in the past has been generally easier to diagnose in the lower intelligence reins it may well be an even higher percentage are actually within the normal range as the current figures in the United Kingdom suggest that in adults less than 50% of those with autism have a diagnosis. With ADHD and dyslexia there is no connection with overall intelligence and therefore none of those will be considered having a learning disability. There are many people with in your right neuro diverse diagnosis while highflyers and high earners therefore I think the deciding whether you want a relationship with something somebody should be based on the person not a label.

Reply 33

Cryoraptor

A learning disability is normally considered to be someone with low-level generalised difficulties usually with measurable IQ of less than 70

That isn't true. An IQ lower than 70 is considered intellectual disability. A learning difficulty is some sort of condition that means the person finds one area harder to learn, from my understanding.

Reply 34

Stephaniesays98

Original post by khadijaaaxxxx

i think it is for some people because the guy i like also has two autistic brothers and one of them has special needs and goes to a special school
im not 100% sure though
autism is on a spectrum though so it's debatable

Yes, autism is a learning disability. There are different types of autism and it is a vast spectrum, but it is absolutely a learning disability. Most people with learning difficulties are 'smart'.

Reply 35

RealLifeJoker

Because girls in general won’t date guys that they believe to be below them. I have ASD and also POC so it kinda goes against me.

Reply 36

Dan_.S4795

Original post by khadijaaaxxxx

i like a guy that has autism
loads of girls will date guys with learning disabilities

I have a learning disablity that being Asperger's but I never been consider a option by a girl.

Reply 37

RealLifeJoker

Original post by Dan_.S4795

I have a learning disablity that being Asperger's but I never been consider a option by a girl.

Don’t worry, I’m the same but I lost my v this year and already did it with 2 females

Reply 38

Dan_.S4795

I don't see how that's a positive. They didn't want to go the next step with you.

Reply 39

H8Courtship217

i've been a fan of the belief that it seems guys, men, need to have better social-skills than women do in order to succeed in dating, since a socially-inept or socially-awkward girl has a much better chance of getting a boyfriend than the other way around