REALLY struggling to get along with people in my university course

I am weird and my personality is very different to the vast majority of people irl and I don't want to put on a facade to be a certain way just so I can make fake friends. I have a weird sense of humour and I like talking about appearance alot but whenever I bring up that topic I always get weird looks like people hate talking about looks.

Anyway, when people first met me they were friendly but once they got to know me, people at uni have just been avoiding me and I know they are judging me. I really struggle to fit in and my social skills are terrible since I took 2 gap years and was bullied all throughout school so I don't know what to say in social situations and I'm just myself.

Idk what to do because it is really affecting me. No one respects me and everyone just makes me a centre of a joke in a group situation. How should I act for people to respect me and actually like me :frown:

Reply 1

whataminow

OP

5

so you're saying I should be myself even if being myself means that most people will not like me?

Reply 2

username5637224

20

Don't pretend to be someone you are not! However, if you know that certain things that you say or do generally have the effect of annoying people, then avoid doing them, at least until you've managed to be integrated into a group. Social anxiety is common but skills can be learnt. Try joining clubs where you have common interests with other members. A shared interest is always a good start for a conversation before trying something which may be controversial.

(edited 2 years ago)

Reply 3

whataminow

OP

5

Original post by Nobody2u

Don't pretend to be someone you are not! However, if you know that certain things that you say or do generally have the effect of annoying people, then avoid doing them, at least until you've managed to be integrated into a group. Social anxiety is common but skills can be learnt. Try joining clubs where you have common interests with other members. A shared interest is always a good start for a conversation before trying something which may be controversial.

when i say i have no social skills i mean it

Reply 4

username5637224

20

Original post by whataminow

when i say i have no social skills i mean it

There is no way of learning them without stepping out of your comfort zone. You are capable of communicating, the proof is that you've been leaving messages on this thread without offending anybody. You now have to learn to transfer the skills that you have learnt hidden behind a keyboard to face to face situations. If you like talking about the appearance of people and things, why not join some arts/ fashion related society where your critical eye will be seen as a quality, or join your students Union newspaper editorial group. Maybe you could contribute to the fashion pages.
Not fitting into the mold isn't necessarily a bad thing as long as you are comfortable with who you are. You'll eventually find a group of friends who understand your sense of humour.

Reply 5

whataminow

OP

5

Original post by Nobody2u

There is no way of learning them without stepping out of your comfort zone. You are capable of communicating, the proof is that you've been leaving messages on this thread without offending anybody. You now have to learn to transfer the skills that you have learnt hidden behind a keyboard to face to face situations. If you like talking about the appearance of people and things, why not join some arts/ fashion related society where your critical eye will be seen as a quality, or join your students Union newspaper editorial group. Maybe you could contribute to the fashion pages.
Not fitting into the mold isn't necessarily a bad thing as long as you are comfortable with who you are. You'll eventually find a group of friends who understand your sense of humour.

i appreciate this thank you but it is incredibly more difficult to have the same confidence behind a computer screen as real life but I will try my best

Reply 6

SamuelAshbourne

7

The point is to get a good grade and understand the subject. There are no points for being friendly.

In the future, when you own a business, you will employ the friendly funny people to clean your house.

(edited 2 years ago)

Reply 7

username5637224

20

But somewhere along the line quality of life comes into it, and although material possessions can contribute, an element of social interaction is important. If this was not the case O.P would not be posting here. He/she has already taken a first step to identifying where things block and we're trying to suggest ways of achieving a more fulfilling and comfortable social life, so saying that they should concentrate on the material things in life is not constructive. It may be how you evaluate self worth, but it's a rather shallow definition imo.