Why is bpd so painful 😭

I can’t deal with this disorder, I am receiving no help as there is a delay because of covid and I am severely struggling right now. I just want someone to care and be there for me. My mum tries to help me but I always push her away and she always traps me indoors, keeps my bank card because she can’t trust me. No one wants to be friends as I get really involved and always want to be with them and then the next I push them away.

have you spoken to a therapist? I think that would really help

I can’t deal with this disorder, I am receiving no help as there is a delay because of covid and I am severely struggling right now. I just want someone to care and be there for me. My mum tries to help me but I always push her away and she always traps me indoors, keeps my bank card because she can’t trust me. No one wants to be friends as I get really involved and always want to be with them and then the next I push them away.

I have a friend who has bpd, and I actually find it quite interesting. She’s happy at first then the next minute she hates me, then she loves me, then she hates me, then she apologizes, then she hates me again. Tbh I don’t find it a bother, and she does get therapy virtually due to COVID after school. I think therapy is helping since she finds a way to calm herself down and it is working. She has told me that she has a hard time making friends, but just finding someone who understands you

Does bpd get worse with age?

I can’t deal with this disorder, I am receiving no help as there is a delay because of covid and I am severely struggling right now. I just want someone to care and be there for me. My mum tries to help me but I always push her away and she always traps me indoors, keeps my bank card because she can’t trust me. No one wants to be friends as I get really involved and always want to be with them and then the next I push them away.

Okay, I have a couple things to ask here:

1. Why does your mum trap you indoors?
2. Why has she got your bank card?
3. Why doesn't she trust you?

And lastly,

4. Have you spoken to your doctors about the struggle?

I myself have been diagnosed with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), this year after suffering for years, so I know how hard it is. I was given a social prescriber via my doctors after seeing a psychiatrist who assessed me and confirmed my diagnosis of BPD. The psychiatrist also offered me therapy via IMPACT. I am still yet to have a meeting with IMPACT other than the initial call with them. But it took me awhile to even be able to see the psychiatrist. The social prescriber there for me to talk to about thing going on in life and she is able to help point me in the right direction to resolve issues/receive help.

You can actually speak to social services who will be able to also help you. There is absolutely no shame in doing so, they are there to help people from all walks of life in all manners of issues they may be going through. Try reaching out to MIND and see if you can get help from them too.

But the behaviour of your mum sounds troubling, bordering into controlling territory. You're a young adult. You should have your bank card, not your mother. Unless you're going out and spending every penny you have recklessly and she's trying to stop you from doing that, she has absolutely no reason or right to have your bank card.

Same of if she's trapping you indoors. Do you pose a threat to harm yourself or others? If not, she has no legal right to keep you inside.

I'd be checking your credit rating if I were you and keeping an eye on it. When I was younger, my parents coerced me to take out loans, credit cards, phone contracts etc for them and whenever I challenged them about it, they just told me they'd stop paying and deny it all if I ever took them to court. Whenever I brought up about wanting to move out, they'd deter me from doing it by telling me I'd not survive, I couldn't afford it etc.

At one point, my father actually told me during a depressive episode where I dyed my hair red (I'm a guy), that he thought I was on drugs (I was not, never have been, never will be), that my nana was rolling in her grave and even public humiliated me in a pub when he made "jokes" and remarks with the bar assistant who made remarks about my hair that I "look like an emo girl". My father laughed at these remarks and said to the bar assistant "That's a good one, he does! Shake my hand!" I was 19.

I told my friends about that and they were all rightfully disgusted. They offered for me to move in with them, which I was going to do. Till my father used the guilt trip of "I've failed you as a father, I haven't got long left to live" blah blah blah. When I went to move out, he told me "I'm not supporting your student finance, I'm going to tell them I earn 1000k a year so you won't get anything. You're not my son, consider our relationship over if you move out to live with them, they're no good for you". I was told off, for going out to drive around on a night time to clear my head whenever I felt sad.

I was 19 through all of that.

I'm now 24. I moved out at aged 20 when I met my partner who they again, said "she's no good for you" and pulled the same abusive moves on me as when I was 19, in front of her. We've been together now since 2017. We have a 3 year old together. Now they like her and our child. Said partner got me the help I needed throughout all these years and that is how I got my diagnosis of BPD.

What changed? The environment. I moved out of a toxic environment, they lost their grip on me and they have since then apologised for all they have done and we have a much better relationship.

Why am I telling you all of this?

Because your situation eerily hits too close to home and reminds me a lot of what I have been through myself. Lots of red flags.

So check your credit rating, keep an eye on it. Get your bank card back, contact social services and look into moving out. Don't let your mother try discourage you, or coerce you into staying. Stand your ground and get the help you need, for your sake. Find a support group and make friends with them. I know how hard that is, but you'll find people like us with BPD can kinda sense it in each other and draw one another to ourselves.

I've already done so at uni myself, I've met a fantastic support group who are on my course, who also suffer from BPD.
If you're at uni, it's also worth speaking to student support services as they'll also be able to help you. They care about students wellbeing and want you to succeed and do well.

1. Apparently I surround myself with toxic ppl
2. She’s controlling - maybe she wants to keep me safe
3.I do stupid things apparently
4. Nope there’s a long wait due to covid
Thank u. Sorry for the bad response I’m outside tryna not get caught w being on socials lmao.
I’m 17 and may as well wait until I’m 18 to move out. Less stress then.
I’m terribly sorry u have been thru this. Glad u have a nice family now, u deserv it
I like someone I think. My mum won’t let me date cos she thinks I’ll hurt people. I won’t lol. It’s genetic from my father, he also abandoned me at 4 and I remember v much. I was destroyed. He had NPD and BPD
Something like that. He is selfish. I always get the blame for my illness. Not entirely my fault.

Yeah, I had that exact line too, both about friends and my partner. Why does she think they're toxic? Because they point out how she behaves toward you?

That's not toxic, OP. That's caring if they're point out the error in her ways.

Controlling behaviour is not keeping someone safe. Controlling behaviour is destructive, abusive and harmful. You need to get out of there.

Define what she believes is stupid behaviour? I had my parents say the exact same about me. Nothing I did, was stupid. That's a guilt trip.

So have you had an actual diagnosis of BPD, or just feel like you have the traits? As for the waiting list, if you visit a mental health department like a mental health hospital and talk to them, they won't keep you there. In fact, you'll end up getting support faster. Even calling social services and telling them the situation with your mum would get you help faster. Don't sit and let your mum beat you down like this, it's domestic abuse. No two ways about it and you need help.

Your responses are fine, but being afraid to use social media incase you get caught using them by your mum rings very big alarm bells to me. It's as if she's worried you'll tell someone how she's treating you, how she has your bank card etc. You do realise it's not illegal for your mum to actually have your bank card, stopping you from using social media and practically imprisoning you in the home, right? It's domestic abuse. You can legally call the police on your mum.

What I'd personally do, is call my bank, get that card blocked and order a new one; that's providing she doesn't open your mail. Which if she does, that's another crime in of itself. It's illegal to open mail not addressed to you.

All well and good saying you'll wait till you're 18 because "less stress", but I guarantee you, the situation you're in now won't change and it'll be just as stressful, if not more stressful, waiting another year to move out. Have you not got family or friends you can stay with?

You dating someone has nothing to do with your mum. It's your life. I was told "You can do better, you're just settling, she's no good for you" etc. End of the day, it was none of their business whatsoever that I was dating my partner, as we were both happy and in a healthy relationship.

My dad was an alcoholic and would cheat on my mum a lot when I was growing up, as well as being verbally abusive. My brothers have told me he's hit her a few times before I was born when they were kids, till my oldest brother kicked his arse one night. He was also always away a lot for work, so I hardly ever got to see him. So I can empathise about your NPD dad, mines a massive scumbag too, but he's gotten better over the years. He'll never admit he's done wrong by us though because he doesn't see that, NPD makes you blind to it.

Lovely bit of gaslighting and victim blaming there, do you really wanna stay in such a hostile, abusive and exhausting environment? I bet you don't.
Seek out support, move out of there. You deserve better than the crap you're being put through right now.

Yeah, I had that exact line too, both about friends and my partner. Why does she think they're toxic? Because they point out how she behaves toward you?

That's not toxic, OP. That's caring if they're point out the error in her ways.

Controlling behaviour is not keeping someone safe. Controlling behaviour is destructive, abusive and harmful. You need to get out of there.

Define what she believes is stupid behaviour? I had my parents say the exact same about me. Nothing I did, was stupid. That's a guilt trip.

So have you had an actual diagnosis of BPD, or just feel like you have the traits? As for the waiting list, if you visit a mental health department like a mental health hospital and talk to them, they won't keep you there. In fact, you'll end up getting support faster. Even calling social services and telling them the situation with your mum would get you help faster. Don't sit and let your mum beat you down like this, it's domestic abuse. No two ways about it and you need help.

Your responses are fine, but being afraid to use social media incase you get caught using them by your mum rings very big alarm bells to me. It's as if she's worried you'll tell someone how she's treating you, how she has your bank card etc. You do realise it's not illegal for your mum to actually have your bank card, stopping you from using social media and practically imprisoning you in the home, right? It's domestic abuse. You can legally call the police on your mum.

What I'd personally do, is call my bank, get that card blocked and order a new one; that's providing she doesn't open your mail. Which if she does, that's another crime in of itself. It's illegal to open mail not addressed to you.

All well and good saying you'll wait till you're 18 because "less stress", but I guarantee you, the situation you're in now won't change and it'll be just as stressful, if not more stressful, waiting another year to move out. Have you not got family or friends you can stay with?

You dating someone has nothing to do with your mum. It's your life. I was told "You can do better, you're just settling, she's no good for you" etc. End of the day, it was none of their business whatsoever that I was dating my partner, as we were both happy and in a healthy relationship.

My dad was an alcoholic and would cheat on my mum a lot when I was growing up, as well as being verbally abusive. My brothers have told me he's hit her a few times before I was born when they were kids, till my oldest brother kicked his arse one night. He was also always away a lot for work, so I hardly ever got to see him. So I can empathise about your NPD dad, mines a massive scumbag too, but he's gotten better over the years. He'll never admit he's done wrong by us though because he doesn't see that, NPD makes you blind to it.

Lovely bit of gaslighting and victim blaming there, do you really wanna stay in such a hostile, abusive and exhausting environment? I bet you don't.
Seek out support, move out of there. You deserve better than the crap you're being put through right now.